Category: conscious change
Change

Change

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I was recently listening to a podcast called Living Myth by Michael Mead. He was talking about change and how we crave it yet have within us a fear of change and so push against it. I reflected on how much change is needed on a political scale in our country and around the world…the corruption, the evil that perpetrates deeply into the foundations of governments. We want this to change, we want the truth to come out. And yet….seeing the truth, as it arises, is quite shocking and we might…for a moment or two…wish we didn’t know what we know.

Unfortunately, we have lived too long turning our heads and hearts away from the despicable, abdominal, immoral acts of those in leadership positions because sometimes…many times…it’s easier to simply look the other way. If we pay attention, then we have to change.

I don’t believe an elected official or group of officials will create the change from depravity to morality we seek. That change must come from within ourselves, each of us taking responsibility to see and acknowledge the truth about ourselves and the world in which we live. And then adjust our trajectory in life so that it aligns with the world we truly wish to create. 

It’s not a time to hide from the ugly truths emerging, but rather a time to shine our inner light, no matter how small we believe it to be. Daily acts of kindness, compassion, and love generated within each of us is what will create the change we wish to see in the world. We no longer have the luxury of time to wait on the next president, the next Congress, the next world leader. It’s up to us.
The Door is Open

The Door is Open

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My hound often sits outside the pet door and barks to come inside….when the door has the solid panel removed. I’ll say, “Come on Vernon, the door is open!” And after a few minutes of thought, or something akin to thought, he comes through and climbs into his purple leather recliner. 

This morning, one of my cats did Vernon’s version of ‘the door is locked and I can’t get in.’ So I told her, “The door is open!” And she came inside.

This was an unusual behavior as Tawanda is super-smart (not saying Vernon isn’t super-smart…his nose is beyond intelligent). Any time something unusual happens, I stop and pay attention. Especially after the contemplation I had this morning.

I kept hearing: The door is open. Walk through! So I wrote it down and put the paper beside my computer. As I begin the work day, the paper kept staring at me and I remembered a story I shared at a book event this weekend.

I was hiking with a friend up Alum Cave trail to LeConte Lodge. There is a point where the trail flattens out after nearly five miles of climbing. The higher altitude forest opens up and it’s pure magic. Thick carpets of green moss, the smell of balsam fir, beautiful spruce and fir trees create a wonderland of beauty. On our way back from the lodge, I stopped and pulled out a flute and stood in the forest and said… ‘this is for you…thank you.’ 

As I played the melody, I felt my heart open and then a rush of energy move through me that brought me to tears. There was such connection with the forest. I felt it on a cellular level. 

As we hiked down, I contemplated the experience and realized the only thing keeping us from being in such profound harmony with life is ourselves. The forest is always there…open, strong, beautiful. We simply have to open our hearts to feel that Oneness.

In the book event with my friend and writer, Thomas Rain Crowe, I described the forest and flute moment and how I realized that the only thing keeping us from experiencing Oneness was ourselves. And the ‘fix’ is to open our hearts. 

To be in Oneness, to feel love and connection, we simply have to open ourselves. We’ve spent years building walls of protection and it was smart to do that when we were kids and trying to grow up and find our way. But as adults, those walls keep us from connecting. We can become addicted to adding to and stabilizing those walls, reinforcing them, to keep ourselves safe. But then, our world becomes smaller and scarier because we’re repeating our fears over and over. The way out of that fear cycle is to find ways to open again. For me, it’s with animals and forests…rivers, the night sky. When I dare to open my heart and listen to the forest, the rivers, wild animals and my own four-legged kiddos, I find I hear again and again, “The Door is open! Walk through!”

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Misery is found in our self-created prison. 

We sit inside the cell and carve days into walls of stone

As the rusted, open door of iron bars silently waits.

A beam of light illuminates the opening

And we marvel at the beauty of it sparkling 

In the dungeon of our shadows.

It whispers, The Door is open. Walk through.

By the magic of grace, we walk through the open door

Of our heart and know freedom.

The Door is open. Walk through!
Eggshells

Eggshells

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Have you ever realized a line has been crossed, within you, that you didn’t even know existed? But when you felt that boundary violation, something within you stood up and said calmly and definitively, That’s it! I am done.

It seems we put up with and overlook the many times we experience situations that cause us emotional stress or even harm because we expect the other person will heal their wounds, work on their issues…I mean, they’re such a nice, good, smart, human being. So why allow that one time to negatively impact your relationship with them? 

