Engaging in Transformation
We are shifting. Consciousness is evolving. We are witnessing the breakdown of the old way of fear so that we can live from our hearts. Those that are wanting to amass more power and wealth are doing everything they can to create more for themselves. What they don’t realize is that the chaos they are creating is causing a massive awakening. And it’s scary.
Transforming the self takes hard work and the level of transformation we are going through is deep and powerful. Fears arise. Deeply rooted fears arise. The scariest things we’ve ever imagined began to stand beside us as we tremble. And yet, the way through this time is to dive deep into the shadows within ourselves, for in those shadows are found our most incredible gifts. Our inner treasures are hidden in those dark shadows. The question is, who is willing to journey there?
It comes in waves for me and I was doing pretty good by staying off social media (I don’t watch the news). Then there was a fire near my home…a big one…and I used social media to stay informed. Then I got back in the habit of scrolling. And this evening, I got triggered.
You see, I work on a federal grant. The government does not fund the grant, though. Nursing homes that are fined for violations fund this grant and many others. Last week all applications for new grants funded thusly were frozen as well as extensions on current grants…which we were about to apply for. This program is funded by nursing homes for nursing home residents, to improve their quality of life. So, not a waste of money or funded by the federal government. It’s one of those programs that support our elders who are suffering in their later years.
The post that triggered me listed more agencies and programs that are being gutted…service programs for the less fortunate. And fear arose.
So, I went outside and stood on the ground with bare feet and placed my hands on the bare earth and felt my feelings. And breathed. And asked for help.
My life has been about service…state park naturalist, mental health counselor, massage therapist, nature photographer and writer. And now, project coordinator for a nursing home grant. I’ve volunteered to help sea turtles, dolphins, manatees…have worked with children in environmental education and with children and adults as a fly fishing guide volunteer. I’ve picked up litter on beaches and along roads, and currently volunteer with the national park nearby. Most of the books I’ve created and published I’ve shared profits with environmental groups. It hasn’t been about amassing a fortune. It has and will always be about wanting to help others…people, animals, places.
My life has been focused on empathy. Something the current administration says is a weakness, a flaw. If this is so, I am horribly and magnificently flawed.
As I knelt under the new moon, I spoke out loud about my gifts and talents and my desire to serve and help in the massive awakening occurring on our beloved planet. I don’t know if my job will continue or if tomorrow, I’ll be without income. But I do know I came here to serve and share beauty, kindness, and compassion. And I will continue doing that, no matter what.
I’m engaging deeply in my own transformation and I’m here to help others who wish to engage with theirs. Reach out. You are not alone.
The Holy Grail of the Present Moment
There is a moss-covered log I love to visit when hiking one of the higher altitude trails in a nearby national park. It is within 30 feet of the heavily-used trail and the area is open around it, with trees but no underbrush.
Each time I visit the tree, I sit on it, still my mind, and listen. I find myself merging into the energy of the forest.
In the times I’ve paused there, I’ve watched as many, many people walk past. Thru-hikers on the AT, spring breakers, families, solo hikers. Loud, quiet, chatty. Never has anyone seen me…except for one child that was looking everywhere at the beauty. She smiled at me as if she understood exactly what was happening within me. She seemed to understand the forest’s magic, too.
When we become so focused on ‘getting there’ in our life, we totally miss the beauty all around us, the miracles that happen every day. Our destination becomes the holy grail, when the actual grail is found in every step. Every pause. Every detour.
Perhaps the ultimate happiness and joy comes from letting go of the destination and surrendering to the magic of the present. The unfolding of little miracles that happen when we stop and know the power of every breath.
Pack for What You Want
We had a weather system that brought snow a few days ago. Upper elevations in the national park received several inches. This meant the main road through the park was closed until the road could be plowed. They don’t use chemicals to melt the ice, so sometimes it takes a few days for the road to re-open after a snowfall.
I hadn’t hiked my favorite hike the entire month and the snowfall made me really want to make the trek; however, the road was still closed.
