Listening
Work of the Soul
A few days ago I taught part of a yoga class with a small group of individuals from my yoga teacher training. Soul School is a program led by Sean Johnson and Mitchel Bleier. I met Sean through his beautiful musical gifts with Wild Lotus Band and took my first class with him at a yoga festival in Pensacola. Later, I traveled to Ireland to attend a Celtic spirituality retreat with Sean and Mary Meighan. I’ve practiced yoga for decades and have taken classes with some amazing instructors but knew that if I ever participated in a teacher training course it would be with Sean and Soul School.
Bhakti yoga is Sean’s touchstone…the yoga of loving devotion. The genuine love and heartfelt practice called deeply to me but I could never work out logistics to go to New Orleans to take the course. And then….the pandemic arrived and Soul School became an online offering. I had no more excuses. It was available to me if I dared follow the path.
My intention in participating was to find my Voice. Even though I’ve been super-blessed through the years to have the space and time to develop my skills and talents, I felt there was something missing in my ability to translate what is in my heart to the world and to share the love I have for the world in a way that was helpful and of service. I didn’t really expect to want to teach yoga. I just wanted to participate in the transformational process that I knew would take place.
As a musician and vocalist, Sean offered many teachings on opening the voice. As I worked with the exercises, layers of blocks to creativity began to drop away and I found myself in a creative flow that seemed effortless, as if it was pouring from my soul.
This past Saturday morning I awoke and did my morning meditation. During that quiet time I felt a strong resonance with the archetype of Teacher and heard that my work in the world is that of Teacher. I’ve been a massage therapy instructor, Reiki teacher, Polarity Therapy teacher, scuba instructor, photography instructor, piano teacher, meditation teacher…so it wasn’t a stretch to grasp that truth. But it wasn’t until I was in the teaching role last Saturday that I felt it…deeply felt the Teacher in me awaken to full potential.
In the preparation for teaching part of the class, everything flowed effortlessly. During the class, as I was teaching, I felt all of who I am present. My skills from various pursuits were there lending sparks of wisdom. There was no anxiety or fear. There was only flow. And after I finished I knew I had found the way forward in life.
I’ve been dreaming about teaching yoga outdoors, incorporating my skills as a body-centered psychotherapist from years ago, the body awareness from my days as a massage therapist and energy work practitioner, nature leader, training in various spiritual traditions, musician and poet/writer/mystic. Paying attention to that dream is easy because I’ve never felt so perfectly aligned with myself and Spirit as I did during that segment of class I taught.
Maybe that’s how we know we are doing the work of the soul…effortless alignment and full engagement of all parts of ourselves resulting in pure bliss and joy.
I’m so grateful to Sean and Mitchel for holding space for us during this training. Sean brings the mystical, spiritual to life in the training and Mitchel brings teaching of asanas to beautiful expression. I entered the program wanting to find my voice, not really expecting to become a yoga instructor and I finish the program with a stronger voice, increased creative flow and clarity of path that I’ve longed for…for such a long time.
Song of the Earth
For the past two decades whenever I asked how I can help the Earth, I heard to go into Nature and listen. When that answer first came I was living in Asheville, North Carolina, and would go sit on the deck and wonder how it could be that simple: Listen to Nature.
Gradually the seed that was planted began to take root in my mind and encounters with manatees, humpback whales and dolphins, while in their element, helped me listen deeper. The whales were perhaps my greatest teachers as they dropped into stillness and expanded their consciousness while wintering in warm waters. How could I say that? Because I have dropped into stillness with them while floating in their watery realm and they weren’t sleeping…they were dreaming.
Several years ago I was diving in Bonaire and humming in my regulator. As I paused while making this underwater music, I started to hear an answering tone or note. Tears flowed as I realized I was hearing the song of the ocean. My deeper listening was beginning to yield results.
And then a few years ago I was riding my bicycle in the back country trails of a coastal state park. I used the time spent pedaling as meditation and that particular day I began hearing different tones of plants, marshes, trees…not so much an outer sound as an inner sound, as if I was connecting with various vibrations. As I pedaled onward I heard that each species, each individual, each place has a vibration and all together we make a chord or a song. When a species disappears or a place is violated, that chord becomes more dissonant.
When Nature is destroyed or changed in harmful ways, the entire vibration of the planet changes. Not just in that one place, but everywhere. The Song of the Earth is altered and sound is the cosmic glue that holds it all together. Vibration. Energy. Once that is altered beyond repair, then chaos results. This is perhaps just a more esoteric version of what science is telling us about the massive changes our planet is experiencing and the sixth extinction in which we find ourselves.
Over the past few days I’ve been reviewing my path and what became clear is circles that keep presenting themselves in my life. Music and sound is one of those and seems to be the larger circle holding smaller ones that have been actively working in the depths.
Over the past few months I’ve been hearing to make music with Nature…to listen and work collaboratively with Nature. As I walk in the woods of the Great Smoky Mountains National Park I carry a native flute and as I play I pause and listen. I don’t want to play to Her, I want to play with Her. The more I do this, the stronger the feeling that when we listen to Nature we awaken a partnership with It and renew the bonds that have been broken, betrayed by humans.
