Rushing Water Singing

A Mary Oliver poem recently reminded me of my inner child’s love of rushing water. I was going to write about it and then let it slide until I saw the same poem again,  posted on a social media post. My cue to explore this reminder cannot be ignored.

“What can I say that I have not said before? So I’ll say it again. The leaf has a song in it.” She then reminds us through her poem to take our busy hearts to the forest. “The song you heard singing in the leaf when you were a child is singing still.”

What made my heart sing as a child? I always wanted to go to the mountains for family vacation and never wanted to leave. The sound of clear, running water over mossy rocks was music to me as was the entire range of mountains and valleys. It was as if the spiritual world came alive to me in the sacred Appalachian Mountains.

So after a couple years in the second Saturn return, I find myself anxiously and longingly anticipating the return to those mountains to live. Saturn returns are generally ages 27-31, 56-60 and 84-90. The first is when a person leaves youth behind, the second is coming into maturity and the third is the final one when a person enters ‘wise’ old age.

Saturn return….just the thought of it can make some cringe. Western astrologers think of these times as major thresholds before moving into the next phase of life. It can mark major upheavals and major life-changes. But some of the greatest leaps and transformations come from the most challenging times.

Saturn Returns….letting go of anything that no longer serves us, pressure to step up to challenges. Our passage determines the next stage of life. During the middle ‘return’ it’s like a check-up to see how we’ve progressed since we became adults. Common questions we might ask ourselves include: Am I loving myself and others unconditionally? Am I facing my fears? And I taking care of myself? Am I allowing my passion to shine? Have I chosen friends that love and support me? Am I true to my soul’s calling?

What I’m finding during this rather intense ‘return’ is a greater call to listen to my heart and be true to the path that calls me…the deeper spiritual path. I am more conscious of clearing the energetic gunk that comes through technology so I’ve recently stopped streaming television, the last bit of TV I allowed into my home. I’m also aware of the negative energy in politics and social media and am limiting my time with both. Fears are intense during this time so I’m working very hard to listen but to not allow them to control me. Mostly I am evaluating my work…although I just typed ‘worth’ which I thought was a mistake….obviously the truth came through my fingers. So yes, I’m evaluating my self-worth, too.

What gifts did I bring with me to this life and what others have I developed since incarnating. Mostly I want to let go of things that no longer serve me. I am going through every box I packed almost a year ago and am evaluating the contents as a way to let go of more ‘stuff’ both physically and symbolically. What no longer serves me I happily release.

Selling my home has been a long process, but then so is the path of transformation. A younger friend of mine recently posted on social media that he was beginning to excavate his fears and things that kept him small. That’s probably a result of that stern task-master Saturn on his first ‘return.’ I’ve spent decades unearthing the yuck of societal conditioning and feel I have just cleared the foundations so I can begin to rebuild.

As the Borg said in Star Trek, “Resistance is futile.” The more we fight it, the harder we make it for ourselves. So here, Universe. Take this and this….and this, too. Oh, no…I didn’t want to keep that. Please, by all means, take that too…I say with a bit of sarcasm.

I want to simplify my life by selling my home, downsizing and living in a small home surrounded by woods in the mountains. I have my eyes on just such a place…now if my home will sell I can finally move forward.

But the timing isn’t up to me–a stern reminder that it is through letting go that movement happens. No grasping…only releasing.

A David Wilcox song comes to mind… “This is where I played as a baby, this is where I ran as a child. This is where my dad took the last breath he had and smiled….I guess I’m wondering where this place is trying to take me, overnight, if I never did resist. What strange breezes make a sailor want to come to this. With lines untied, slipping though my fist.”

Nearly two years ago I shared with a retreat group in Ireland that I was at a Threshold. Never in my wildest dreams would I believe I would still here at the Threshold, awaiting passage. But now I understand it a little more clearly. It’s exactly what’s supposed to be happening. So here I drift with lines slipping through my hands…releasing the fists that want to hold on….and asking the Universe to help me move gracefully to the next place in this life. That magical mountain home as well as my spiritual home within the heart of the planet.

The clear, rushing waters still sing to my heart. They are calling me home.