Life’s Compass
Who Am I? Why am I here? These are common questions asked by those intent on discovering deeper meaning in life…those who search for a clearer reflection of the true self.
This time of stillness and listening during the past several weeks has produced many breadcrumbs that have led to a clearer vision for my path. Memories have surfaced, people have sent comments and reflections on my work and realizations during moments of openness and surrender during yoga classes have yielded much guidance. One memory in particular is working powerfully in my heart and mind.
My mom and I were in a grocery store when I was very young. One of her friends greeted her and commented on what a beautiful child I was. Wow, I thought. I am beautiful. After the woman walked away I asked my mom what that meant. I cannot remember exactly what my mother said but it was an encouragement to not take the woman’s comment to heart. She didn’t want me to be conceited or stuck on outer expressions of beauty. That’s the take-away now but then I remember being confused about this word: Beauty. It was a defining moment in my life.
I never thought of myself as beautiful through childhood, teenage, young adult years and even now….I didn’t want to be stuck-up or conceited..still don’t. But mostly, I didn’t want Beauty to be defined by something outside of myself. I wanted people to see me and love me for what was/is inside my heart. I always wanted boys, men, to see the real me, not the outer package….. so…..there wasn’t much dating. I didn’t focus on the outer expression of beauty…didn’t care about make-up or cosmetics or fashion because that seemed a pale expression of the beauty I found by turning inward and experiencing the fire of my heart that is pure and loving and kind or by connecting with the nature, especially animals.
That meeting, over 50 years ago, brought forth my life’s quest to explore the concept of beauty. What is it? Where is it? Is it in me? Is it in Nature? I deeply remember the encounter yet my memory might be different from the actual event. What is significant is how it affected my life.
Isn’t it amazing how one seemingly insignificant event can be a turning point in our life’s path. It was as if that moment was the cue needed to lead me on my quest, my path, for this lifetime. And I didn’t realize it until recently as I paused in stillness for weeks and simply allowed my path to unwind to the point where I could be clear before moving forward.
A few days ago I attended and photographed a workshop by Ibiyinka Alao.* In his presentation on art he said this: “An artist is a person with a hole in their heart that’s equal in size to the universe outside of them. Every time I paint a picture, I am filling this hole.” I paused and lowered my camera when he said this. It is exactly how I feel when I am hovering underwater with humpback whale mothers and babes or am nose-to-nose with a curious manatee….or standing in the warm sand at sunset experiencing the transcendental moment where my open heart meets the heart of the Ocean. If I can capture the emotions I feel during these moments and translate them, with images and writing, to others I am totally at one with my Path. When I create these translations, I feel my heart filling and reaching out to the Universe with openness and love. That is Beauty…to me.
My passion for experiencing and documenting Beauty is my life’s work. My life’s compass was set from that encounter so long ago. Gratitude for that defining moment is strong and I thank my mother for prompting me to go on the search for beauty.
What is your life’s compass? What is the ‘thing’ that brings you back to sanity amidst chaos and fear? What is it that you yearn for more than anything?
