
Breaking Free

A primeval-feeling forest of red spruce and Fraser fir trees lined the trail. I had just turned off the Appalachian Trail onto a less traveled trail and was enjoying solitude. A few minutes prior I had put out a request to the Universe to help me learn how to regain emotional sovereignty during these times of intense turmoil in the world. I asked to be shown a key to understanding how to regain my joy amidst the insanity of the times.

I hadn’t gone but maybe a quarter mile up the trail when I saw a beautiful owl feather laying perfectly positioned beside the trail. As I touched it, I heard… ‘so you can fly without noise.’ I always think of the ability to see in the dark as being owl’s greatest gift, but noiseless flight was what Owl presented.
I recalled a large owl flying within a few feet of me and not making one sound…not a whoosh, or swish….totally silent flight. Decades have passed and I still vividly remember that experience.

As I continued up the trail, I pondered the answer that Owl brought to me. Two miles I walked, down 1000 feet of elevation and back up 1000 feet of elevation, allowing my mind to piece together the answer to my question….how can I gain emotional sovereignty during these trying times.
I thought of the quality of owl feathers, their softness and velvety texture. I also thought of using inner vision to fly within myself to see in the dark, but with gentleness and softness…like owl feathers…. not a wrecking ball of clearing uncomfortable emotions. As I imagined the gentle, soundless flight into myself, a surge of emotion arose within me and tears came. Along with the clarity I had asked for in my earlier request.
I’m only a victim as long as I am willing to allow the chaos of the world to make its way into me and ‘plug’ into me. Victimization happens when we allow what’s happening around us to determine how we feel, think, and act. Freedom comes from unplugging from the chaos outside ourself, to regain a sense of personal power.
It isn’t only claiming sovereignty—personal power—over my emotional triggers. It’s also about having agency…knowing that I have the capacity to act independently and to exercise free will. And therein lies the key to freedom from victimization.
I have a choice in how much I allow what’s happening outside of me to influence what’s happening within me. One way of looking at this is like a loving and strong inner guardian setting boundaries that keeps harmful bullies from hurting me. This guardian doesn’t block everything from touching me, only the hate, the meanness and everything that goes with those intentions.

After retracing my steps, I turned back onto the Appalachian Trail and within a few minutes saw a beautiful doe grazing on ferns, just off the trail. She looked up at me as I paused. Deer brings gentleness into our lives. She was a reminder to be gentle with myself, to be soft in my inner explorations, and to know that I have choice. I can choose to be free.

And a closing thought….colonizers, dictators, and authoritarians try to take away sovereignty by limiting rights and freedoms, and they try to take away agency as well. They don’t want the people they are trying to control to think they have the ability to act independently and exercise free will. We will do well to remember that nobody can take away our power over ourselves and our ability to think, feel, and act independently of anyone’s approval. We always have choice with our inner freedoms.