Tag: Eco-Spirituality
What is Your Message to the Earth?

What is Your Message to the Earth?

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I love to walk at a very beautiful place in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I go there regularly and have started picking up trash there because the first mile of trail is used by tubers on the creek and they are really being litter bugs this year. It’s been horrible to see the trash they leave behind.

Yesterday I picked up five bags of litter in that mile and today I thought there wouldn’t be as much. There wasn’t until I got to a popular viewing area. There I found a mound of trash…but it was from someone taking it out of the creek. And they had other piles created from their efforts along the creek.

While I was so happy that others are taking an interest in keeping our beautiful creek/trail clean, I wondered if humans would ever wake up. Can they not see the beauty they are trashing? And it led to this question: What is your message to the Earth? What do your actions say? And I put it to a favorite song in this little video.
Forgetting the Script

Forgetting the Script

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In a dream: I was the director of a Harry Potter play being presented in the old Baptist church where I grew up. Everyone was asked to bring their talent into the production and I was to write the script. I did write it but when I got to the presentation I had forgotten it and worse still, I couldn’t remember any of it…the theme, the general idea of what was happening…I had absolutely no clue of what to say or do. But everyone else had used their creativity to design two amazing, small sets that were colorful and delightful. At first the crowd was small but it grew to be a large gathering, all waiting to see the play. I kept asking others what the play was about, what were my lines even though I had written the script. The good news…it was a success even though I had forgotten everything I had written. Each person, bringing their own talents and simply going with the flow of the production, made it amazing. 

This dream really captured my attention and mirrored my frustration at wondering what I’m doing to make a difference on the planet, what I’m doing with my talents and skills. Sometimes it seems I’m walking a continual trust walk through dark woods in hope that the guidance is true. Anxious, sometimes fearful, but letting go of control and allowing my life to unfold into the highest expression of love I can offer is the only thing I know to do.

Today, as I was walking in the woods, I thought about the journey of the soul through incarnation. What if we have a glimpse into the life we are about to be born into and have goals of what we want to do with our life and then, as we come into physical form, gradually forget. And what if that’s intentional, the forgetting, so we learn to trust and not operate from ego but come from a place of soul expression–unattached to outcome, willing to trust our trajectory.

We get little cookie crumbs that guide us from one place to the next if we pay attention. Many times the crumbs come in the way of everyday challenges that seem much bigger than they ‘should.’ For instance, the recent influx of tourists, thus many fly fishers, have made my usual fishing creek seem crowded and overrun and over-fished so I began looking for other locations to fish. In doing this fears arose that made no sense. The fears seemed so much bigger than the experience. When that happens I know there is a much bigger issue that wants healing.

As I explored this issue of changing fishing locations, I found myself always going back to the one I was comfortable with instead of going to a new one. The night before I would feel anxious about a new spot. As I explored this through meditation I saw an image of fear  represented as sticks given to us at birth. Society teaches fear as a control mechanism and teaches us how to beat ourselves into submission. I saw how fear has been used by me to contain myself, to keep me from moving forward in life. This isn’t the fear that keeps me safe, to warn me of real dangers; this fear is a way of thinking and behaving that is so deeply rooted I am not aware of it. 

When we begin to consciously walk a spiritual Path, many times our lives fall apart and continue to do so. When we ask to grow and heal, opportunities arise that invite us to do just that and rarely is it all white light and warm fuzzy feelings. That happens and is amazing; however, usually it’s really hard work to excavate the true self. There’s a lot of conditioning and programming we have to clear.

Throughout my life I have used outdoor experiences to help heal my life. Usually they bring up fear and then I work with the emotions that arise to heal old wounds. Everybody has their own formula. Mine happens to be partnership with Nature. The following poem came from this recent experience of changing fishing locations…okay, from excavating old fears.

I

The place I love to fly fish is too crowded

Now with summer tourists and trout lust.

Other nearby creeks are better options

But I find myself paralyzed by fear to make

A change. What the hell?

II

They gave me sticks at birth, like they do us all;

Beat yourselves with fear—their control method.

And now, changing creeks and rocks and familiar trees

Seems too scary. Can I really cast my fly line in these

New waters?

III

Whirling, twirling like a dervish I dance

The sticks of fear from my bones

And burn them in the fire of purification

Opening the way for new life born

From ashes of the old.

IV

Light dancing on new waters,

Green and yellow glow in early morning

As I cast my line and release the old

Fears that kept me stuck and small.

Freedom to fly.

V

It isn’t the water or rocks, they are my 

Allies. It isn’t the trout, they are my 

Teachers. The act of expanding helps me

See the fear as the manipulation it was…

To keep me small.

