Tag: Fear
Engaging in Transformation

Engaging in Transformation

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We are shifting. Consciousness is evolving. We are witnessing the breakdown of the old way of fear so that we can live from our hearts. Those that are wanting to amass more power and wealth are doing everything they can to create more for themselves. What they don’t realize is that the chaos they are creating is causing a massive awakening. And it’s scary.

Transforming the self takes hard work and the level of transformation we are going through is deep and powerful. Fears arise. Deeply rooted fears arise. The scariest things we’ve ever imagined began to stand beside us as we tremble. And yet, the way through this time is to dive deep into the shadows within ourselves, for in those shadows are found our most incredible gifts. Our inner treasures are hidden in those dark shadows. The question is, who is willing to journey there?

It comes in waves for me and I was doing pretty good by staying off social media (I don’t watch the news). Then there was a fire near my home…a big one…and I used social media to stay informed. Then I got back in the habit of scrolling. And this evening, I got triggered. 

You see, I work on a federal grant. The government does not fund the grant, though. Nursing homes that are fined for violations fund this grant and many others. Last week all applications for new grants funded thusly were frozen as well as extensions on current grants…which we were about to apply for. This program is funded by nursing homes for nursing home residents, to improve their quality of life. So, not a waste of money or funded by the federal government. It’s one of those programs that support our elders who are suffering in their later years. 

The post that triggered me listed more agencies and programs that are being gutted…service programs for the less fortunate. And fear arose.

So, I went outside and stood on the ground with bare feet and placed my hands on the bare earth and felt my feelings. And breathed. And asked for help.

My life has been about service…state park naturalist, mental health counselor, massage therapist, nature photographer and writer. And now, project coordinator for a nursing home grant. I’ve volunteered to help sea turtles, dolphins, manatees…have worked with children in environmental education and with children and adults as a fly fishing guide volunteer. I’ve picked up litter on beaches and along roads, and currently volunteer with the national park nearby. Most of the books I’ve created and published I’ve shared profits with environmental groups. It hasn’t been about amassing a fortune. It has and will always be about wanting to help others…people, animals, places.

My life has been focused on empathy. Something the current administration says is a weakness, a flaw. If this is so, I am horribly and magnificently flawed.

As I knelt under the new moon, I spoke out loud about my gifts and talents and my desire to serve and help in the massive awakening occurring on our beloved planet. I don’t know if my job will continue or if tomorrow, I’ll be without income. But I do know I came here to serve and share beauty, kindness, and compassion. And I will continue doing that, no matter what.

I’m engaging deeply in my own transformation and I’m here to help others who wish to engage with theirs. Reach out. You are not alone.
Through the Storm

Through the Storm

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We might have made light of the small ‘bald’

We just finished lunch in Silers Bald, a bald on the Appalachian Trail so small two of us couldn’t sit there as we rested from our 5 ½ mile hike from Clingmans Dome parking area. We were donning our packs to head back and heard thunder rumbling in the distance. As we got to an opening in the trees, we could see the storm in all of its purple-black cloud intensity. Nothing to do but keeping walking back toward Clingmans and the vehicle.

There is a backstory to my respect of lightning. As a kid, I had a phobia of it and remember freaking out as a three or four year old because it was lightning. My dad told me I was safe because we were inside, but I reasoned there was a metal zipper on my pants and that made me a target. I was no dummy. Hello! Metal-Lightning! He talked me through it and helped me calm down. 

Later in life, I had several very unpleasant encounters with lightning. Once I ignored my grandfather’s advice to wait to launch the boat because of an approaching storm and got caught in a thunderstorm from hell with pink zig-zags popping everywhere and the shelter I had, when I pulled off the river and ran for shore, was as dangerous as the boat since the long leaf pine tree was towering high in the sky. I ended up running across a swampy area to a home under construction to shelter there. I tried to out-scream the storm. It didn’t work. My grandfather knew I’d stop at his sister’s locked-up cabin and came to rescue me.

I was driving to my grandparent’s home as a teenager and lightning hit a tree beside the road that exploded. I was angry that day, but cannot remember why. What teenager isn’t angry about something? That tree exploding helped calm my anger.

Once I was on a phone call (it was a land line) with a realtor at my grandparent’s home. I knew the home wasn’t for me but kept trying to push the deal through. Lightning hit and tingled my hand and knocked the receiver out of my hand. It melted my grandparent’s neighbor’s phone to her bedside table. 

There was the time on a dive boat when the captain decided to head to the dive site through a storm. Another pink lighting experience in an open air, pontoon boat this time. My two dive students were terrified. I looked back and told them, “If it hits us, we’ll never even know it.”  I was trying to be funny, to ease their tension. It didn’t comfort them. And it did clear up and we had an amazing dive.

So, lightning and I have a past. 

Whenever I’m caught in a storm, I reflect on my intense yet close relationship with lightning. I’m not overly fond of calling lightning a close friend, but it seems to want to be an ally. I’m a little stand-offish though.

