Today I celebrate my birthday. A while back I passed that half-century mark so this one isn’t a major milestone or anything extra special. But it feels that way.
This day of celebration is a time for refocusing my intention to live true to who I am. To allow my strengths to become gifts I share with others and to allow my talents an opportunity to be expressed fully. My birthday wish this year is to be a true expression of my highest self and live as a clear channel for love and light with an open heart.
Photograph by Jen Fraser
To all those who have guided, helped, assisted thus far…thank you. For those shining souls I have yet to meet….looking forward to it.
After my morning workout I was driving home once the torrential rain had eased up. Evidence of it was everywhere–flooded fields, ditches full and over-flowing, roadways covered. It was still raining but I waited at Pure Barre until the worst of it had passed.
The stretch of Highway 98 was looking good so I picked up speed and was listening to the Coffeehouse on Sirius radio when suddenly, as if it materialized from nowhere, the road was covered with three to four inches of water. Both lanes were underwater. Time seemed to slow down and I saw the possibility of my car hydroplaning and spinning out of control. In that split second I was keenly aware of the potential of being in a wreck. Actually I felt it, deep within myself. And I was calm.
I tentatively applied my brakes, knowing that given my speed I would lose control of my car when I hit the water. Thankfully, my Volvo knew exactly what to do. I felt the brakes pumping so I wouldn’t skid. I kept the steering wheel steady and within a few seconds I was out of danger with only a very slight fish-tale dance move as we once again found mostly dry pavement. We…yes, we. On more than one occasion the ‘wisdom’ of my car kept me safe.
The first week I had it I was driving from Greensboro to Asheville on I-40 and an 18-wheeler in front of me hit one of those skinny, tall orange-striped cones. It started spinning all over the road. I didn’t know how to react so I waited. I waited until the last possible moment and then steered clear just before the whirling projectile hit my car square in the center. It felt as if my car was a stealthy, large feline so keen was its cat-like reflexes.
It may sound silly but that’s okay. I’ve had a couple of close calls in my life, both from careless drivers. The latest one being several years ago when a drunk driver, who was going 55mph, rear-ended me when I was stopped at a traffic signal. He was legally comatose but managed to total his BMW on my CRV. He had a drunk driving conviction seven years prior.
That’s when I found my car and purchased it. What attracted me was Volvo’s safety record. About 10 years prior to that wreck a teen ran a stop sign, hit me and rolled my truck. My dog was killed because of that wreck. Had my daughter been with me, she would have most likely been killed. So I felt as if I had a bulls-eye on my life and welcomed the solid, dependable Volvo friend.
I didn’t intend to write about my car but I see the metaphor it brings. It reminded me that I am supported and loved by something more powerful than me. Sure, it came in the form of a vehicle but I keenly felt a direct connection to Spirit when I reached out and patted the dash of my car and said, Thank you. Thank you so much for keeping me safe.
What, in my darkest moments, do I have to fear? Only being forgetful that I am loved and cared for completely, totally. The protection and care from my guardian angel or Spirit…or God may come through the form of my car or a friend or a small, inner whisper. This near-miss caused me to pause and consider just how loved I am, how cradled I am in the Light of Spirit. How we all are, even when we experience traumas, sickness, loss and disappointments. Nobody, nothing has the power to take that from me.
This was a morning of tears…intense tears welling up from the grief I carry within my heart for this planet…and all life here. Some days it nearly overwhelms me. I want to stand as a witness to what is happening but some days it is difficult. Thank goodness for small acts of kindness and love that I also bear witness to for these keep me sane, hopeful.
…I drove by a large area that had been clear cut. Massive oaks, pines…lay in piles. I couldn’t help but scream, “ENOUGH! ENOUGH DESTRUCTION!” I’m not sure who I was screaming to…myself, the tree cutters, the developers…God?
…The other night I dreamed I was at a car dealer and kept saying, But I don’t need a new car. They kept wanting me to test drive this model or that one. I felt brainwashed and fought to stay conscious of the truth.
The biggest lie we are taught from the moment we take our first breath is that we don’t have enough. Or that the vehicle that gets a few miles on it must be replaced with a sparkling new model. Or the TV we have is four inches smaller than the new model which is also three inches thinner. Our clothes are the wrong style or the wrong color. Our hair is the wrong color. Our skin the wrong color……
Our entire society, economy, mental structure is based on making more money, having more stuff…more, more, more. The programming is so insidious that we aren’t aware that we are wired to participate in the steady but sure depletion of planetary resources. Like robots we march through our lives thinking we are not okay unless we have more stuff. We equate more with safety.
Sadly, the USA has become the model for the world in consumerism but this modus operandi comes with a great cost.