As I was walking an unmarked, hidden trail two days ago, I felt the Earth–heard the Earth–asking me to play more music with Her. I kept hearing the questions, Why not now? Why wait?
Then yesterday I read an article from two years ago about Dahr Jamail’s book, The End of Ice: Bearing Witness and Finding Meaning in the Path of Climate Disruption. It reminded me of the closing where he writes of listening to Earth and how I’ve been doing the same thing. Not for a couple of decades but all my life. The thread that weaves throughout this six decade experience is listening to Earth. That realization helped me relax about the trajectory of my life’s path and realize that those promptings I’d heard twenty years ago, two days ago, were about connecting with the Song of the Earth and listening…deeply listening. And then playing with Her music.
Listening to the giant white pine tree and playing a song with her. Listening to my favorite rock on Indian Creek Trail and playing with her. Sitting at the Poulnabrone Dolmen, a portal tomb in the Burren of Ireland, and playing an Irish whistle with the energies there. Collaboration with Earth…working together with Her. That’s my path, my life’s work.
Everyone can hear the Song of the Earth. When we calm our minds and begin to deeply listen, we can hear it calling us into communion, into the sacred dance of life. May we listen and hear before it’s too late.
Trusting the Wind
Last night a song I heard 35 years ago played in the Apple Chill Mix round. It was one of those new age songs that became popular in the 80’s. I haven’t heard it in…well, probably 35 years. It was a foundational song in the leap on to a conscious and intentional spiritual path of healing. As I was listening it felt like a rip occurred within me.
It was like the fabric of who I am was once again ripped open, just like it was those many years ago, and I had all of this unhealed pain surface. Negative opinions about myself formed the basis of the flood of darkness that poured out of me. I reflected on those 35 years and where I thought I’d ‘be’ now. It really wasn’t such a lovely experience.
Where is my work making a difference? How is it supporting me financially? I want to bring beauty and joy and healing to this life experience and help others do that…how can I know if this is even happening?
Rather than go down that rabbit hole too deeply I went into meditation and it took a lot of focus to be able to calm my mind and let go of the negative messages bubbling up within me. An experience happened in the meditation where every animal and person that I have touched in a positive way showed up and ‘told me’ they were there to speak for me. It was quite overwhelming to see the many wild animals, dogs, cats, and people who showed up. I wept. Deeply.
I’ve tried to work a regular job and either I’ve not found the right one or my artistic, spiritual, creative side rebels and refuses to stay in a box. Everything within me goes into stress mode in a job where I’m not using my talents. When I was a state park naturalist it was amazing because I got to use my creativity and had a supervisor that trusted my environmental education expertise. But that was a long time ago.
Then there was the master’s in counseling and various jobs that followed and I have to be honest, I didn’t like that work…people rarely wanted to do the hard work of self-change and expected a magic wand along with their session time. Then I loved being a massage therapist and energy work practitioner…a lot! And I enjoyed teaching massage therapy and Reiki and Polarity Therapy. I felt like I was helping people feel better. And I still might do some energy work for folks once we can safely gather in close quarters.
But the most amazing work I’ve ever done happened from a promise I made to Great Spirit many, many years ago. I said if I ever had the financial means, I would dedicate myself and my life to helping the Earth heal. And 15 years ago I sold property I inherited and kept that promise. I documented the Gulf Oil Spill for a year, produced books and shared passionately about the relationship I have with Nature. I have shared with school children and church and civic groups about my journeys with humpback whales, dolphins, manatees and places like stone circles of England and the amazing western coast of Ireland. Nothing has brought me greater joy. But it hasn’t brought a sustainable income. And the world says I must be a failure if I cannot support myself through my work.
So last night I really felt the questions arise…What have the last 35 years meant? Have I made a difference?
It feels as if I’ve been on a 35 year long journey of clearing out the ineffective parts of my personality, honing the good parts, letting go of so much…shedding who I thought I was over and over again…allowing my life to unravel and unravel and unravel to a point of emptiness. And maybe that’s exactly what needed to happen. If we are empty then we can be filled.
Many, many years ago I stood on a beach and asked why I was doing the hard work of personal healing and the answer came through the purples and oranges of the sunset: The clearer and more open you are, the more able you are to take in beauty. So I continued on the way. And it’s true.
More than anything I want people to know that it’s worth the pain and struggle and effort when we can become clearer within our hearts and minds and thus more able to connect to the amazing Oneness found all around us. With beauty, with Nature.
Those moments where I have gone deeper with Nature…with humpback whales or dolphins, with the stars and moon, the ocean, the mountains…the experience of bliss and nearly unbelievable joy has made all of the hard work worth it. So I’ve written books and taken photographs and created videos and music in an effort to somehow translate this bliss and joy and remind other humans that it is possible.
I don’t know if my work reaches many people but I hope it reaches the ones that need it, long for hope and something to work toward in their healing journeys. A dear friend reminded me today that we never know how many folks we impact so I cast these pearls of experiences to the wind and allow that sacred breath to carry them wherever they are needed.