The Tower Crumbles
The other night in meditation, a very strong vision came and I watched with discomfort as the Tower I stood on with my white horse started to crumble. But it wasn’t crumbling from any outer force. It was falling apart because the horse and I were striking it. The white horse reared up and used both front feet to begin the destruction and I slid off her back and grabbed a sledge hammer and aided her. Then I saw my child self and teenage self arrive and begin to work with us. There came a point when the energy was so intense the three parts of myself were hitting each other and the guide intervened and reminded us not to turn on each other. Then as the Tower fell, the horse took the three of us to safety on her back. The ground turned to boiling lava so the horse flew us to safety…a green pasture beside a clear stream. The edge collapsed and we went into the water where we were washed clean.
It wasn’t the most peaceful meditation. It was more of a journey into the reality of what is happening not just in my life but with all of us. The old paradigm is crumbling and the process is scary and filled with danger. We even turn on others we care about in the process of dismantling the old way of living.
Today I was opening boxes I packed nearly a year ago when I had a near-sale of my home and the buyers were pushing me to get out quickly. When they ghosted, I never bothered to unpack. So I decided to open all the boxes and get rid of more stuff…if I haven’t used it why keep it?
I came to a box of books on the Ocean, whales and dolphins…some of my most precious books. When I started looking at them I stopped and hugged the box to me and wept deeply for my cetacean brothers and sisters and our beautiful seas and all life that hangs in a very precarious place. I allowed myself to feel the grief and be with feelings of great sadness.
What a strange time to be alive. We are watching the old paradigm be challenged every day and it rears up and shows its abusive self…but we are collectively taking it down….piece by piece.
It’s a time of intense emotions and fears and great anger at what is being done to innocent children and wildlife and wild places. Ultimately compassion and kindness and a deep, fierce love and devotion is what is needed. The kind of love that stands up and says…NO MORE! We are experiencing the old paradigm die within ourselves and in the world around us.
This is a time when we need to forge bonds of love and compassion and reach out to those experiencing difficulties….and who isn’t these days? It’s not a time to isolate ourselves even though we might need time alone to access stillness and inner silence. A phone call, a visit, an email or text….are you okay, friend?
The new is found within the old so as we witness and feel the old falling away, let us be mindful of the seeds of new awaiting nurturing so they can take root and grow and thrive. Water those new seeds, give attention to what you wish to create.
Stay hydrated, rest, take time to be still and quiet, eat well, talk to friends who understand, talk to a life/spiritual coach, be outdoors, get a massage, take a salt bath. Take loving care for you are birthing a new world from within yourself.
When we see something at first glance, our brain receives the information or input. From that we form ideas or opinions.
When you look at this photograph, what does it look like? A pink flower? What about the background? What is the story you tell yourself about this image?
What about this image? What is the conclusion you draw from what your brain sees?
What if I told you there was only one stem of flowers. Would you believe it? Would you argue that there really are two? Now….what if I told you there was a mirror behind the one stem and I was using a flash to darken the background to get that perfect reflection.
This stem of flowers bent over from the heavy blossoms so I brought it inside and placed it in my bathroom where it has brightened that room with its pink loveliness. I watched the reflection grow as more buds have opened. Today it seemed to ask me to get my macro lens and camera and take a few moments to play with light and color and form.
Because the f stop was 45 the depth of field is very deep and clear so it really does appear to be two stems…but I know better. I created the illusion with a flash and mirror. Or is it an illusion? Are there really two flower stems? One in this world….one in that other world of magic and possibility. It might seem silly to ponder these questions but how many times do we accept what we see as fact without looking deeper? How often does what we see keep us from believing in something more?
A simple, exquisite stem of flowers has given me much to consider. What do I see when I look at life? Is it possibilities or is it something else?
If you follow my writing you’ve been reading about this Threshold I’ve been at for way over a year. I could feel a part of my work and life here on the Gulf Coast winding down but the next step wasn’t getting clear. It has been an intense time of waiting, listening and waiting.
Recently clarity about my life’s work has come and it came very powerfully in a sudden ‘whoosh‘ of awareness. It felt like the puzzle pieces just clicked together perfectly and it felt absolutely right.
About that same time the women’s circle I facilitate met and one of the members said the most beautiful invocation for selling my home and moving forward with my life’s work. Three days later, before yoga practice on the front porch, I said, “Hey there Great Spirit. Please give me a clear sign that my home will sell soon.” A few hours later I met the people that want to live here, in this amazing live oak forest and in this beautiful home.
Everything is coming together in perfect, Divine order. And not just for me. A friend of mine in New Mexico has been going through a similar struggle to find her place and life’s work and just today everything finished coming together for her move back to Alabama. We were sending smiley face and heart texts this afternoon….lots of them with gratitude to the Universe for the support and love we’re being shown.