But it’s never one time. It’s a cycle of emotional aggression that you willingly participate in until you finally feel the inner line that was crossed and it’s done. You’re no longer willing to walk on eggshells. No longer willing to excuse the person’s bad behavior even though they really are a good person. You reach a turning point. You awaken from the hypnotic trance of three years, ten years, twenty, thirty. No matter how long it took you, you woke up. And then you forgot. And then another person comes along and the cycle happens again and then you wake up again. And so it goes.

When that inner line was recently crossed for me, I stood up and said aloud, “That’s it! No more!” It felt way too familiar and I promised myself I’d never allow myself to be in any sort of relationship where I have to walk on eggshells. 

Walking on eggshells is a way we de-value ourselves. If I’m only submissive enough, or say the right thing, or don’t say the wrong thing, or do this, or don’t do that….if I’m quiet enough, hide enough, refuse to be myself so the other doesn’t lash out. How we dishonor ourselves to put ourselves through that…whether it’s love relationships, work relationships, relationships with our children, friends….what a high cost to pay to have to tread so lightly that you energetically or literally hide to avoid harsh, angry, abusive energy from another.

It’s been over thirteen years since I consciously walked on eggshells. It felt so freeing when I walked away from that chosen behavior (and yes, it is a choice). How surprising today to feel the power within me arise and say NO MORE!  Again. Nearly three years of walking on eggshells came to an end today. Again, I feel free and supportive of myself. Empowered. But I don’t want to do it again. Why is that a pattern within me?

The best answer I can find is it’s a fear response and wanting to be accepted for various reasons. Not wanting to rock the proverbial boat, keep the peace at any cost….and it’s a very high cost to restrict yourself to tiptoeing emotionally and energetically so you don’t have to endure the wrath, judgment, or other negative emotional energy of someone else. I’ve worked hard to clear out old emotional wounds and yet they cycle back around for another, deeper level of healing. It didn’t take nearly as long to realize the pattern was repeating this time, but it still surprised me when that strong woman within pushed back the chair, stood up, and spoke truth.

We may not be consciously aware of these boundary violations, but if we pay attention, we notice that something feels off within ourselves. We avoid the person, we feel free when we don’t have to interact with them, we feel safe when we are not around them and nervous or anxious when we have to be around them.  And while the other person is being abusive, so no excusing them, it is up to us to stand up and say, “No more! This ends now.” We grow stronger as we take responsibility of our own life and practice compassionate self-care every single day.

Energetic patterns within us can be sneaky. They can be actively impacting our lives without our conscious knowledge. One way to identify them is to simply track the emotional energy within, pay attention to self-talk, and notice how our body feels. Pay attention. Pay attention. Pay attention.

I feel like a graduated to another level with this ‘new again’ awareness. I feel free even though I don’t know the next step. But whatever it is, it will be with my compassion and support that I move forward into a welcoming doorway.

It is never okay to be de-valued, unappreciated, judged harshly, treated with disrespect. Ever. May we rise up with compassion and love to extricate ourselves from all relationships that bring such negative experiences into our lives. We are worthy of respect, love, appreciation. And it starts with how we treat ourselves.
Building

Building

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I was about four hours into a very labor-intensive project. As dust swirled around me in my basement workshop, I stopped and looked at the many pieces of wood laying on the work bench, floor and the cutting table. What if this doesn’t turn out like I envision? My aching neck and shoulders grumbled and I recognized the risk: It could be a flop.

The project began as a desire to abstain from the commercialism of Christmas. After several years of not having a tree or decorating, I really wanted to bring lights and celebration into my home. There were excuses: Nobody every comes to my house anyway, so why bother? Or, It’s too much trouble, bah humbug! I think it was just a time in my life where I wasn’t feeling it. But now, I’m calling my passion back in, lighting up my life again.

I’m not sure how the idea of building a tree from scrap lumber started. It was a glimmer of a thought on a Saturday morning during breakfast and by lunch, dust was flying and I was wondering if I was wasting a perfectly wonderful rainy day. 

It took a lot of thinking and figuring how to design it so it could be disassembled and stored, and yet be sturdy. And a favorite way I create is to challenge myself by not buying anything for projects. How can I create something using materials and supplies I already have on hand?