Our planet is a reflection of our mental hygiene…or lack of
As a collective, our mental hygiene has gone to hell. Our emotional lives have become wastelands. We believe we are inherently flawed unless we live the ‘American dream.’ And so with our minds–our most powerful tool–we perpetuate a living hell of accumulating more stuff which creates debt and feelings of worthlessness brought about by the perpetual desire to have more stuff so that we are okay…we are safe. This mindset takes us deeper into a spiral of destruction in our personal lives and as a planetary family.
The good news is that because our minds are so powerful we have the ability to create different lives for ourselves. It supposedly takes 30 days to change a behavior. The first step is being aware of how our behaviors stem from our thoughts, our beliefs. This means we have to monitor our thoughts…what am I telling myself? That is the place to begin. Unraveling a lifetime of programming will take more than 30 days; however, the place to begin is at the beginning. Question every impulse to buy a new this…a new that. Do I need this or is this my programming creating this impulse?
It’s time to step out of the drama of the chaotic, consumer-driven world of greed and fear. When we take this step it is not a loss we will experience but a birth into a higher, more genuine quality of life. It is time to awaken from our slumber, to arise from our unconscious state and recognize our part in the destruction of our planet by supporting uncontrolled and profit-driven individuals and corporations who care for nothing but…more.
“Desire defeats its own end…desire is the parent of fear”*…when we understand this, we can release the desire for more and feel the grip of fear release the choke-hold it has on our lives. The place to begin is at the beginning.
*“Desire defeats its own ends, for it is the parent of fear.” These words were written by psychologist, teacher, artist and mystic Dion Fortune.
Today’s encounter with manatees was nearly silent. There were few people and those present were quiet and respectful. For nearly two hours I floated on the surface, watching manatees sleep on the bottom. Occasionally, one by one, they would surface, breathe and slowly sink back to slumber.
To get a good photo or video the interaction can be the sought-for experience; but today I found pleasure in observing respectful humans take care around the sleeping manatees…and this made my heart happy.
The scars nearly every animal carries from propellers…even the babies…remind me how fragile the balance between humans and manatees.
In the quiet of the springs, surrounded by dreaming manatees I too dreamed of a global awakening to care, to love and respect all life. There are no stories of boisterous, curious, cuddly babies this night. Just the story of how humans and wildlife can interact peacefully, respectfully if humans grow into the peaceful, compassionate beings I know we can be.
Seeing the light of a person’s soul is one of the most profound experiences I’ve ever known. He had a wide open heart and unbounded love shining forth for me and I had an open heart and mind to receive it. To know love as given through an open heart can be rare, but it need not be.
While it wasn’t a forever relationship for me, the love generated from it lives on strongly in my heart. And I continue to be grateful.
As humans we have moments of allowing our light to shine and other moments when fear takes over and creates a cloak around the light. It can be scary to be open if others are changing around us. When life events create change, the temptation is to withdraw and not risk being open, not risk being vulnerable. That’s when all our filters kick in and we see the world through our wounds instead of with the eyes of spirit. Every person alive has most likely experienced this.
Last week a three hour lunch with a friend produced pages of notes as we bounced ideas off of each other about how to make a difference, how to be a positive force. One of us chewed food while the other spoke…all the while the chewer listened and allowed inspiration to come forth. Then we switched roles. Both of us have experienced frustration in our life’s path and the direction we feel guided. What came from that meeting was the simple idea of allowing love to move through us and open the way. An answer for all?
I find that when I become fearful, I get tense. As I tense my body, my thoughts follow and I feel smaller. And then…love is struggling to shine through the tiny cracks of space left open in my heart. But when I relax my body, my mind relaxes and then my heart opens and there is room for love. Or maybe the mind is first…or maybe the heart. But somehow the mind, body and spirit all work together to create an expansive and open heart. Or one that is shut down. The choice is ours.
As I have worked to move forward in life, I have struggled to understand why my heart keeps returning to that relationship. After months of no contact, my heart still feels the love. Clarity arrived as I finally realized that seeing the light of his soul changed my life for the better. Knowing the light of another’s heart was profound and I’ll not settle for anything less in relationship. But I also understand that maintaing that kind of openness takes a lot of work. And it begins with me. To find others whose hearts are open requires that mine be open. And it requires that I am willing to be vulnerable.
Each of us has the capacity to allow our light to shine. We have choice. When we live more open to love, love becomes the reality, the expectation…the way of being. As we are grounded in love, determined to stay open, we must be disciplined for it is easy to close down, to hide. But love is what will sustain us..not our fears or our anger. Love generates both urgency and patience. As we intend to live love, love changes our reality.
I have tried anger and frustration and impatience. I have tried to force change…but none of that ever works. Only through softening…and opening…and embracing light and love has my life shifted, has my vision cleared.
Love has known me. Light of another’s soul has touched me. That isn’t something I want to forget…ever. This is how we are designed to live.
May we collectively shed the cloaks of anger, hatred, frustration, hurt…. the past….and be willing to show the light of the soul to all.
Today I celebrate my birthday. A while back I passed that half-century mark so this one isn’t a major milestone or anything extra special. But it feels that way.