VI

Dropping into the flow I feel boundaries

Disappear. Ashes from the stick burning

Stirs as fear tries again but this time I

See it for the monster it is and call it out:

Oh, sinister demon.

VII

All the drama, all the effort to keep me

Small? I must be immensely threatening to

Status quo. The deprograming is going well.

New creeks receive my line and trout are

Nodding their approval.

Perhaps the greatest fear I’ve discovered is the one my dream revealed this morning. What if I’m not doing what I came here to do? What if I’m not helping the planet? What if I’m failing?

Yet the dream also revealed that it is in letting go of the script and surrendering to the process of life that yields true beauty. And this is backed up by a recent meditation.

In the meditation I heard that the foundation of all fear is expanding into our true self and releasing the ego’s need for control. When we do this, we let go of everything familiar and step into the Unknown. The ego is all about control while the Soul Self carries the unlimited potential of The Universe where everything is possible.

Diving into the Unknown is the Spiritual Warrior’s Empty-Handed-Leap-into-the-Void. There are two cliffs and in between them is the Unknown. Can I let go of the familiar place of ego—the script—and reach for the other cliff, the place where my Soul Self has unlimited connection to Source? That’s the question we all face. Over and over again.
Wisdom of the Rock

Wisdom of the Rock

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Frustrated to not be attracting any attention from the Trout Magi I decided to switch from nymphs to a dry fly. This is like going from playing with fingerpaints to using oil paints. In the narrow creeks where I wade and fish, there’s not a lot of room for casting and 90% of the time trout don’t go after dry flies but today I had room to cast and figured why not get some practice. 

The casting steadily improved and I was landing the fly right under an overhanging tree branch in the sweet spot. I congratulated myself and on the very next cast my fly caught the tip of the rod and did several backflips around it. I’m quickly learning that ego and fly fishing cannot co-exist. But that wasn’t the real lesson of today’s wading. The real lesson came from a rock in the middle of the creek where I sat and requested wisdom be shared. That’s the real story here.

Yesterday I wrote about fly fishing being the perfect mirror for my life. It dealt with the frustration I have about my life’s work finding traction in the world. This morning I awoke to an amazing dream.

Here’s the dream: I was completing a training curriculum and there was an exam that was a test of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual strength. In preparation for the exam, later that day, I decided to run through all the tests. One was climbing a high bridge that had very narrow ladder rungs. I could look through and see the water far below and had to stop a couple times to regroup because it was very scary; eventually, I was able to move forward and complete the climb. There was a new class coming into the school so our group was finishing and we were advising the new students.

I awoke feeling very moved by the dream and inspired to continue allowing fly fishing to teach me.

Once again I went to my favorite creek and enjoyed the mists hugging the water, the varied shades of summer green and the crystal-clear water rushing over beautiful rocks. I waded a couple of hours and cast using underwater flies but eventually felt a desire to just sit and listen. So much had been revealed yesterday, I wanted to be still and quiet and stop thinking.

I saw a big, moss-free rock in the center of the creek and waded to it. I gently sat down and said aloud, Please share your wisdom with me. I’m really wanting to learn about my life. And so I sat. My feet were on the pebbled bottom, I held my rod—hook stowed—and relaxed. The sound of rushing water was music as was bird song. It took a while but I finally got quiet inside my mind and heard, Stop looking for trout. Hmmm. I’m fishing. Isn’t that what one does when fishing for trout? Look for them?  So I asked for clarification. The reply was the same: Stop looking for trout.

I sat in stillness and allowed the mantra to work within me…Stop looking for trout. Stop looking for trout. Stop looking for trout.

A memory surfaced from fifteen years ago when I lived in Asheville and heard guidance to go into Nature every day when I repeatedly asked what I was to do with my life. I was like…What? I’m in Nature every day already. But that message repeated and has repeated often in the following years. Today, as I sat on the Wisdom Rock, I heard, When you come into Nature you always have an agenda…take photographs, fish, hike to a certain place. When I say Stop Looking for Trout I mean to stop coming into Our presence with your agenda. There are so many layers of wisdom awaiting discovery if humans would simply be still and be quiet and await the inspiration.

Of course that is true. I feel the need to do or produce to help others connect with the amazing beauty and Oneness. And that’s great but it leaves little room for deeper wisdom to be revealed if I would just be quiet. Take the camera but stop and sit a while and be quiet inside and listen to the music of the rocks and trees and water. Take the fly rod but take time to just stop and rest and let go of all agendas. Allow the real gifts to surface in that stillness.

