Trying to communicate love isn’t always easy. The word has so many different meanings. For some, it means sex. For others it may mean possession. Others might think of love as obligation. Everyone has a personal spin on what it means resultant of their own experience of relationship.
When you tell someone you love them, their filters of personal experience can possibly change what your intention was. And then things get messy and people might respond as if you are the one who originally taught them about love in relationship. Painful experiences can follow us throughout our lives and we expect love to bring the gut-wrenching punch we first felt when someone we loved acted in an unloving way. It can be confusing.
Dion Fortune, one of my favorite writers, wrote this, “The personality must be healed so the power can come through clear.” This has been my quest for decades now…heal my personality flaws so that I can be a clearer channel for love. This isn’t easy. It’s not a path for the faint of heart. We must be willing to open ourselves completely and make horrible fools of ourselves when, in our openness, we stumble. But if we have the courage to be that open, to be that vulnerable and to feel so deeply to clear our personality flaws, then only good will result.
When I say, I love you, think of the chimpanzee hugging Jane Goodall when he is released after she rescued him (see video above). That’s just pure love without expectation or labels. It’s the nameless experience of unconditional positive regard…light manifested through action. The monkey isn’t asking Jane for anything. He is simply allowing an energy of pure love to move through his open heart with nothing attached, nothing expected.
Romantic love doesn’t interest me nor does possession of anyone or expectation of anyone. I want to live in the space of open-hearted communication and communion with the world. To those that mean the most to me I wish to be able to clearly show love without it being misconstrued as something it’s not. We can’t control how others receive the love we express so the only thing I know to do is to keep loving…purely, without expectation and with my whole heart.
I think animals are such channels for love because they don’t live in the past. They simply allow their open hearts to bring forth the magic of light manifested through action. When I watched mother humpback whales and their calves interact this past February it was crystal clear that love was guiding them. It was the most exquisite expression of love I’ve ever seen.
Perhaps this is why I have always appreciated animals so much. We understand each other without thinking about it or wondering what it means….I love you….and you….and you….and you…….I love you.
As I hopped into the car, silver strands of spider webs swirled around me. After an 18 mile bike ride I was headed to help the sea turtle team with our three nests this morning. THREE!
Was on the bike just after 5.30am and enjoying the beautiful sunrise and cool temperature when my phone rang at 6.01am. It was a turtle team friend. She knows to call me before the ALL CALL goes out because I live 20 miles from our Laguna Key team beach. Rather than fumble with it I just let it go to voice mail and continued the ride.
When you are in the back of the state park on a backcountry trail, it’s going to take a while to get back to the car anyway. Why not finish my ride?
The Share the Beach ALL-CALL came in at 6.22am. I had already turned around to head back to the car so I’d check it when I finished riding. But at 6.31am my friend Cathy, who had called me earlier, texted me so I knew something was up. It wasn’t just one nest. Her text read: THREEEE NESTS!
So I forwarded my iPod to Prince and Michael Franti and put the after-burner on full blast. So much for a leisurely pedal back to finish the third day in a row of cycling fun. I texted Cathy: Cycling. Be there in a bit. There is an art to texting and cycling which I don’t recommend.
Back to the car by 7.10am and called to find out their location. Just starting the first nest at the far end of our section. Nice, I thought. By the time I drive from the state park to the beach they will have found eggs at the first nest and I’ll help with the other two.
Unfortunately that wasn’t the case and in fact our team was split into two groups, each digging to find eggs on two nests within 100 yards of each other. I knew it was bad when I arrived and all I saw was the top of their heads sticking out from the hole. No eggs yet.
I joined in and it took us until 8.30 am to find eggs. The nest was right on the edge of the water and had to be moved by 9am. The other diggers still had no luck with their nest.
You might wonder how we know for sure there are eggs and it’s not just a false crawl. A false crawl is when we have tracks that generally are in and out of the water with no body pit or spray. An indicator of a nest is of course the crawl, an indentation or body pit and sand spray. Both nests had body pits and spray. The other nest was even closer to the water. A high tide would most likely take it out.
Deb found the eggs and ran to help the other group while Jan, one of our team leaders, and I started removing and counting eggs. Meanwhile Ken, the other team leader, went due north of us to dig a hole that would have the same depth and dimensions as the original nest dug by mama turtle.
We finished moving the eggs, putting the predator screen and stakes in place and marking it and headed for the third nest further east. We left the rest of our team trying their best to find eggs before 9am.
Nest three of the day was wonderfully placed by the mother turtle so we only had to find the eggs, not move them. And do all the measurements and GPS readings that we do.
I began digging…by digging I mean carefully using the side of my hand to gently scrap layers of sand somewhere in the spray zone of the nest. Ken and Jan started the measurements of crawl, placement and such. I hadn’t been digging long when the rest of our team showed up and helped. It was getting hot and none of us had eaten breakfast so we were quite anxious to find the eggs, take the GPS reading, erect the protective gadgetry and head home.