Yesterday, as we were hiking back up the trail, the storm grew closer. You cannot hurry up a trail like this with an elevation gain of over 2000 feet, most of it on the way out. We were hiking up the ridge. As the storm intensified and rain began pouring, we came to several open areas where the highest objects were turk’s cap lilies and briars….and then us. Not ideal.

We reviewed safety protocol: if we started to feel the static or electric tingle, throw our hiking poles away and crouch into a ball; we spaced ourselves out while crossing the open areas to create smaller objects; and yes, I admit I crouched down, lowering myself below the overgrowth on the trail. What else can you do?

Heavy rain made small rivers of the trail

There was thunder directly overhead. Thunder means lightning…I get that. All too well. We’d stop under cover of forest which we figured was a bit safer than the open areas. Before we put on the rain gear, we were completely soaked…which cooled us down and kept us from overheating, but we were soggy with water filling our boots as it cascaded down our legs.

At one point, we were catching our breath on a steep slope. I stopped and turned to my friend and said, “Let me tell you my story related to lightning.” I shared my phobia of lightning as a child and said I wanted to honor my inner child’s strength for over-coming her fear and healing from it. It was a powerful moment to share my truth and have a friend witness it. And hear me. 

I was anxious hiking out in the storm, but I also felt a deep sense of calm. We had to work hard, slogging through rivers of water flowing down the trail. But both of us are deeply reverent of Nature and the power of it. We openly acknowledged our smallness as we hiked through the storm and the Oneness of all life. 

By the time we reached the summit of Clingmans, the storm had passed and masses of people were walking up the paved trail to the starship dome. They were dry and looked fresh while we were completely soaked, perhaps reflecting a bit of the journey we experienced through the storm.
Turn to Oneness

Turn to Oneness

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Therefore turn your attention to the Oneness–the relationship between you and your Self–and away from fear. When you do this you create new ground upon which to build your life. Observe the fear but connect with the Oneness. This then creates a new reality from which to build your life.

Fear creates separation…between you and your Soul self, between you and others. Fear is the great divider.

When you feel fear arise imagine your Soul self standing beside you. Together observe the fear and work to see the fear as something that is not a part of you. It has been circulating in your energy field but it isn’t you.

Our tendency is to run from fear…to keep moving so perhaps we don’t have to look at it in the face. But once we have the courage and support to stop…to p a u s e….and look at it, we come to see and understand it is not who we are nor is it a part of us. It’s simply floating around in our quantum field and the more power we give it, the more it steers our lives.

At first, pausing to look at fear takes a lot of focus and concentration because it is so interwoven into our story, into who we think we are, we cannot discern the voice of fear from the voice of freedom, our Soul self. With practice we come to understand that the voice of fear has few positive things to say to us while the Soul voice speaks in amazing unfoldments of truth…synchronicities, dolphins leaping up at just the right moment, a friend stopping by to visit and helping you piece together a mystery of growth, an email that answers the question you held…small little everyday miracles that are always present if we simple stop and pay attention.

Once we learn to discern the voice of fear from the voice of the Soul self it becomes crystal clear who is speaking. The more choices we make to listen to the Soul self voice, the more relaxed we become, the less we run from life.

Stillness, breathing, compassion for self…all vital keys to this process. When we become the observer rather than the reactor, fear doesn’t know what to do. It is used to controlling us but when we turn the tables on it, it’s like deflating an over-filled balloon. It sits there, head down, going…where did I go wrong? I had her so wrapped up in this fake story of her life.

My friend Rose Bator reminds us that our body and soul have all the intelligence and we can simply cooperate and observe. The changes become a natural, organic flow from our willingness to cooperate and observe the process. She says to allow fear to wash over like waves at the ocean. We don’t have to grab a wave or try to figure out where it originated. We just observe. Allow.

Becoming an observer of fear rather than a victim to it is like slipping between worlds. Most of the 3D world operates in fear. Political systems are motivated in fear, religions seem quite at home with the leverage fear provides, society thrives by fear–conform to our group or be outcast, buy our expensive gadgets and clothes so you will be cool like the others.

I saw a funny quote recently that was about FaceBook so I altered it to apply to life in general: Being a celebrity or ultra-popular in this insane society is like being at the cool table of the mental hospital. When we heal our lives and stop allowing fear to steer us we step out of the world we know into something new and different…and honestly, quite amazing.

A daily practice for me lately has been observing fear. When it arises I pause, connect with my Soul self (higher self, guide, inner teacher, God….whatever works for you) and sit as an observer, not reacting, not spinning off into all the what-if’s and staying present…very present…with my Self. It has changed my life.

We are taught from infancy to fear–as if fear will keep us safe. Fear pushes us away from our true self and we come to rely on fear as our touchstone rather than trusting our true self to lead us safely through life. We grow up in a constant state of struggle between being who we really are and being true to that or betraying ourselves to fit into this messed up false reality based on fear.

