Kylemore Abbey
It may seem strange for a nature writer to focus on an abbey but it was a magical place that seemed very much in harmony with the spirits of the land. When we visited, it was under repair so I couldn’t photograph it. What I noticed was the seamless integration of human and nature. And….I had an experience there that still makes me laugh.
Rain was steadily falling as we added a top layer of waterproof jackets and pants to keep us dry. I brought along a collapsible umbrella to protect my camera. Ireland is known for its rain and changeable weather. But that day the radar showed rain rain rain rain rain.
I like the inner stillness that comes from being outside in rain. It’s not easy to extend my energy out there when rain is constantly giving a soft boundary that is immediate to my physical body. Even the drip drip drip of sprinkles insist on my being mindful of the present moment. Keep my camera dry, keep my head dry, stay focused on this right here.
The Abbey is huge and beautiful but I was more drawn to the trail that wandered through the grounds. We passed a small waterfall that emptied eventually into the beautiful lake. The mountains of Connemara were the backdrop of the still water.
A walk along Lough Pollacapull led to a small chapel that was simply stunning. The dark, wet stones seemed part of the woodlands. The inside was carved with beautiful nature elements. It was the most deeply peaceful chapel I’d ever visited. I felt surrounded by sweetness. This was most likely due to the chapel’s devotion to Mary.
I’m not Catholic but there were candles and I felt inspired to light one. I put my donation in and attempted to light the candle. I thought there were wicks already in the glass holders. My intention…. light a candle in prayer for ‘the’ man to enter my life. I had been six years single and in a deep healing process….sort of like a nun. I wasn’t looking for a man but should a compassionate, nature-loving, working-on-his-healing, creative one arrive in my life…I was open.
Frustratingly, the candle refused to light. I started to look around and noticed the box of small, white candles under the donation box. Doh! Lesson–if you want to invite your soulmate into your life make sure there’s something to actually call him to….in other words, show up! I was relieved that Gabriela and I were the only ones there as I felt a little ridiculous. I know the security footage from that day must be especially entertaining.
Later I discovered that Mitchell Henry built the castle in the late 1800’s, inspired by his love for his wife. His wife died and the chapel was built in memory of her. No wonder the energy there is so sweet. The love was palpable.
The gardens were magical, even with formal design and plantings. And all around were gigantic trees, perhaps saved from logging many centuries ago. I had a most profound experience with an old tree.
I stopped and put my forehead against the rough bark. I said, show me. I began to feel dizzy as images flashed through my mind like turning pages of a book very fast. Slow down, please, I whispered. Finally, the images slowed and came to rest on one of a small tree. I ‘heard’ a raspy whisper, Once I was a tiny tree and look at me now. Never give up. Always believe in yourself.
The Abbey and surrounding land shows that humans can interact with nature and live in harmony by practicing respect. Nature spirits can be celebrated in the design and operations of a place…even a big place. If humans are mindful of the energies of a place, there can be mutually beneficial existence. When we inhabit an area our presence doesn’t have to destroy the magic.
Ireland is a deeply dwelled in landscape with a long history of habitation by humans. And yet the energies of nature are strong and very present. I suspect this is because there is still a great respect, in many areas, of the Shining Ones that remain. I say this in reference to the rural areas–I didn’t feel that positive vibe near the airport in Dublin. The growth there has been exponentially destructive over the past ten years. It is my hope that the energies of nature will be honored and remembered because in my experience, that is why Ireland is such an incredible place.
Kylemore Abbey, as it is now called, is a Benedictine Abbey operated by nuns. They arrived in 1920 after their Abbey in Ypres, Belgium was destroyed during World War I.
The Neo-Gothic church, as it is called, is described as a ‘Cathedral in Miniature. It was built in the style of a 14th century gothic cathedral.
By the time the hike was over I was very glad someone knew I was out there in that wild place. It wasn’t long after we separated that the weather began to turn. Thankfully I had my rain parka in my pack. Unfortunately I was wearing my new awesome ‘cow girl’ hat which didn’t take kindly to the eerie wind that started to build as I climbed up the mountain.
With every step up, the wind seemed determined to push me back. Heavy clouds appeared to come from the bowels of hell as the temperature plummeted. I stopped and removed my camera pack, pulled out the jacket, gloves and exchanged my big Nikon for a waterproof GoPro. And…it was steep. So with the exertion, there was sweat and yet the biting cold wind, my body struggled to regulate temperature.
“It was an unforgiving environment with steep mountains and changeable weather. I felt the nature energies unapologetic for their strength, unwilling to temper their power. This is who we are. Deal with it, is what I heard as I climbed. I thought….Oh, great!”
And it did feel like I was shown the incredible power of the spirits of nature. There was no touchy-feely sweet little faery energy. This was the unabashed, unleashed, in-your-face experience of the elementals.
I did okay until I got near the summit, even with wind whipping around me and fog mixed with sleet beginning to blanket the summit. Even now, a year later, as I write this I feel the fear of mis-stepping, slipping on the wet rocks. I was alone and the conditions were deteriorating fast. At least Gabriela could alert someone if I failed to return to the car.
I began to wonder if I should continue. The signs warned to not turn around, to keep moving forward on the one-way trail but the summit appeared to be a very narrow ledge and with winds increasing and fog hovering the wisdom of moving forward was questioned.
I met a guy hiking up the trail after I turned around. He stopped me to inquire about the conditions. He said he had tried to summit many mountains nearby in his travels and each time the weather had turned him back. He was determined to make it….I hope he did. Another time, I will make it to the 445 meter high mountain and finish the loop.