I woke up Sunday morning and throughout the morning, checked the park’s website. The road remained closed. I started filling my pack for another hike in the park, but then stopped. What if I prepared for the longer hike up Alum Cave and head to that entrance to the park. If the road was open, I could do the trail. If not, I could do a shorter one in a campground.
I left my home at 11am and when I got to the park, they had just opened the gate. Even though parking at Alum Cave is challenging, nobody else thought the road was open so I figured I had a good shot at a parking space. And I did. I’d never seen the parking lot so empty.
It was noon when I started hiking and I knew I had only 5 ½ hours of daylight to complete the 10+ mile hike. It is a hike with an elevation gain of 2671 feet and lots and lots of steps. By 3pm, I’d need to be heading down and gave myself that cut-off. If I had not reached the lodge by 3, I needed to turn back. A headlamp is fine and I’ve done early morning hikes with a headlamp, but temperatures would drop again and I wanted to be done by 5.30.
Little patches of snow were beautiful along the trail. It was very muddy from snow melt, but no snow or ice was on the trail until I got to a log bridge above Arch Rock, over two miles up. I started noticing more little slushy patches of snow, but didn’t have any long stretches of snow to navigate until I was above Alum Cave.
There was a definite temperature change as I gained elevation and the famous ledges began to have a bit of snow. I used microspikes as needed and found them really helpful, although the few other people I met were not using them.
About a mile and a half before the lodge, there were long stretches of snow and the wind began to pick up. It felt good actually, because I was working hard to make the lodge by 3pm.
When I reached Hallelujah Curve, the last half mile of relatively flat trail lay ahead. It was covered in packed snow that was slippery. The spikes helped me continue at a good pace and I arrived at the lodge precisely at 3pm. Considering I’d stopped to put on and take off the spikes several times, I was happy with my time; however, I didn’t have time to sit and rest and eat. I had to boogie back down the 5+ miles. I took a few photos, used the vault toilet, and started down the trail.
It was a wonderland of high-elevation fir and spruce forest. The balsam fir smell, which always intoxicates me, was strong. I felt a bit rushed to not be able to spend time wandering and connecting with the trees.
The hike down took 2 ½ hours. Alum Cave, in the late afternoon sun, was exquisite. The warm glow of light on the rock face was lovely. I’ve only seen in in the gray light of dawn and mid-day light.
I made it to the parking lot just as it was getting dark.
The day was a good reminder to prepare for what I really want in life, not just what appears to be possible. Had I packed for the shorter hike I assumed I’d have to do, I couldn’t have done the hike I really wanted to do.
Always be prepared for what you truly want in life. Expect that it is possible.
On Being Real
I recently made a comment about personal appearance after hiking with other women. I said it was nice to hike with women who didn’t care about their appearance. Obviously, what I meant to say was, It’s nice to be outdoors with women who are not freaking out because their make-up got smeared, their colors don’t match, or their stomach isn’t as flat as it used to be. Or something like that. Perhaps I should have said, I don’t care about my appearance when hiking, I just want to be comfortable.
For my entire life, I have never been overly concerned about caking on make-up or wearing the proper colors or styles. I want to be clean and comfortable. I figured if people don’t like what I wear or what I look like, they shouldn’t hang out with me. I refuse to be overly concerned about things that used to drive me to unhealthy behaviors. The greatest compliment I can offer someone is to be 100% myself with them, without pretense, without caring that the age spots on my face look more scary every day. Or my mid-section is fuller than it was when I was starving myself. As Popeye the Sailor said, I yam who I yam.
In a time when everyone seems so addicted to being offended about everything, I’m relieved to find people who understand that not everything is about them. Not every comment is a criticism. I’m just happy I can put on my shorts, shirt, sports bra, wool socks, boots, and pack or fly fishing gear and enjoy the woods without worrying whether the fashion police will be ticketing women who aren’t perfect in shape, weight, hair, and makeup.
I am more concerned about what’s happening in my heart, my friend’s heart’s, than what any of us wear or what we look like. Haven’t women evolved past that? I sure hope so.