This is where the mother turned. Notice her body pit. Spray is to the left.
Every mother turtle has her own, unique way of placing her nests so there isn’t a formula that takes into consideration her crawl in and out of the water, the spray zone or placement of the body pit. Every one is different so that makes finding the eggs a chore.
Another view of the crawl, body pit and spray. Spray is to the left.
Thankfully, I found them within 15 minutes of scooping sand. All of our knees were nearly blistered from kneeling and scooping sand for hours. Also, our team isn’t made up of young adults. We are all middle aged plus so it really takes a team effort to do the work.
This past Sunday we had two nests, yesterday we had two nests and today three. I predict a really bad hurricane along our coast some time late August or early September. These turtles have a way of knowing when to lay their nests. I hope this isn’t the case but we’ve seen it before. Or they know the satellite tag team is about to began their work and they are wanting to avoid the capture and tagging process.
We were exhausted after our morning’s work.
About 55 days from now, we will be recruiting volunteers to help us with these nests. We erect black tarps behind and along the side to keep light from the houses and street out, but we really need to be present to make sure they don’t get out and crawl under houses or into the street. Surprise hatchings have yielded this result and it’s sad to see the carnage of baby turtles if they crawl the wrong way out of their nest. Third week of July if you’d like to become a volunteer we can get a free shirt and training for you. The nights sitting out under stars while the Gulf of Mexico laps gently along the shore….it’s just hard to beat. Seeing the tiny turtles in the black out conditions make their way to the water is amazing. Once in a while there is phosphorescence in the sand and their small flippers create little star-bursts of light as they touch the sand. Have I sold you on volunteering yet?
We will have seven nests hatching around the same time. That’s crazy….and there could be more.
You never know what the day will bring. Today it was sea turtle mania. Tomorrow…who knows!
Decades ago I had a vision of living alone in a cottage as an older woman. I can’t remember the exact circumstances but it was a very strong image.
Society has certain expectations. If you are single and choose to live alone, and have the audacity to be happy, it can make others uncomfortable. One of my long-time friends recently pointed out that living alone, choosing to be single, and being happy is a lifestyle. I had never thought of it that way before and it was quite eye-opening.
I love living alone. There. I said it. I find fulfillment and happiness by myself.
New friends I met diving the Sea of Cortez last autumn.
I have friends and I travel a bit and meet new friends. It would be awesome to have a traveling companion to enjoy nature with but if not, I’m still happy. I don’t really want a live-in relationship.
It seems the world is geared to people who are in relationship. I was listening to a playlist while cycling this morning and every song was about being in a relationship…with another person. What if I just want to be in a relationship with myself? Can someone please write a song about that? And make a fun one, a happy one…please.
Not to say I haven’t been in love or that I don’t still very much love a man. But who says love has to look a certain way? Can’t I love another person without wanting a romantic, rose and chocolates kind of experience? Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But are Cinderella and Snow White really the fairy tales we want to base our lives on? We never know what happened to their happy ‘ending’ after they became self-actualized. Maybe they discovered they really wanted to live in their own castles and find joy in solitude and just invite the prince when they wanted to take a fun journey.
Creatively I am my most-productive when alone. I ride my bicycle alone with rare exception because I enjoy being out in nature with no distractions. My friend wrote me the other day and reminded me that I can choose to be happy in my life, but I have to consciously take that step. Today it all made complete sense.
Yesterday was the craziest day I’ve ever experienced but it opened me to this realization: I am happy. I like living alone and having a relationship with nature and my four-legged companions. I love and appreciate my friends and love a man that still brings wisdom to me even though we have been apart over four years. And I’m not closed to a relationship but I envision more of a traveling companion. But if he doesn’t show up, I’m still happy.
I wrote to my friend last week: I am clear that cultivating relationships with trees, ocean, earth, animals and learning to love…period…is my path. Love to depths that clears way anything that keeps me from being open to bringing through unconditional love and light.
Sometimes we need a reminder that we are already happy with what we have.
Today I was reminded of how a lack of clarity can be brutal to a person’s psyche. It’s just been a strange day. I got an email that ripped the understanding of my world apart, saw a person dead, passed out or asleep in a ditch in front of a tavern, and pushed myself hard cycling for 25 miles hoping it would burn off the crazy. It didn’t work. I finished the ride and was just hot, sweaty and still crazy.
Another email supposedly clarifying the first one left me more confused and more crazy-feeling. Just speak plainly. Just tell me the truth. Thank you.
But truth is in short supply.
People are sorting through half-truths all over the planet. Who can tell a lie from the truth when words are coming from a politician’s mouth? Is the government lying about how much oil leaked from Shell’s pipes in the Gulf a few weeks ago. Do corporations lie to avoid fines or criminal charges? Shot a gorilla in a zoo because their tranquilizer gun was where? Pesticides are safe. GMO’s are safe. It’s okay to destroy the planetary ecosystems because….what is the ‘truth’ today? In your life? In mine? For our planet?
