Resources
What resources do you have in your life? With this question we might begin to list bank account totals, assets that might be used as collateral for a loan or some other material possessions. But imagine instead resources much more vital and significant than those.
In the work of reclaiming the deep, soulful life I use the word resource as something that strengthens a person or supports the expansion of their inner world. A resource is something that provides nourishment for the soul.
Last night a couple friends and I drove to a quiet part of the beach for sunset and a meteor shower. Conditions couldn’t have been more perfect…few clouds, nice breeze, no biting insects, very few people with flashlights…it was, for our busy tourist area, amazing.
As darkness deepened, beauty of the firmament deepened. Space seemed to open before us. First it was the planets that shone brightly and then deep space seemed to reveal itself as light of the day faded. It was as if we were looking into infinity.
This morning as I was in that dreamy state of reflection, I sensed inner expansion lingering from brushing against the numinous Universe. The experience of last night became a resource for me to draw upon, helping me expand into a truer expression of my Self and feel a greater sense of connection with all life…with the Divine.
When I feel constricted or fearful I can reflect back on how it felt to be with the night sky, to sense the Infinite within and the connection to something so much bigger than ‘me.’ This memory can help me move through moments of unease and it prompted me to be mindful of the many inner resources that arise from connecting deeply with Nature, from moving into Oneness.
In the work of reclaiming the life of the soul, a resource is an experience that becomes a memory-tool that takes us to a deeper relationship with our Self and Oneness.
What resources do you have to help you expand into a deeper, truer expression of your true self? They are priceless treasures….remember to use them.
The other night in meditation, a very strong vision came and I watched with discomfort as the Tower I stood on with my white horse started to crumble. But it wasn’t crumbling from any outer force. It was falling apart because the horse and I were striking it. The white horse reared up and used both front feet to begin the destruction and I slid off her back and grabbed a sledge hammer and aided her. Then I saw my child self and teenage self arrive and begin to work with us. There came a point when the energy was so intense the three parts of myself were hitting each other and the guide intervened and reminded us not to turn on each other. Then as the Tower fell, the horse took the three of us to safety on her back. The ground turned to boiling lava so the horse flew us to safety…a green pasture beside a clear stream. The edge collapsed and we went into the water where we were washed clean.
It wasn’t the most peaceful meditation. It was more of a journey into the reality of what is happening not just in my life but with all of us. The old paradigm is crumbling and the process is scary and filled with danger. We even turn on others we care about in the process of dismantling the old way of living.
I came to a box of books on the Ocean, whales and dolphins…some of my most precious books. When I started looking at them I stopped and hugged the box to me and wept deeply for my cetacean brothers and sisters and our beautiful seas and all life that hangs in a very precarious place. I allowed myself to feel the grief and be with feelings of great sadness.
What a strange time to be alive. We are watching the old paradigm be challenged every day and it rears up and shows its abusive self…but we are collectively taking it down….piece by piece.
It’s a time of intense emotions and fears and great anger at what is being done to innocent children and wildlife and wild places. Ultimately compassion and kindness and a deep, fierce love and devotion is what is needed. The kind of love that stands up and says…NO MORE! We are experiencing the old paradigm die within ourselves and in the world around us.
This is a time when we need to forge bonds of love and compassion and reach out to those experiencing difficulties….and who isn’t these days? It’s not a time to isolate ourselves even though we might need time alone to access stillness and inner silence. A phone call, a visit, an email or text….are you okay, friend?
The new is found within the old so as we witness and feel the old falling away, let us be mindful of the seeds of new awaiting nurturing so they can take root and grow and thrive. Water those new seeds, give attention to what you wish to create.
Stay hydrated, rest, take time to be still and quiet, eat well, talk to friends who understand, talk to a life/spiritual coach, be outdoors, get a massage, take a salt bath. Take loving care for you are birthing a new world from within yourself.
A Mary Oliver poem recently reminded me of my inner child’s love of rushing water. I was going to write about it and then let it slide until I saw the same poem again, posted on a social media post. My cue to explore this reminder cannot be ignored.
“What can I say that I have not said before? So I’ll say it again. The leaf has a song in it.” She then reminds us through her poem to take our busy hearts to the forest. “The song you heard singing in the leaf when you were a child is singing still.”
So after a couple years in the second Saturn return, I find myself anxiously and longingly anticipating the return to those mountains to live. Saturn returns are generally ages 27-31, 56-60 and 84-90. The first is when a person leaves youth behind, the second is coming into maturity and the third is the final one when a person enters ‘wise’ old age.
Saturn return….just the thought of it can make some cringe. Western astrologers think of these times as major thresholds before moving into the next phase of life. It can mark major upheavals and major life-changes. But some of the greatest leaps and transformations come from the most challenging times.
What I’m finding during this rather intense ‘return’ is a greater call to listen to my heart and be true to the path that calls me…the deeper spiritual path. I am more conscious of clearing the energetic gunk that comes through technology so I’ve recently stopped streaming television, the last bit of TV I allowed into my home. I’m also aware of the negative energy in politics and social media and am limiting my time with both. Fears are intense during this time so I’m working very hard to listen but to not allow them to control me. Mostly I am evaluating my work…although I just typed ‘worth’ which I thought was a mistake….obviously the truth came through my fingers. So yes, I’m evaluating my self-worth, too.
What gifts did I bring with me to this life and what others have I developed since incarnating. Mostly I want to let go of things that no longer serve me. I am going through every box I packed almost a year ago and am evaluating the contents as a way to let go of more ‘stuff’ both physically and symbolically. What no longer serves me I happily release.
As the Borg said in Star Trek, “Resistance is futile.” The more we fight it, the harder we make it for ourselves. So here, Universe. Take this and this….and this, too. Oh, no…I didn’t want to keep that. Please, by all means, take that too…I say with a bit of sarcasm.
But the timing isn’t up to me–a stern reminder that it is through letting go that movement happens. No grasping…only releasing.
A David Wilcox song comes to mind… “This is where I played as a baby, this is where I ran as a child. This is where my dad took the last breath he had and smiled….I guess I’m wondering where this place is trying to take me, overnight, if I never did resist. What strange breezes make a sailor want to come to this. With lines untied, slipping though my fist.”
Nearly two years ago I shared with a retreat group in Ireland that I was at a Threshold. Never in my wildest dreams would I believe I would still here at the Threshold, awaiting passage. But now I understand it a little more clearly. It’s exactly what’s supposed to be happening. So here I drift with lines slipping through my hands…releasing the fists that want to hold on….and asking the Universe to help me move gracefully to the next place in this life. That magical mountain home as well as my spiritual home within the heart of the planet.
The clear, rushing waters still sing to my heart. They are calling me home.