Stanley and Gracie teach me about relaxing into the present moment
When we are really supposed to learn something it seems as if it continues to come up over and over in our daily lives. Have you ever noticed that? Themes that pop up so often you can’t ignore them?
Of late the idea of living in the present moment has been bombarding me from every direction. My meditations are filled with this encouragement. While I am in nature or performing everyday tasks like folding clothes, cleaning the cat box or washing dishes, I feel an inner nudge to stay anchored in the here and now.
Azaleas
This way of living doesn’t mean we neglect the ‘future’ by being irresponsible; far from that, it really helps us embrace the fullness of each day without getting stuck in worry and anxiety. We are then able to create a clear path for the future as we sweep away that which keeps us tied to the past.
It could be, at first glance, viewed as a cliche. But be assured there is absolutely nothing trite or cliche about it. In fact, being fully present is one of the deepest spiritual practices I have ever experienced. And it takes a lot of practice. But I finally feel the joy of choosing to be present with whatever is happening. Even if it’s deep emotional pain…choosing to stay with it, to breathe through it, I find the way to the other side of it.
Sunset over Gulf of Mexico at Fort Morgan Beach
Without hesitation I admit that nature is what most calls me to be present. Beyond seeing flowers, the Gulf, wildlife superficially, I look deeper and connect with my breath. Stopping to smell the azaleas, I inhale their sweetness and take in the pink color and exhaling I feel gratitude. Gazing out over the Gulf of Mexico I inhale the beauty of light dancing on the surface, blue-green color, pelicans diving, fish splashing….and I exhale gratitude.
This simple practice helps me stay in this beautiful present. I long to see past appearances and connect to the essence of life that constantly surrounds me. Life is only found in the moment. It is right here. When we are focused on the past or future we actually miss living our lives.
Two days of passively observing brown pelicans at very close proximity helped me get through Basic Orientation: Animal Life 101.
The conclusions I’ve drawn thus far? Silent observation and attention to detail give the best learning experiences. Staying in beginner’s mind is the clue.
Shoshin is a concept in Zen Buddhism meaning “beginner’s mind”. It refers to having an attitude of openness, eagerness, and lack of preconceptions when studying a subject, even if studying at an advanced level. Learning from animals necessitates using the quality of curious mind. Be quiet and observe.
Teacher number five
Two experiences during my first ‘classes’ left me completely baffled. One happened at the end of each day’s observations and with each one, I was confronted with very aggressive energy from males. One was middle school age and the other an adult.
Class One: The pelicans had just settled down to nap and had been sunning after a particularly cold night. I was tucked in a corner of the pier with them, sunning on a bench. A group of four kids walked up and one drew his fishing rod like a sword and started trying to hit the dozing birds. It was calm and peaceful one moment and the next erupted into chaotic, mean-spirited energy.
Class Two: I was sitting with the pelicans in the same place–a corner tucked around from a fish-cleaning station. The birds were active in preening, perching, communicating with each other and yes, some were very interested in what the guy was doing with his dead fish. Suddenly a blast of cold water shot out and around the corner, splashing me and soaking the pelicans. But it didn’t stop. It kept coming and blasting the birds in their faces in their corner. They had little opportunity to leave.
I was just trying to catch a nap and then some human started spraying me with cold water
It stopped so I just let it go. Then it started again and this time after it quit I peeked around the corner and asked the guy to please stop spraying so far around the corner as I was getting wet…but more importantly, my camera was getting wet.
He kept spraying and finally blasted a bird perched on the rail for probably 30 seconds in the face and the bird could do nothing but sit there and take it. I yelled at this point: STOP IT!
He finished cleaning his fish and then came around the corner and cursed me for being on the pier. Told me I had no business taking photographs of the birds. That I had no right to stand up for myself or the birds because they shit all over the deck.
I attempted to explain I paid the fee to walk on the pier like he did…it didn’t matter. I also reminded him that I wasn’t feeding the birds and I had seen him toss fish remnants overboard where pelicans promptly flew for their meal. He blasted me with hate and words as he had done the pelicans with yelling and blasts of water.
Teacher number three
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?! I wanted to scream. But finally I just looked at him like he had lost his mind and didn’t say anything. And I continued to breathe and stay as focused as possible.
Advanced teacher
Today while SUP boarding I thought back to the encounters and pondered the entire lesson the pelicans were teaching me. What I resonated to so perfectly was the simple beauty of every movement, the peaceful quiet of the pelican world. I smiled at their squabbles over gifted fish and enjoyed the soft passes of their wings on my legs or hands as they opened them to fly off or argue over a fish. I haven’t felt that much peace in weeks and it was from letting go of thinking and just being and observing with an open mind.
If I look at the encounters with the two aggressive males from the point of view of a pelican, I notice two things. First, pelicans really don’t take it personally when humans are sometimes mean, abusive, and hateful. Second, they pop their bills a couple times at the offending party and forget about it.
Perhaps I just need to observe behavior that is abusive and angry and mean-spirited and not form judgments. Just notice it and carry on. But it is challenging when it is directed at innocent beings who are doing nothing but showing up for free food. It’s difficult to know how to balance observing passively and taking action.
Spread your wings, let it go
How does anger, aggressive behavior and meanness affect me…from the perspective of beginners mind? Really it doesn’t if I don’t take it personally. If I can simply observe and not take that aggression or anger inside of me, it has no affect at all. I can advocate for those who need protection but I don’t have to take the insanity of the offender personally. That would be rather silly.
Perhaps I passed the exam from my first official class. The bonus question? How does a pelican deal with humans who adore them and cherish them? Observe, breathe, go back to preening in the sun.