As I contemplated this ‘exchange’ between the rock and me, it felt like a doorway opening into the bottom of the creek that would reveal many mysteries of Nature. And that’s when, after half an hour or so, I decided to finish the morning by switching to a dry fly and casting big. And it was going great until I congratulated myself on the almost amazing casts. But it didn’t matter. Two days in a row I found myself untangling a major mess after feeling like I was making major casting progress. Fly fishing is a sport that teaches humility.

Immediately after I climbed the bank to head down the trail, I heard loud rock music…not like the rock music I had been listening to…but like heavy metal…way up here on the trail. And then a young guy and his dog materialized and he turned the music off. As we passed he asked if I’d caught anything. I wanted to say how much I had learned from Wisdom Rock and that I received really solid guidance but instead I said, Nope…but it’s a glorious day.

Society expects us to catch a fish if we are fishing and if we don’t we are failures. That’s certainly the message I tell myself from old societal programming. But what if success wasn’t measured by how many fish we land, but how much wisdom we accumulated on the wade up the creek. Wouldn’t that be something.

As I walked down the trail, I came upon a dragonfly that appeared to be dancing on the surface of a small stream…dipping her tail over and over again in a bouncing dance. It was so amazing to observe her and see one of the mysteries of the creek revealed. Trout will feed on the larvae but many will survive to become dragonflies. How amazing is that?!?

The first cast this morning at the magic pool ended with me hooking myself in the upper arm in a location I couldn’t reach without taking off my vest and squirming a bit. I think it was a reminder that this journey is all about learning more about myself…each of us is on that journey in our own way. All the answers are already within us. We simply have to be still and listen or in my case, sit on a rock in the middle of a creek.

——

And to add to the incredible teachings coming from Nature through fly fishing, I found another large, black feather. This black feather journey started when I began yoga teacher training and recently has amped up so much that I ask every black bird I see to share its teaching and of course thank it. I even had a recently-fledged juvenile crow hop in front of me a few weeks ago after I caught a big trout. That was the same day a white-tailed doe watched me land that trout. I have entered the realm of Nature Magic. And it’s a very special place in which to find myself.

NOTE: According to Ted Andrews, Nature Speak, crow symbolizes the secret magic of creation. Crow is the smartest of birds, has a complex language. Working with crows, according to Andrews, can help people see how the winds are going to blow in life and how to adjust our flights. His grandfather told him crows are symbolic of luck. Magic is the Medicine of crows. “They are symbols of creation and spiritual strength. They remind us to look for opportunities to create and manifest the magic of life and they are messengers calling to us about the creation and magic that is alive within our world everyday and available to us.

And dragonflies….the eggs eventually develop into a nymph and remain in the nymph form for almost two years before transforming into an adult dragonfly. Andrews wrote that their realm is the realm of light…spending time outside near fresh water will be beneficial…(no kidding). The dragonfly reminds us that change is coming and that we are light and can reflect light in powerful ways. It helps us cut through illusions and allows our own light to shine brightly. “Dragonfly brings the brightness of transformation and the wonder of a colorful new vision.”
The Perfect Mirror

The Perfect Mirror

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It was one of those days. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to do. The weather was like that, too. It rained overnight and was supposed to rain more but then radar showed showers staying west of us. Rain? No rain? Walk? Fly fish? Yoga? I felt antsy and unsettled after putting out mulch early this morning. 

Yoga finally happened mid-day and it was a nice practice. So…fishing? All day long I wanted to go but was not sure where I wanted to go and if I wanted to use waders or wet wade? After getting irritated with my indecision, I got my gear together, put on shorts to wear under waders and headed to my favorite creek.

The humidity was very high from the overnight rain and it was quite warm. Since the water is cold, there was a beautiful fog hovering over the surface of the water. Walking into the water was like putting on a mantle of mist and entering another realm.

The fish were there and very smart and I wished more than once I was just wading in the creek without the rod, reel and vest. I found myself aggravated but couldn’t really blame the fish since I’d felt that way all day. I felt frustrated that I wasn’t able to do anything but scare the fish (I actually had a trout zoom out from underneath my boot as I was wading). 

The beauty kept pulling me back to myself and out of my head. But my mind kept chattering. I was doing something I love with such passion and it felt as if I was failing miserably because I wasn’t catching fish. Finally, I interrupted the negative thoughts as I sensed a familiar story being mirrored to me. It felt just like the frustration of doing the work I feel called to do and am so passionate about and it not producing a livable income. This has been an issue now for many years and one that grows more troublesome and worrying. 