During that dusty pause, I realized the project was much more than building a Christmas tree. It reminded me of dreams and life and passions. We never know if an idea we have or the path we take will lead to success, yet if we engage in life and take the risk to dream and infuse our dream with passion, we are actively engaging in the process of living, of being alive. 

As I looked at the stacks of wood pieces, I wondered if they would become the object of beauty I envisioned or firewood. Likewise, will my dreams and all the energy and time I’ve devoted to them become dust or will they flourish some day? 

We can’t answer those questions in the middle of it all. We can only keep creating, keep feeding our passion into our dreams and take the risk to continue on the path we build as we move through life.

I’m inviting light back into my life this holiday season and actively engaging in celebrating with childlike wonder. If nobody else sees the Tree of Life I built or the many lights winding around my stair banisters and fir tree that grew a few miles from here on the mountain slope, it’s okay. I see the lights and smell the wonderful fir smell and I’m nurturing the kid in me who loves Christmas and the adult in me that understands and honors the Solstice. It’s time to nourish my dreams once more.

How I built the Tree of Life:

I started by gathering all the scrap lumber I had. I used a slab of oak for the base and drilled a hole using a Forstner bit. I added a piece of 2 x 4 and also drilled a hole and matched it to the base and screwed them together. I used an old wooden handle as a dowel and sawed to proper length (finished the length sawing after I assembled). I used pieces of 1 x 6 boards for the cross pieces and cut them to length using a skill saw and then used my fabulous cordless jigsaw to create funky shapes with curves and angles. Each of these pieces also had a center hole drilled. I used a longer piece of 1 x 2 inch board for the spaces, each needing the center hole as well. I painted everything after doing basic sketches on the cross boards. I use a funky folk artsy style. In a little over 8 hours, I had the tree cut out, did a test assembly, took it apart and painted it and put a semi-gloss clear coat on it. I woke up the next morning with a lingering dream of how to design the star. I created it after breakfast using a piece of 2 x 4 drilled in the vertical end so it would sit on top of the dowel. I cut the star out of a square piece of plywood. I drilled onto the 2 x 4 before painting just in case anything cracked or broke. Once I had it screwed together, I painted the star. I ended up with about 10 hours of hard work in this project. I’m super-happy with the outcome. It’s fun and happy and makes me smile.
Taking It In

Taking It In

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The beauty was absolute. I found myself struggling to take it in: gray boulders; clear, cold, rushing water; soft, green moss; trees standing naked in their late-winter/early spring anticipation; intense, crystal-clear, blue sky. 

I breathed and opened my heart. It was it challenging to create a space large enough, within myself, to receive such profound and amazing beauty.

I sat and allowed my mind to still. As I scanned my body, I discovered something akin to pain as I attempted to take in such bountiful beauty. In stretching on the inside, and releasing whatever blocks kept me from receiving, I moved deeper into communion, into Oneness.

So many times we expect our growth must arise from dark, difficult times. But what if inner growth can happen just as powerfully from experiencing good things, beautiful things. 

For many years I’ve asked Spirit, What can I do to make a difference?, I received the same two words: GO OUTSIDE. I challenged the answer, doubting the significance of how that could make a difference, yet it hasn’t wavered. I follow that direction more often as I have discovered that Nature draws me into deep communion with all life and helps me be grounded and present. If distractions keep me from the friendship with Nature, I get out of balance quickly.

Today, as I melted into Oneness, I felt intense grief arise for every moment I’m not in deep communion with Nature. I was in my natural state of being…in wonder and awareness of Oneness. I wasn’t separate from the water, rocks, trees, sky…until my mind took me out of that harmony and I felt that deep longing for home.

It reminded me of a story a teacher once told. He said he walked along the sea and saw millions of fish swimming, crying out in desperate need,  Water, water, water, water!!! Sometimes we mourn separateness while the only thing separating us are our thoughts. It’s here, in front of us, within us, all the time. Can we recognize it? Can we feel it? Can we take it in?

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To dive deeper into Nature and the path it offers to wholeness, I invite you to pre-order my new book, Book of Nature. I opened myself for Nature to speak through my photographs and words as It guides us into deeper relationship with Spirit, ourselves, and all life. If you pre-order you’ll get free shipping and a matted 5 x 7 photograph from the book. Send money to a friend ($18 each) to my PayPal email: simonelipscomb@me.com.

My two editors….