
Stepping Sideways

This morning as I walked along the sacred paths of rock and water and sky, the sun barely peeked through rain clouds. Plop, plop, plop of rain drops added to the ahhhhhhhh flow of the creek as water rushed and swirled over rocks.
I stopped at a beautiful little shelf of rock where water pours into a boiling pool of crystal-clear water. The voice of the water sang a steady flow of ahhhhhhh and I began to sing along….ahhhhhhhh. Then I went up the scale using the same sound and found my heart opening to the water, rocks, trees, sky…salamanders, birds…to all life.
As my walk continued I sang and listened to Nature respond to the sounds moving up from my being. I felt a part of everything around me as Oneness expanded in my being.
At some point in the bath of Nature sounds, a question began to form. Why don’t you just step sideways out of the polarity, out of choosing sides, away from the madness. What would that be like?
Continuing the walk I allowed the question to bubble in my mind, in my heart, like the water rushing over rocks into pools of water. Flowing with the idea, my body relaxed and my mind felt relieved. How amazing to step out of the chaos, to give up the intense energy of being caught in polarizing forces and step to the side, as if stepping into a large crack in a mountain.
It wouldn’t mean giving up my ethical values or denouncing my citizenship. It wouldn’t mean I stopped caring about what happens in this country, in the world. It would mean removing myself from the insanity of polarizing forces that are ripping not only this country, but many countries apart. And of course every person.
I was reminded of the story of the Tuatha de Danaan, an ancient race in Ireland, who at some point in their existence were said to have simply disappeared into a subterranean or hidden existence. Maybe they stepped sideways out of a warring world.
Energetically, if we step out of conflict and remove our energy given to one ‘side’ or the other, we stop adding to that strong polarity and begin to empower ourselves by not giving energy to conflict. It’s not that we give up or remove our concern and caring, it’s that we just step out of conflict. As I walked and played with this idea it felt like entering another dimension.
Recently I have commented to friends that it seems we are polarized into two dimensions. Neither ‘side’ can see the other’s point of view and in fact both ‘sides’ believe the others to be destructive to the country. There’s something unusual about the intensity of that vast gulf between the two ‘sides.’ So what if some of us step sideways, out of conflict, out of that energy of blame and exist in a realm of peace.

“There comes a shift in perception, when one’s closest allies are the invisible forces of Nature. Where does reality begin and end? What is actual and what is reflection?” Colette O’Neill wrote this and raises questions to ponder…I simply want to know what happens if I step sideways out of world of conflict. I’ll let you know….
Maybe.


I stood within the ancient fort atop a 700 foot cliff on the Atlantic Ocean. Metal pipes, drilled with holes for chain-link fencing, lined a small area of the site. A strong wind coming across the ocean caused the pipes to sing in otherworldly harmonies. As the strange sounds filled the air I thought, If we can be open and surrender, be still and silent, the energies of the Universe can then move through us and use us in beautiful ways.
The thunderous roar of the sea pounding on to rock walls reverberated in my heart like a drum and opened the inner door wide. As I walked around the 3000 year old fortification, all of my walls crumbled and I became an open channel for Spirit to move through–a flute for the winds of heaven to play and bring forth beautiful music to the world.
I remembered this experience from Ireland after a dream I had a few days ago. In the dream, I was a stringed instrument and a bow was drawn across me. I felt the vibrations within me, the deep tones and movement of sound throughout my body. The same reminder I received during my experience in Ireland came–be still and open and allow myself to be an instrument.
The past few years have been incredibly frustrating. In previous years I have produced videos, photographs, books…all good…but I feel that deeper work is yet to come and is yet unknown. So I wait and listen and try to be patient. The world is hurting so much and I know that I have contributions to make…but how?
I keep wondering–What is my purpose? Why am I here?What am I to do? Perhaps those existential questions are lifelong puzzles that haunt some of us. The answer I have received for many, many years is to deepen with Nature. And still…those same questions repeat, perhaps so much so that what I search for is hidden beneath the chatter of my mind.
Why is it so difficult to be at peace in that unyielding space of the Unknown?
All I know to do is to lean into the Invisible and be still and silent and listen…and call upon the strength of purpose that came with me to this life…and go outside and connect with Nature.
If we are the instrument we were born to be and are open to being played by the energies of the Universe, we powerfully stand in the space where our gifts and talents meet the needs of the world and that is a place of pure magic.

We’re in a time now where the system is damaged. We’ve known it hasn’t been working for quite a while. So during this time of pause we have the opportunity to choose what we will input once things are up and running again. And so the question comes, What kind of world do we want?
Do we want more time at home with family? Do we want to do more things that enrich our life? Do we want to feel more compassion, more connection, more Oneness? Everything is up for renewal, rebooting.
So in this time of pause, the gift we are given is the choice to make changes that will steer us into a new direction. It’s easier to go back to what we’ve known but will we have the courage to make life-enhancing choices? Every one of us is being given the opportunity to choose…What kind of world do you want?


The other day I reflected on survival resources. Not outer ones that address our physical needs but inner ‘resources’ that help us find our way back…home, to balance, to sanity.
For the most part I’m handling this time with calm, groundedness. There are moments where tears come for the suffering of the world, where I take a journey down the bumpy ‘what-if’ road but I find my way back. So I questioned myself…how do I find my way back to that place of calm, grounded, peace?
As I asked the question I started seeing scenes from underwater caves…of my first dive into a high-flow cave system, of a dive in Mexico when one of our team members had light failure in all three lights, when a guy leading our group out of a cave took a wrong turn (but we quickly steered him back to the correct line)…of one of my first open water dives as a newly certified diver diving with two guys I didn’t know and coming up in a maelstrom and them leaving me to my own devices underwater to find my way back to the boat or the shark dive that had the entire hungry shark cast coming to me as I struggled against the current (also a newish diver and left by my dive buddy).
Those scary times and more all gave me experiences in problem-solving, working together, learning to remain calm when things around me were stressful. Those times prepared me for this time we are all experiencing now. I have successfully navigated situations that required me to momentarily suspend the fear and make a plan to make it through to completion of the experience.
As that newly certified diver surfacing in six foot seas and lightning popping all around, the first thing I thought was, OH SHIT! The next thing I thought was…Stop, breathe, think, act.I stopped, looked around. A boat was close enough to swim to even though it wasn’t the boat I was a guest on. I took some deep breaths and then decided to swim to that boat to rest. Even though they didn’t want me to board their boat because I wasn’t a paying guest, I not-so-politely told them to get out of my way and let me board to rest. I rested, calmed myself even more and then made a plan with their dive master and the boat crew which I had to swim back to. I got my compass out, took a heading, dropped back down underneath the six foot seas and made that lonely, hard, against-the-current swim back to the boat.
When we find ourselves spinning with anxiety we can practice good self-care by developing strategies that will lead us back home to our self. Call upon all of who you are and all the past experiences where you learned vital life skills and coping mechanisms….and if you never learned them celebrate the opportunity to learn them now.