I’ve been working parttime at a university vaccination clinic and it’s been nice to have a little income to slow the drain on my savings, but the clinic is closing and that is creating an inner disturbance. You see, for many years now I’ve made very little money as I have given myself totally to documenting and sharing beauty and being a voice for our planet. I’ve loved it and feel lucky to have the opportunity to photograph amazing creatures underwater and visit sacred places that have fueled my passion for healing. I’ve published several books with my photography and writing including three children’s books. Yet, with so much effort and money spent to create these works, there has not been a supportive income produced by them. I’m not whining but rather expressing a deep frustration and grief that the work of my soul, the endeavors of my heart are not paying the bills. 

If I get a full-time job just to produce an income, I won’t have enough energy to do the work of my heart. I’ve tried. And quite honestly, I cannot do it. The passion is so strong within me to do the work I feel called to do…and have felt since childhood…it feels like self-betrayal if I don’t do it. I struggle to express the depth of love I feel for our planet and all life here and so want to help bring balance

All of this was going through my mind as I waded back down the creek with mist swirling around me, softening the harshness of my thoughts. I finished fishing after taking note of my improved casting and promptly getting the fly stuck in a tree. After getting it out of said tree, the fly wrapped around the tip of my rod and created a massive tangle. I put the reel end of the ten-foot rod on the creek bank and walked out into the water, pulled my magnifier down from the hat brim and took 15 to 20 minutes to untangle the line which included removing the fly and strike indicator and carefully working with the spider-web thin line. I felt the fishing was done after that exercise in patience. Plus, I’d been wading for over three hours and was ready to head back down the creek and trail. 

So, the mists were swirling and my frustration was tempered by the absolute beauty bombarding me from every direction. I begin to realize that fly fishing was mirroring my life’s work perfectly. It came down to this thread of thought: I feel called to be in Nature and explore the energetic, spiritual, emotional and physical connection with it. Through photography and writing I share my experiences to encourage others to connect and heal and love our planet. But mostly I share these experiences because I cannot not share. I am a visual storyteller. Period. That is my calling.

I also am a yoga instructor, a Reiki practitioner and teacher, an intuitive, a women’s drum circle leader, a musician…I have all these skills that are centered around helping others heal and I haven’t found a way to put it all together to provide an income. So I am, and have been for many years, very frustrated. 

Walking down the trail I allowed the emotions to arise, to come up from the depths and be acknowledged. The sound of rushing water helped them to flow. Foundational understanding resulted: I would fly fish if I never caught another fish because I love the clear water, trees, rocks, green moss and so it is with the work of my heart; I will continue to connect with Nature and open myself to It and learn from it and share what I learn even if nobody reads my stories or I never sell another book or photograph. So deep is the trust I have for my soul leading me true, I am willing to risk everything to follow the Path. It doesn’t conform to the way of the world, but I know it is the right direction.

Patience. Practice. Perseverance. These three qualities are needed to learn the art of fly fishing. They are also a reminder for my Path…I want so much to help in the healing of this world. My gift is to be a bridge between Nature and humanity and use my talents of photography, writing, teaching yoga and energy work and creating music to fulfill my goal. I will continue to persevere through practice and patience. And trust that doors will open so my work can blossom and be a light into a suffering world as well as support me financially.  

Fly fishing—a perfect mirror for my Path, my Life.

UPDATE: the night after I wrote this blog post I had a most amazing dream and the next morning another profound lesson learned from a rock. Check out the follow-up post and the wisdom shared by a rock.

To support the work of my heart and soul you can purchase my books, order photographs, take private yoga classes with me, come for a Reiki session or just donate. I also do graphic design and book layout as well as editing. My self-publishing led to the creation of a workshop for those wanting more info on how to go from a completed manuscript to a finished book. I will work with individuals and groups wanting to self-publish. One of the ways I have given back is to partner with non-profits to support their work through my books by given a set amount to their organization and I’m happy to include this with mentoring in your publication journey.

WILD!

WILD!

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I’ve been wanting to write and yet every time I thought about it a field of intensity opened and I closed down the writing, closed down sharing. But today, as I was sitting at a small stream running into Deep Creek, I found myself settling, grounding, coming into stillness and when I did, I saw amazing creatures that I would have missed had I not taken the time to stop. To be still. And listen. And somehow those wild creatures freed me to finally write.

Two weeks ago a friend of mine posted on social media that nobody had heard from a mutual friend that lived with her two dogs in California. Friends from Europe and the USA started a search and it was discovered that our friend had passed. Of all the loses of the past year…the hundreds of thousands that have died just in the USA, this was the death that gutted me. She was alone. None of us knew what happened. And what happened to her dogs? We couldn’t light a candle for her, couldn’t help her dogs. And nobody in our beloved circle knew…

my two canine friends….Vern and Buddy

It opened up grief that seemed a chasm and fear that if I died my four-legged family would suffer and what would happen to them? 