The more we deny our true self the more we buy into the fear-based method of survival. Eventually we cannot even see our true self until something happens to break us open and then we are given the opportunity to see the fear for what it is, an unreal experience of something that feels real, or we pause and look it in the ‘eye’ with the support of our true self and call bullshit.

When I experience Nature deeply, I connect with my true self. I remember the first time I returned from cave diving in the Yucatan. The jungles and magnificent, clear-water caves with massive formations took me so deep into my Soul self that I was transformed and in perfect alignment with who I really was. Then I returned home and walked into a Target store and nearly had a panic attack. I felt myself want to use my tiger sharp teeth and claws to gnaw my way out of the trap of a world that I no longer wanted to belong to…the world of greed and ‘more’ and fear.

As we practice breathing with our Higher Self and seeing it as part of us, strength arises and we begin to feel empowered. When we begin to see our True self as a friend and regard It with unconditional, positive appreciation we build this strength. Breathe in the Oneness of relationship with our Soul self. Every day but especially when fear arises. When we do this we become a force instead of a runner.

I suggest a new path away from fear and into the truth of who we are. No dogma, no rules, no pleasing anyone, no paying anyone for the secret formula. You have it now. The mystery has been revealed. Now, it’s in your hands to do with as you see fit.

Painting by Donna O’Neal
Fear…The Thief of Life

Fear…The Thief of Life

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I watched a YouTube video a guy created when he sailed across the North Sea solo during the winter. Crossing the North Sea Singlehanded is the title. It wasn’t across the entire North Sea…I think from Norway to the Shetland Islands, roughly 200 nautical miles…but still. Solo. Sixteen hour nights. Six meter waves….that’s like 18 foot waves. Snowing, sleeting, gale-force winds. I love the ocean but could barely watch it. I kept saying, what the heck was he thinking?

People have asked that same question about me….cave diving, traveling solo in England and Ireland, in Bonaire….leaving the ‘everyday grind’ to follow my heart’s calling. I understand what it feels like to have people question my sanity….just like I questioned the sanity of the guy sailing in insane conditions. Honestly, I was more afraid sitting on my sofa watching the North Sea video that I was during my adventures… except for my start in cave diving.

I think back to times when I had to choose between letting fear keep me stuck or taking the leap of faith into the vast Unknown. I believe the most powerful leaps in our lives always include an unknown aspect. We cannot know how a decision will truly affect us or the repercussions that will happen. It wouldn’t require anything of us if it was all the details were known. It wouldn’t produce growth or help us increase our strength and trust in ourselves. But I know this with all my heart: if we feel called to do something strongly and we gets signs–as in coincidences, synchronicities, etc–we are on the right track. I think the greatest tragedy is when we allow fear to keep us stuck and ignore those little breadcrumbs affirming the path that leads us to greater freedom and joy.

Cave diving….I was a diver already and wondered what could possibly be so great about being underwater in a cave. I was scared the first time I entered an underwater cave with my cave instructor friend. No doubt at all. My eyes were big, I could hardly breathe from getting caught in the high flow of water rushing out of the cave…I could share more ugly details…. but I persisted, even when I was scared. And I learned to trust my intuition completely while cave diving.

For instance, once my dive partner and I were entering a side passageway in Peacock Springs. We had tied a jump reel and everything was fine yet I began to feel really anxious. The hair on the back of my neck stood up and my breathing rate increased. I signaled to my partner that I needed to return to the main line. As soon as I got to it, I was completely okay. I couldn’t’ explain my anxiety but I listened and by doing so learned to trust myself.

Cave diving has taught me the most important lesson in my life: PAY ATTENTION.

Fear is a natural response to change. The way to differentiate between fear that is normal and fear that is paralyzing is to pay attention to how the body responds…at least that works for me.

I know that fear can keep us stuck, keep us from taking the leap into something wonderful. I know this because I have experienced it. But I have also made the leap, many times, and every time….when I really felt something strongly calling me…it has been amazing.

Sailing across the North Sea in winter is not on my to-do list but there are other adventures yet to come…I feel them calling. I’m ready to leap. What is calling you? Don’t let fear keep you from your dreams….don’t let it steal your life.
Lesson from a Drop of Water

Lesson from a Drop of Water

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simonelipscomb (3)Imagine a drop of water clinging to a leaf over a still river. It desperately holds on to what is familiar because the Unknown is vast. What if the drop loses what it knows as itself in the huge expanse of water? What will happen to it?

simonelipscomb (2)Alas, the fight to hold on becomes more difficult than facing the fear of letting go. So slowly, ever so slowly, gravity works its magic and the droplet lets go.

The droplet feels the rush of cool air as it speeds to the surface but there’s nothing to do now except allow…be open, inviting.

simonelipscomb (4)The first touch of the river sends vibrations of knowing throughout the droplet. Instead of losing itself, its identity, it becomes the river, the bay, the Gulf…the Ocean.

simonelipscomb (8)When we allow ourselves to let go and be immersed in the Vast Expanse we call…God, Spirit, Source, Great Spirit, the Tao….we become who we are. There is no need to search, just a need to let go and allow.