People seem to say anything that will get them what they want, regardless of the percentage of fact included. Why is honesty such a skittish commodity?
Telling the truth may create reactions in others that are scary. If we really knew how much harm we do to our bodies by ingesting pesticide-ridden food would we rise up and grow our own? Would we ditch medical practices that are more harmful than good? The atmosphere itself seems congested with lies that protect corporations, governments, the 1%….. and damn all other life on the planet.
What started as a simple question, early this morning, snowballed into this thesis–or rant–on half-truths and created a wave of crazy in me that longs for truth, even if it hurts, even if its scary. I want all things hidden to be exposed. I want the government, corporations, politicians and every single one of us to let go of the fear of speaking the truth. Or is the fear that we simply cannot handle the truth?
Photograph Summer 2010…Shell Oil
Let’s start with honesty and build on that. Shall we? I can handle the truth. Can you?
An email came from our team leaders this week about our schedule. I replied to everyone that we were going to have two sea turtle nests to process on Sunday. “Be ready,” I wrote.
Meanwhile it has been a very trying week topped off by one of my darling cat kids waking me at 2:30am this morning. Sleep never returned so I left the house at 4.30am and took my tripod and camera for some long exposure photography at the beach. Why not, I reasoned.
Conditions were near perfect. There was enough surf to give a very silky effect to the 30 second exposures. For half an hour, waiting for light, I stood on the beach and communed with the Ocean Mother while my camera perched on it’s carbon fiber legs soaking up the light and magic that was very present on the Gulf of Mexico this morning.
When it was light enough to see the beach clearly, I ran my tripod back to the car and began the mile and a half walk along the white sand. At 6.15am, 35 minutes after I began my walk, the most wondrous sight appeared.
A most-perfect V crawl and nest pit awaited discovery. I screamed in excitement, “YES!”I turned to the water and said with laughter, “THANK YOU!”Then I quickly fumbled with my phone to call our team leaders. As I was leaving them a message, a message from our All-Call system came in…we had another nest in the upper part of our section of beach. Immediately I remembered my prediction….be ready.
I hurriedly finished the rest of my walk and met up with gathering team members at the first nest. It was called in last night around 9.30pm and was already marked. This was incredibly good because human footprints completely covered the tracks. We would never have discovered it had the tourists not called it in.
We processed the nest, which had to be moved due to close proximity to the water. (Our federal permit gives us permission if the nest is too close to the tide line). But we couldn’t linger as we had nest number two of the day to process.
‘My’ nest had to be moved as well as it was too close to the water’s edge and high tide mark. Several of us dug (scraped carefully) to find the eggs. I found them!! Magic! Pure magic!
It had been a very rough week emotionally and as I stood at the water’s edge photographing at 5am I spoke with the Ocean Mother and shared my heart. I felt a reply…We all make mistakes. Look…I had something to do with the birthing of __________ (politician). I laughed out loud at the thought. “Yes, I guess none of us are perfect,” I said out loud.
The Ocean Mother gifted me with the delight of her daughter turtle’s nest. At least that’s how I experienced it. When I arrived at the crawl it looked as if the sand had just been turned by her beautiful flippers. The eggs still had the beautiful mother turtle’s fluids fresh and stringy on them as we gently transferred them to their new incubation location, just above the high tide line.
The lesson for me this week has been to face all of who I am…the good, the bad and the ugly. There is a surrender that comes with that choice and in it are little gifts and treasures. Super-grateful for the photographs of the silky sea….which is how I see the energy of the sea…and for the mother loggerhead who gifted me with a perfect crawl and nest…and for the other turtle mother who made my mystical prediction a reality.
Psychic Simone predicts a nap in her very near future.
Here’s another prediction….I see myself taking a nap very soon. And I’m contemplating opening a psychic hotline very soon. Details to follow.
Dion Fortune, one of my favorite writers, wrote this, “The personality must be healed so the power can come through clear.” This has been my quest for decades now…heal my personality flaws so that I can be a clearer channel for love. This isn’t easy. It’s not a path for the faint of heart. We must be willing to open ourselves completely and make horrible fools of ourselves when, in our openness, we stumble. But if we have the courage to be that open, to be that vulnerable and to feel so deeply to clear our personality flaws, then only good will result.
Romantic love doesn’t interest me nor does possession of anyone or expectation of anyone. I want to live in the space of open-hearted communication and communion with the world. To those that mean the most to me I wish to be able to clearly show love without it being misconstrued as something it’s not. We can’t control how others receive the love we express so the only thing I know to do is to keep loving…purely, without expectation and with my whole heart.
I think animals are such channels for love because they don’t live in the past. They simply allow their open hearts to bring forth the magic of light manifested through action. When I watched mother humpback whales and their calves interact this past February it was crystal clear that love was guiding them. It was the most exquisite expression of love I’ve ever seen.
Perhaps this is why I have always appreciated animals so much. We understand each other without thinking about it or wondering what it means….I love you….and you….and you….and you…….I love you.