In the meantime I had started a new job that I thought would be amazing because it helped connect people with Nature. I had turned in notice at my part time job at a university vaccination clinic. I was excited to be able to put my skills to use in a field related to the outdoors, specifically rivers. I began working both jobs…my space got constricted very quickly.

Then my farmer neighbor started clearing land and a scurry of woodchucks was uncovered when they cleared the brush. I drove by one afternoon and one of the adult woodchuck was standing at the entrance to their amazing den looking very concerned. And even though I offered suggestions to keep the whistle pigs home intact, it was in fact razed. A time when babies are helpless. It angered me and illustrated how humans continue to try and dominate Nature rather than work with it. That power-over mentality is one of the problems that destroys our planet…it’s just not okay. And I am still so sad…what happened to them? Where are they? Were they killed? Those ground hogs were my neighbors as sure as the farmer is my neighbor.

The new employer wanted me to start work while I was still committed to my university job and I did even though it was very stressful. But I am so grateful I did. I quickly saw that my ability to work long days…longer than I expected…and the intensity of the position left me exhausted emotionally, physically, mentally…and yes spiritually. While the Nantahala River was just across the street from the outfitter, I couldn’t ‘see’ it due to the overwhelming demands of the job. And that just won’t do. So I resigned three days into the job that I thought would be amazing. I was very disappointed but grateful to know I simply couldn’t handle the demands of a high-pressure job.

I want to be wild, not play act about wildness. I want to be in Nature, not within four walls with stresses associated with retail sales and operations. So this past weekend I had two things happen that upset me and my wild sense.

First, I found a showy orchis, a type of wild orchid, growing almost in the gravel driveway that is shared in our neighborhood. A big truck and trailer hauling equipment up the mountain came within an inch (literally) of squashing the orchid. So I researched it and found that moving them usually doesn’t work but I felt if I left it, it would die and if I moved it it might die but it would have a chance, even if it was slight. So when I finally got brave enough to dig, there was no bulb and just a very thin little root connecting it to another one. I tried my best, placed it in a downslope, bottom-of-the mountain sort of place but I feel certain it won’t survive.

Then I was digging up an old stump in my yard that was crumbling and found termites….YIKES! My home is protected with any outdoor system but still….so I decided to dig out the termites with a shovel, along with the crumbling pine stump. And then….oh….then I saw my little king snake friend down in the stump and I don’t think I killed her but if I didn’t wound her it was a miracle. She had the perfect setup with a food source, protection and I just mucked up her palace, her wonderland. And possibly wounded her. I tried to pull her out but she was strong enough to resist…which is a good sign. But after the ground hogs, the orchid, the snake, the job, my friend passing….it was a crummy culmination of two weeks of crummy-ness.

So as I sat by the stream watching the kaleidoscope of butterflies, I settled back into myself. Stillness and I became reacquainted. The reward was seeing a beautiful salamander scoot past in the shallow water under the rocks and then a crawfish scooted past. Roomies? Friends? Dinner? Had I been in a building, stressing over ordering retail items I would have missed the kaleidoscope, missed the salamander. Missed the crawfish…the dwarf iris!

Last year, just before the dwarf iris bloomed, we were in lockdown. The national park was closed. And I grieved about not meeting the little, wild iris that populate these mountain woods. But today…today I met them and sang to them and danced with them and thanked them for being here. My favorite flower in full bloom. I would not have missed them for anything.

And the showy orchis….everywhere! I felt they were saying, ‘It’s okay…you tried. And we are many!! Don’t worry.’ And they, like so many wildflowers, danced in the spring winds. 

I’m still working parttime at the clinic and I like it…helping people get vaccinated, helping the whole of our community and country become healthier, more resilient. And I’m still making native flute bags and taking photographs and offering yoga and coaching. And I’m still wild. And grateful. And now, after a magical time spent with butterflies, a salamander and a crawfish I’m a little more sane.

And…thankfully Marie’s two little dogs were rescued and were rehomed together. We were all so glad her precious elderly babies were saved and were able to stay together. That was a least one happy ending that came from our friend’s passing. She would have been very grateful.

______

I realized that today is the anniversary of the Deepwater Horizon oil catastrophe. Eleven years ago…I documented it for a year, traveling from Asheville to the Alabama coast. It changed me. It helped me see how greed destroys everything it touches. I am grateful to have stood witness but it was the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.