Two days ago I launched  my SUP board at a small, sandy beach on the river and noticed otter tracks. Native traditions speak of the otter as teaching playfulness. The water is an ancient symbol for the feminine, creative forces and emotions in life so otter’s play reminds us that we all need to allow our creative side a chance to come out and play and to not take life so seriously.

As I paddled I thought about the tracks and was excited to know that an otter had visited our little beach and reminded me to lighten up. Life had been very serious and heavy for the past couple of weeks so the otter’s visit was a little nudge to play a bit.

The otter tracks were still present when I launched my board this morning. It was foggy and cool, the dampness permeated everything. The cypress trees stood as silent centennials along the river bank. The absence of wind made paddling especially enjoyable as my board sliced through the mirror-like surface.

I rounded a bend in the river and to my horror saw a pelican floating head down in the river. It was obviously dead but I wanted to remove it from the water to offer respect and to acknowledge its life….and death. I knelt down on my board and grasped a wing and pulled. It hardly moved. I looked closer and saw its neck was fully extended with the bill potentially stuck in the shallow bottom. I grasped both wings and pulled very hard. Nothing. I tried several times but made no progress.

How was this possible? In over 50 years of life spent enjoying the water and especially pelicans, I had never seen anything so strange. What happened? I wanted badly to free the bird but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t help. Finally I gave up, said a little prayer and paddled on, still thinking about this strange occurrence. Still disturbed by such a strange accident. And determined to understand the teaching being offered.

I thought of the native teachings about pelicans–renewed buoyancy. “Being able to be buoyant and rest on top in spite of the heaviness of life circumstances. The pelican teaches that no matter how difficult life becomes, no matter how much you plunge, you can pop to the surface,” writes Ted Andrews in his book, Animal Speak.

Well…unless you miscalculate your next move and get yourself stuck…deadly stuck… like my poor friend did.

This strange occurrence, along with the traditional meaning, spoke to me quite deeply.

I pondered the teaching all day, especially the feeling of giving up and feeling heartbroken that I couldn’t free this magnificent bird from the entrapment of mud. Eventually the application became obvious.

No matter how much we want to help a friend or loved one who is trapped in their misery, sometimes we have to let go. We are powerless to change another’s situation, powerless to free them from their stuckness. We can be supportive, can pray for them and offer to help, but ultimately their freedom comes from their own willingness to dive into clarity and love and let the lightness of their being lift them up. We are powerless to save them from themselves.

Such grief and sadness comes with the realization that letting go is the only choice, the only thing left to do.

What a feeling of powerlessness….yet what a beautiful point of surrender. And for that lesson I am deeply grateful.

Rest in peace my friend.