Whole Lot A Shakin’

I was kneeling in the lush grass, removing my camera from the black leather bag when the minister said, “Let’s begin the rehearsal with a moment of prayer.” Since I was already kneeling I decided to remain on my knees and lift up my own prayers as mother-of-the-bride. It wasn’t mere chance that found me connected to the Earth Mother as we gathered to walk through the ceremony that would join my daughter and her fiancé as life parters…as wife and husband. I felt the strength of the Great Mother flow through me and surround Emily and Kevin and all who gathered that afternoon in the beauty of Dow Gardens. It was a continuation of an already powerful day.

Earlier that morning, while participating in a Pure Barre class with Em, my legs were shaking from fatigue (that’s what’s supposed to happen….but it’s quite challenging). As my knees were literally knocking together from the chair position I held on tip-toes at the barre, I wasn’t sure I would be able to hold the pose. The instructor reminded us that when our muscles shake it means they are changing. The truth of her statement struck a very deep chord within me that brought tears to my eyes.

The process of personal change and growth is far from easy. In fact, it’s the most difficult commitment anyone can make. It demands nothing less that complete willingness to look within at our behaviors and heal them so that we can move into a clearer expression of our true nature, our higher selves. This can generate a lot of fear and I remember many times when fear gripped me until I shook.

If you’re shaking you’re changing. Physically…emotionally….mentally…spiritually. That’s very reassuring…movement is a sign that progress is occurring.

Never would I have imagined that my daughter’s wedding could bring up so much emotion. Tender feelings of sacred love between mother and child, grief from choices made decades ago, joy for the love she has found, and a feeling of closing a huge chapter of growth in life so that I can move forward. Forgiving myself, forgiving others and celebrating the potential that life promises with an open heart.

Love does that. It shakes us to our core when we open ourselves to it. True love rips us open and our willingness to stay with the shaking, the terror of opening ourselves so widely that we heal is an act of courage. This love is found in all interpersonal relationships. Feeling such profound and vast love for my daughter has transformed me….and will continue to in the years ahead.

A Course in Miracles teaches this foundational truth: What is not love is fear. Twenty-eight years after first reading that statement it continues to deepen in meaning for me. Practicing this one, simple truth is worthy of a lifetime of work and dedication.

The beauty of Emily and Kevin’s ceremony reverberates within my mind and heart today as I allow space to feel the shift within myself and between us.  There was a whole lot a shakin’ goin’ on leading up to and during the past week, especially at the Pure Barre classes I took. Shaking physically opened up emotional pathways that unlocked freedom to love more deeply.

And perhaps the most wonderful thing of all is I didn’t lose my daughter. I truly gained a son.