A large….very large…rock ‘told’ me that before people created sacred sites, all sites were sacred. Everywhere is sacred. The energy of people gathering in places adds to–or takes away–depending on their intention. There are special places where energy is concentrated; however, all places are sacred.
The rock ‘said’ this to me in reference to my sadness at not seeing more prehistoric monuments. I had been disappointed about this but the rock reminded me of the sacred that existed before humans ever recognized a place…so I can find the sacred and make the connection without there being those humans before me who have done so.
A nature walk through The Burren is never just a walk. The landscape seems especially alive and ready to share with those willing to listen. It reminded me that indeed all places are sacred.
Everywhere we walked there seemed to be very special. It was seriously sweet to walk through the nature trail at the national park. Green moss, gray stones….so quiet and peaceful and absolutely wild. Of course the visit was in February on a cold, gray day. I expect tourist season or a sunny weekend would bring many people out to enjoy the magic.
An excerpt from my journal reads, “The reason I love Appalachia is my connection to Ireland. If there is such a thing as past lives I must have left Ireland on a ship bound for America and ended up in the Appalachian Mountains. Perhaps that’s why I am drawn to those mountains. My heart opens here in Ireland. My wild spirit finally feels free, unlocked here in The Burren. This is a key to remember.”
At that time I had not set a course for the future. I had not decided to sell my home and move. Now, a year later, my home is for sale and I hope to move back to the Appalachian Mountains. I didn’t remember writing about the Ireland-Appalachian connection when I made my decision to look in that direction. I’m glad I left a ‘key’ to affirm my decision.
The Burren reminded me of Inis Mor a lot and the journey there, just months before, completely changed my life in ways that are still unfolding and even led to a new eBook that was just birthed. All of the beauty and wildness felt in The Burrren helped me open deeper to the wildness within myself. I think that’s what happens when we walk into the landscape and experience it as living rather than just space.
Late this afternoon Buddy and I went for a walk in the woods of the state park near where we live. It was a survival move. A passive aggressive man decided to unload on me earlier. And you know, my wild women sisters, when a passive aggressive man starts pointing fingers at us, he’s struggling with taking responsibility for his own mess. So we have to take care of ourselves and get back to the wild places in nature that can reflect the purity of the wild places within us.
On the way to our regular walking trail I had a dark, familiar energy arise that felt very self-abusive. I hadn’t felt that way in a while so I immediately paid attention and it brought amazing clarity as I tugged at it.
When people wish to control others but wish to be nice about it, they twist and turn their words to try and pry under our boundaries. If they can just plant a tiny seed of their passive aggression within us, we take it from there and turn the knife ourselves. I saw clearly today how that works energetically. They know they cannot be outright aggressive but if they are passively aggressive….well, then their work is simple….that is until they meet a wild woman.
Today, as we walked the trails and watched wild deer watching us, I also looked inward and saw how I used to allow other’s passive aggression to work its way quietly into me and rattle me, make me doubt myself, make me hate parts of myself, and make me not want to even exist, so intense was the pain. I think women are especially prone to do this as we allow ourselves to become domesticated and controlled by receiving ‘silent’ aggression and then using it to destroy ourselves.
Later today, in meditation, I sat with this and realized it’s a chronic problem women have faced for how long?…from the beginning? Passive aggressiveness is a lazy person’s way to get what they want–control. And the need to control is based in fear. The insidious part is that we destroy ourselves….yes, sisters. We do it to ourselves by taking that tiny little seed of someone else’s quiet aggression and become the assassin. We are the hired hit-man for our own execution.
After a while we begin to think we are crazy, wrong, at fault. We doubt the truth. We doubt our truth because we have swallowed the bitter seed of passive aggression and turned against ourselves. When we do this, we lose the essence of ourselves. We lose that beautiful, wild, free, amazing woman. We give our power to the aggressor and become depleted.
As I connected with that strong, powerful wild woman within me, she was able to help me see that this isn’t an isolated case of one woman struggling to keep her power. No, my sisters, this is a global issue women deal with all over the planet. It’s in families, the workplace, politics, churches, schools…everywhere.
Perhaps the idea of passive aggression is unfamiliar with some readers. Think of a person writing an inflammatory letter where they are subversively threatening you and then at the end writing God Bless…but you know that what they really mean is F#%k You! When that happened today I burst out laughing. I know what you really mean mister. I hear you loud and clear. Now hear this…you can’t have my power. You can’t control me with your ‘polite’ aggression.
I return to nature to re-charge, to reconnect with myself. I am a part of nature. We are nature. I always feel better in the woods or underwater, but especially need to connect with the pure essence of wildness when facing abusive human interactions–whether coming from another person or I am perpetrating them on myself.
In remembering the last journey to Ireland my mind goes back to Hotel Doolin and the amazing music we experienced each night. One night in particular we were able to get a table adjoining the musicians table. Yes they have a table….they sit around it and play. The rest of us are just there to witness their magical circle of music.
We flew in to Dublin on a super-eclipse-blue moon that hadn’t happened since 1866. Every morning the moon was hanging over the ocean when the frost kissed the tender blades of green. She inspired me quite a bit and I wrote this about her: “She shines over us in her elliptical journey, from one horizon to the other, with soft light causing tides and other invisible stirrings in hearts and minds as we open to touch the Unseen. We breathe in her grace and carry her rhythms into our soul.”
The music and moon must have inspired my writing. February 5, 2018 as I wrote this blessing in my journal that morning: