Joyful Mysteries
After searching YouTube for John O’Donohue videos, I came upon an unedited conversation/interview he had with Krista Tippett on NPR. It was over 90 minutes filled with little jewels of wisdom and ideas for deepening our soul experience.
He was a former Catholic priest and to me, one of the great Celtic philosophers and healers of our time. One of the ideas he shared in the interview was applying the Joyful Mysteries to your own life and seeing what arises from the depths of soul experience. I was very intrigued by this and decided to work with it. I’m not Catholic nor religious but am a spiritual seeker, one dedicated to deepening my soul experience.
For background information, the Five Joyful Mysteries is a way of praying the rosary. They are centered on the life of Jesus. They include the Annunciation–Gabriel’s announcing to Mary of the Incarnation; the Visitation–spiritual being appearing; Nativity–birth of Jesus; Presentation–when Jesus was presented at the Temple at age 12; Finding–when Mary found Jesus after he stayed behind and was ‘lost’ from her for three days.
These questions relate to the Five Joyful Mysteries and how we might apply them to our lives: When was there an announcement so big it changed your life? When have you experienced a visit from the spirit world? When have you been reborn? What experience do you have with initiation? When have you recovered lost parts of yourself?
O’Donohue suggested naming four times for each of the Mysteries to give yourself a sort of soul map of your life. Just coming up with one for each was an interesting exercise and I look forward to more exploration. Here’s my short list of Joyful Mysteries.
Announcement–Years ago I made a promise to the Universe that if I ever had the money to support myself, I would dedicate myself fully to helping connect humans to Nature through photography and writing. The money came through from a land sale and for the past 12 years I have fulfilled that promise.
Visit from the World of Spirit–My father died during my senior year of college. My family had traveled to Auburn to attend my graduation. On the morning of the ceremony, I awoke suddenly. The house was very quiet. I heard my father say, “I am so proud of you.” I didn’t see him but I felt him in the room with me. It brought me so much joy to feel the connection with him.
Rebirth–After a time when I experienced deep loss in every aspect of my life, I came to a place of total emptiness. It felt like there was nothing left but ashes of my former life. From these ashes, I rose like a phoenix. It took time but it happened and after this death and rebirth, the money became available to dedicate myself fully to the promise mentioned above.
Initiation–Through deep explorations with Nature there have been many spiritual initiations that have changed my life. One in particular stands out. I was on a boat, anchored 90 miles offshore of the Dominican Republic, on a humpback whale encounter. I was up on deck before sunrise doing yoga and as part of my practice that morning began doing a dedication, renewing the promise I made years before to Spirit. The nearly full moon was bright yet stars were hanging so close I could feel their brilliance. Whales were nearby as evidenced by their loud exhalations and fishy, misty breath illuminated by the moonlight. As I stood on deck and spoke, it was as if the whales knew exactly what I was doing and came closer. I felt surrounded by intense energy, as if engulfed in a blue then purple flame as my heart opened more to the whales, stars, moon…to the Universe. It felt as if I was anointed with spiritual fire. (Even as I write this, I feel the power of this experience).
Recovering Lost Parts of Self–Just recently I have been working with a part of myself that I re-discovered in Ireland. I call it the Warrior Priest. I was at a retreat on Inish Mor and took a couple days afterwards to be by myself and explore the island. On the last day there, I walked to a chapel ruin on the hill above the inn. I felt pulled further over the rocky terrain to the edge of the cliff. As I expressed gratitude and love for the powerfully beautiful place, I turned to leave and felt a presence follow me….not just down the hill but all the way home. As I have worked with this presence I recognize it as a part of myself that I found waiting in Ireland.
Pondering O’Donohue’s suggestion was powerful. It wasn’t difficult to come up with an example for each of the Joyful Mysteries and now I have a greater sense of appreciation for the work I’ve done of creating more wholeness in my life. For each Mystery there are other experiences I can use to create a map of my soul experience.
Perhaps the most beautiful idea to arise from this are more sacred threads to weave into the tapestry of my life. It’s very integrative to search for Joyful Mysteries that have formed this soul experience so I offer this idea to others who might wish to expand their life’s tapestry. Sometimes tools come along that help us acknowledge the path of power we have walked and claim it as our greatest work of art.
For over two years I’ve been moving through a threshold. In the Celtic way of thinking, a threshold is a place of transition where something is changing but you haven’t gotten to the ‘new’ way yet. It’s like a doorway in the realm of the psyche. Or a tunnel….and sometimes that tunnel can feel never-ending.
Enter a time of Void; a going into intense darkness. For a very long time. Stumbling, trembling, groping through a maze of emotions, behaviors, patterns. Mucking through a dark cave…or as I like to call it, a messy treasure hunt.
Thankfully I have had guides met along the way to help navigate this journey. First, a white horse I met in Ireland has become a spiritual companion of strength and wisdom. I feel her run beside me as I cycle and journey with me in meditation. When I first saw her, I was walking by myself in Ireland at an old beehive hut made of stone where hermit priests lived during periods of intense spiritual practice. I saw her from a distance but couldn’t reach her due to the maze of stone walls. Our group returned later that afternoon and she was standing beside the hut waiting. And each time I visited solo, she would be there.
The rocks and land and sea of the west coast of Ireland awakened me…profoundly so…to a deeper connection with the planet and myself. I would walk up, by myself each night, to one of the ancient stone forts, maybe 5000 years old, and sit 700 feet above the Atlantic Ocean listening to the sea, to stars, to ancient voices that still speak if one can quieten the mind to hear.
During those walks up the steep path in darkness–with only starlight guiding me–I developed courage to walk in the dark, trusting that I would be okay. Those experiences helped me develop the ability to walk in darkness with courage.
Another guide I have had is a wholeness coach. She has been a true light in the darkness. Rose allows me to safely journey deep by holding a lantern and shining light on little gems that want excavation. Without a doubt, our work together has helped me move from a very stuck place to a place that is once again beginning to flow.
For many months it has been intense…an inner pilgrimage that has uprooted fears and shaken me to my core. In the process, parts of myself–seemingly lost lifetimes ago–are being reclaimed…really wise parts. Integration is happening. And finally, the vision is unfolding.
It’s not about saving the world or being a better photographer or writer or producing more books or giving more talks. It is about holding clearer space for love to move through and guide me. It’s about being an anchor of light for a planet in need of more light. And from that, everything will unfold.
It’s not a grand vision needed from any of us. It’s a simple vision of getting to a place where we can hold love in our hearts and let go of judgment, fear, resistance, anger, hate…the things that keep us stuck.
The most difficult thing I’ve ever done is face my own darkness….not the dark, creative realms of rich fertile, inner ground…rather, the darkness that seeks to snuff out light, like the Dementors in the Harry Potter movies. Those vile creatures gloried in despair and drained peace, hope and happiness out of the air around them. We all have at least one inner Dementor.
Each of us must come to terms with this light-stealing darkness as we open to love. Whatever it is that takes us out of the pure expression of love is what needs examination. It is hard work… maddeningly difficult and exhausting. Should you wish to make the journey know there are others of us making it as well. You are not alone. We can all shine a little light for each other.
We can lovingly take responsibility for that within us which lessens the true self, the light-self, that is wanting to shine.
Several weeks ago Buddy and I were walking and ended up at the trail entrance. I had never walked the trail…didn’t know it was there…after nearly 7 years of living here. I stopped, fearful to move forward. It surprised me, this fear of a woodland path. But I remembered that when I was in Asheville a couple months ago I drove to a familiar trail and began walking. That same fear gripped me and I was surprised then as well. What the heck?
I am a cave diver, a solo traveler. I spend most of my time alone so what’s with the fear? Over the following weeks I tugged on that question, gently though. I allowed it to play in my mind–a loose feather floating on currents of thought.
Many months of deep inner excavation work have uprooted many fears which needed to be illuminated so I could move into the next phase of my life with more freedom. Even knowing that was the issue, I still couldn’t walk down that wooded path. So every day Buddy and I would walk to the path and pause. I would stand there wondering….
On the island of Inis Mor, Ireland, last year a most amazing experience unfolded. It was sunset. I stood on massive, ragged limestone rocks at the edge of the Atlantic Ocean and tearfully said my goodbyes after a solo day of cycling, hiking, singing and connecting deeply with Nature. As I turned to walk back to the ancient chapel ruin and then down the hill to the inn, I felt a massive presence behind me. I paused and then walked onward. The presence followed me.
All the way through the cow pasture, past the chapel, to the gate, down the street….I felt a massive presence behind me. Two days later, on a crowded trans-Atlantic flight, the seats next to me in my row were ’empty’ and I felt the presence enter beside me and settle into the space. I wasn’t sure what to make of it but knew that something significant had happened.
Over 18 months passed. Then…BAM! Fear of a narrow strip of woods. Who have I become? Then….the presence tapped me on the shoulder. I remembered the confidence with which I strode down the hill in Ireland and walked with the strength of the ancestors behind me. What happened to THAT woman?
In doing the inner excavation work I have uncovered some deeply rooted operational errors. I read a book by Edith Eger and this passage could have been one I wrote, “I have become my own jailor, telling myself, ‘No matter what you do, you will never be good enough.’ The number one demon I wrestle with is this lie. Invoking the presence…what I now think of as my Higher Self…I have gathered the strength to deal with deep-rooted beliefs such as this.
The prison I built was built of fear…that I wasn’t good enough, wasn’t lovable if I was myself, that I would never succeed, couldn’t be who I was in my truest self. These fears began to overshadow me as I prepared to move forward, as I dug deep to heal on a deeper level.
The commitment to growth is the most challenging and scariest one we can make. I had been in relationships for over 30 years. Finally I took the time, after my divorce, to be by myself. Edith Eger explains the opportunity perfectly, “Divorce empties the room of other distractions, of the habitual targets of my blame and resentment, and forces me to sit alone with my feelings.” And there it is…the past six and a half years of living alone, not being involved in a relationship, have been about me finally facing the emotions…and fears…that shaped my life. It has given me the opportunity to discover not only the fears but also the way forward.
From my journal on the pilgrimage to Inis Mor…. It’s not about changing the world. It’s about opening more to the wisdom found in Nature that reminds me of cycles and seasons and persistence. I met blueberry bushes on the tops of cliffs that have grown horizontal rather than vertical, toward the sky, to avoid being stripped by wind of leaves and fruit. Their stems are deep within the multitudes of cracks in rocks and they barely lift their fruits above the ground. They take their cue from the elements and thus have found a way to thrive in conditions most plants would die from. I’ll take my cues from nature.
Edith Egers also wrote that in the sacred present she can celebrate the choice to dismantle the prison in her mind, brick by brick and can choose to be free. A few days ago Buddy and I walked the wooded path as I envisioned removing brick after brick after brick. No longer resistant to what I’ll find within myself, I discover freedom.
For a pilgrim, the outer landscape becomes a metaphor for the Unknown inner landscape. A pilgrim travels differently, seeking a change of mind and heart, John O’Donohue reminds us. He also said, “When you bring your body out into the landscape, you’re bringing it home where it belongs.”
As I watched him speaking on a favorite DVD, I thought…My life is a pilgrimage. I remembered John saying that in the Celtic Imagination the insight is that the landscape is alive. We’re not walking into simply a location or dead space but rather we are walking in a living Universe and in this way of being, our journey becomes different…it becomes a pilgrimage.
Two years ago a friend of mine and I traveled to northern England for a pilgrimage. We called our journey that from the beginning of our planning. Our intention was set clearly and together Maria and I journeyed on a pilgrimage. We didn’t want to just visit places, we wanted to connect with the landscape–with the ancient stone circles and elemental energies of the land and water.
I located my journal from the trip and read about the first encounter with Castlerigg Stone Circle. After taking a while to connect with the energies of the place, I had a most amazing experience of shamanic journeywork. Or meditation. Or simply connection with the Spirit of the Place.
Throughout the pilgrimage, I wrote of vivid dreams, of being chased by an antlered man through the forest, of connecting deeply with the Feminine energy of Earth. At one point in our travels I drove us to Grasmere and when we parked near Wordsworth’s home, Dove Cottage, I started sobbing. There was such a powerful connection to his work and the place.
As I finished reading the journal, it felt as if I was back there among the stones of Castlerigg, Long Meg and Swinside circles, in Elderbush Cave, in Thor’s Cave, or walking along the trail near Keswick…or sitting at Dove Cottage weeping with joy at feeling so at home. It’s not ever simply a trip or vacation for me….it truly is as John O’Donohue says, “If you enter into the dream that brought you here and awaken its beauty in you, then the beauty will gradually awaken all around you.”
Life is a pilgrimage to me. Every day gives new opportunity to be outside in nature seeking reflection into my inner landscape…to learn more about how I can connect deeper to nature and all life and find the common threads that join us together.
A recent theme occurring for me is the idea of being a friend to myself. That may sound odd but hear me out.
Even in our mindfulness practices of meditation, yoga, prayer, music we can hurry through, push to achieve a goal or achieve a result. In the most sacred of practices we can abandon ourselves as we hurry up to become more self-aware, balanced, centered. Isn’t that odd?
If I am taking the best care of myself, I can sit in stillness with no goal or desired outcome other than to enjoy my own company. The truest voice of the soul can only be heard when we slow down and listen. I’ve discovered how much I don’t listen to the voice that whispers like the wind. Fine-tuning the ability to be still and quiet is an art, a practice that increases awareness of what we might not be comfortable learning about ourselves.
What would it feel like to be a true friend to yourself? What steps would you take to show unconditional, positive regard for your self? What is your soul longing for you to know?