The past two days have been a crash course in how to be a pelican. I’ve learned how to preen using the oil gland at my tail to waterproof my feathers. I’ve noticed that I must pay careful attention to oiling and smoothing my many long feathers.
Popping my bill can be used as an aggressive kind of communication, to let others know I’m unhappy with their behavior and as a demonstration of contentment just before settling in for a little nap.
Down the hatch…head first please!
Fish have to be swallowed head first. If a fish is too big to eat I’ll show my displeasure by stepping on the head of said fish as I plop across the pier deck. If a fish gets stuck in my pouch I stretch my neck down and then up and shake my head. And I might have to do this while running from greedy pelicans who want to steal my treasured handout.
Sunning after dining
Nothing is more relaxing and pleasurable than snoozing in the sun, on a chilly, windy day, after my belly is full.
Check out my awesome diving eyelid…
I have more than one set of eyelids and its fun to freak humans out by closing my diving eyelid.
Shit is not particularly offensive to me, especially pelican poop-shit but I really don’t like human shit like plastic and garbage, monofilament line and fish hooks carelessly left on the pier and beach.
Grooming
As a pelican initiate, the past two days have taught me that some humans are kind and gentle, while others are aggressive and mean-spirited to my kind and get upset when we congregate in places where they feed us. Imagine that….angry at our poopy mess when they feed us the left-overs from their fish-cleaning. That seems crazy but unfortunately fits human unpredictability. Illogical beings, these humans.
My life as a pelican….
Over the past two days in pelican training I mostly learned to be present, in the moment. What happened before is irrelevant, what happens tomorrow not worth the worry…but now. NOW! This is the moment where joy and peace exists.
I spent this chilly Gulf Coast morning and early afternoon at the beach. It was so amazingly beautiful. Clear water, clear skies with only one little issue….41 degrees when I arrived. But who cares?
Clyde Butcher is a sort of hero of mine. He began his photography career in answer to the death of his son. He poured his grief into capturing beautiful images, uniquely produced. His wife was a partner in his efforts and they created a most wondrous legacy of environmental stewardship.
Peek-a-boo!
After spending a couple hours walking at a beach in the National Seashore and then a couple hours sunning with friendly pelicans, I realized the best way to move forward in my life is to immerse myself in beauty. I’ve known this but today was an affirmation of this idea that has been brewing since the new year arrived. Clyde and his wife’s work inspires me and encourages me to fully commit to this work I feel called to.
Adult Brown Pelican
Celebrating life, embracing beauty found in nature….I believe anything could be healed through connecting with wild places and wild creatures. I am so grateful for this reminder.
Fullness of spirit, laughter and the teaching of sunning meditation is what my pelican friends taught me. I semi-dozed and shot photographs of pelicans that were within arms reach. Bliss. Pure and simple….BLISS!
Juvenile Brown Pelican
Until the middle school juvenile delinquent picked up his fishing rod and tried to hit the seven or so pelicans surrounding me….I made it clear he was acting inappropriately to him and the guys working on the pier. I found it very difficult to be soft spoken or touchy-feely. Quite honestly, abusing innocent animals pisses me off.
I stomped off the pier mumbling under my breath but it was okay because I needed to eat….but when I got home, eating had to wait until I uploaded the 1400 photos I took today…and by then it was dinner time.
My sunning meditation buddy
Renewal, refocused intention and sunny energy fill me even with the jerky punk who thinks being cruel to animals is cool. Next time I hope a pelican poops on abusive kids heads. Now that would be something to photograph!
I was standing at Lulu’s Homeport in Gulf Shores, Alabama, listening to a band play a traditional Mardi Gras tune and felt a subtle, inner shift. A small glimmer of something started to awaken within me and it made me smile.
When embarking on a course of action it’s not necessarily easy because you (finally) found your path–your direction. When I answered an inner call to document the Gulf Oil Spill in my home state, I never imagined the emotional wreckage that would occur within me. I remember days before the oil began washing up on the Alabama beaches fervently trying to photograph as much of the Gulf beaches and marshes as possibly and while doing so sobbing, sometimes uncontrollably. Then when it began coming ashore and coating animals, beaches and filling the air with toxic fumes I was in a state of near exhaustion from anger, sadness, grief and the physical challenge of exposure to the toxic soup in the water and air.
It changed me. I remember going back to my mountain home for a few weeks each month and finding it very difficult to connect with anything pleasurable. I was numb from what I was seeing. Traumatized. And in some sort of cosmic disbelief that humans could destroy our planet…not just by an oil spill…but by endless sins committed against this beautiful planet and its inhabitants. Nothing touched me. Beauty was painful to see. Yet I couldn’t look away from the environmental destruction because finally I felt I was doing my legacy work.
Sometimes the cost of that commitment is high.
There was healing during the many weeks spent along the coast. Realizations, moments of inspiration but it was a week spent with Joanna Macy, in a Work That Reconnects workshop that truly helped me understand and process what I had been going through. And healing continues since my move back to the Gulf Coast.
Yes, I enjoy SUP boarding and walking the beaches and diving in the Caribbean. I’m not walking around in a constant state of gloom and doom. Yet finding a space for personal pleasure….just the inkling of fun for no particular reason…has continued to be challenging for me. The burden of our planet’s plight is heavy.
But yesterday, while riding my sea turtle volunteer team’s float in the Gulf Shores Mardi Gras parade and hanging out at Lulu’s with my friend and her family provided a little spark of fun for the sake of fun….with the intention of fun. Imagine that.
Gratitude for a day of fun runs deep within me. It helps to balance the deep grief that fuels my work to share the beauty of our planet…in the hope that people will realize the beauty of Earth and will do everything they can to help heal it. And heal the human relationship to it…and each other.