So, what will I be doing after I move back to the NC mountains? I want to help people find ways to cope with our increasing grief, fear and frustration over climate change and social changes. I will be offering retreats and one-on-one consultations for those wishing to find healthy coping methods and who wish to deepen their connection to Nature. We need support during this intense time of change with so many unknowns and I suspect the most important action we can take is to listen to the Earth, to go deeper in our connection with Her.
I’ll be updating my website soon and details will be forthcoming. Tonight I am simply grateful to finally…..finally be stepping through that Threshold time of waiting and listening. I can feel the movement after a very long time of stillness. Thankfully, my dear friend and wholeness coach Rose was an amazing witness and guide through this process of waiting. I am truly grateful to her…and to all those who have encouraged me, supported me and sent up prayers for me.
I am ready to step through.
Every night I go outside on the screened porch with my dog and two cats and we sit and listen. The frogs in the pond in the field sing their froggy songs. Insects drone and click and make the branches of the ancient live oak trees come alive. Barred owls call in the branches overhead. The more I let go and just listen, the more relaxed and at peace I feel.
In the mediations on the front porch, with nature’s music in surround sound, I have come to understand that the vibrations of nature are not just beneficial to humans, they are vital to our health and wellbeing.
A recent report says up to 1 million species are expected to go extinct soon….out of 8 million species. More than 10% of the species on this planet are expected to soon be extinct. I have tried to avoid this report and yet it keeps coming up on NPR, in articles on social media. I know it’s bad news and could I possibly just pretend one more day that it’s not so bad?
Tonight I had a vision of my passion and love for the planet growing and spilling out of the pitcher of my heart into a clear stream as it flows and joins with others whose love and passion for the planet is also flowing from their hearts. I saw a clear river that is growing with love for all life and is filled with pure intention. I saw Oneness growing into a wave of love.
We as a species have exhausted the old ideas…war, power, money…none of that works nor will it ever work or be a solution. If we repeat the same behaviors we get the same results. So it’s time my sisters and brothers to start trying something different…I believe an answer is to recognize our connection to everything and everyone else…Oneness. Once we recognize ourself in everything else, we come to value everything….every thing….else.
Go outside and listen to the vibrations of nature….feel them and allow them to take you into the flow. I’ll meet you there.
“The spirit of Walter Anderson thanks you.” This comment, while I was documenting the BP Deepwater Horizon Oil Spill in 2010, meant more than any other. It fueled me to keep going when the fumes, death and poisoning of sea creatures weighed me down with unbearable grief.
I’m not concerned with only the technical aspects of a good photograph. I want to connect with the essence behind form. When I am in nature…underwater or in a forest….I simply show up and ask to be shown the light behind the physical manifestation. I have no agenda other than to be an observer wherever I find myself…with a camera, notepad or stripped of anything but my heart and mind to receive whatever gift is offered.
A small group of us were on a photography trip to Bimini to photograph a friendly, resident pod of spotted dolphins. At some point during one of our days with the pod I stopped, as is often the case, to drink in the beauty of color, light and form. My friend Susan was preparing to photograph approaching dolphins. The reflections and light were surreal and I lifted my heavy, underwater housing and fired off one shot. The dolphins were so fast and Susan was swimming fast so there was one chance to capture what I felt as I communed with the sea and Her creatures.
That shot now hangs in the Water, Water exhibit at Walter Anderson Museum of Art (WAMA).
Another new exhibit at WAMA focuses on Walter as Artist, Naturalist & Mystic. Yes! was the only word that came to mind as I reflected on my own life.
I remembered a morning surrounded by humpback whales in the pre-dawn darkness anchored 90 miles off the Dominican Republic. Fishy exhalations of the whales were illuminated in the moonlight and kissed my skin as they drifted in the warm air. As I did morning yoga the whales came closer and closer to the boat. I felt myself open to the Universe, ocean and whales–there was no separation, only perfect communion. Since then I have known that communion to be as sacred and holy as any experience. It is my touchstone to purpose and presence here on this magnificent Ocean Planet.
There was no conscious memory of how Walter Anderson influenced me, but as I reflect back after viewing his murals and sketches from Horn island, it was as if he was a silent mentor riding an underlying current with me on the journey with whales, dolphins, sea lions, manatees. It is like he has been encouraging me simply from his audacity to do what called him to life.
Who knows how this life journey works. Something guided a friend (can’t remember who) to send me information on the exhibit. And the entire process brought me full circle to a place where I felt the spirit of Walter Anderson saying, “Well done.”
