On Being Sensitive
“All trees are not good trees,” she said as she leaned over, placed her hand over my arm and smiled with that knowing smile that she was right and I, because I dare to care about all trees, was wrong. It wasn’t the first time I was put in my place because I am sensitive to life.
My first memory of being ‘put down’ for being sensitive was when I was a child. My dad and I were watching a movie on television where an old man had saved, at great hardship, to purchase a piece of glass for the window in his cabin. After he bought it and installed it, his mule kicked a bucket through the window. I cried and my dad laughed at me for crying. That’s my first memory of feeling compassion and being pushed out of the tribe.
Those of us who are sensitive live in a world where we are put down, outcast, made to feel less than, called names and in general judged to be stupid or simply wrong. And because we are sensitive as part of our very nature, we sometimes feel completely out of step with the rest of the world. I know many of you are keenly aware of this truth.
It is a painful life we live until we become strong enough to recognize the bullies for what they are, until we come to value our beautiful sensitivity and champion ourselves…and even then we can get stung and so begins the process of healing that deep wound again….and again.
Because we receive negative feedback so often about our deepest, truest selves, we have difficulty believing that we are whole and beautiful. If the world mirrors back to us that empaths are silly, flakey, ridiculous then how do we believe the truth about ourselves? How do we learn to trust ourselves? How do we claim our space in the world?
Clarissa Pinkola Estes says, in her series Mother Night, that people who feel, that are sensitives, are pushed to the edge, are outcast…these people who are the artists, the creatives, the healers with their open hearts and minds…they are pushed to the fringes of society. But when this happens, she warns, the culture dies because they are not allowed to do their work, for their work is nourishment for the psyche.
I was having a rough day and asked for guidance. When I arrived home from cycling I put the sound files on my phone on random play and Clarissa’s series was what came to me…as a big answer. Listening to her reminded me that my empathic ability is my gift. My ability to feel deeply is a gift…to the world. How many of us can breathe that statement in? Try it… My ability to feel deeply is a gift to the world.
Besides the fact that we are outcast and have to deal with that our entire lives, we are keenly aware of the seemingly multitude of beings crying out in pain these days….children, families, animals, wildlife, wild places and yes, even trees. So how do we cope with this two-edged sword of empathy, of sensitivity?
I would suggest not trying to fit in to a world that tries to consistently push us out. So you want to push us out, okay. I will walk along the fringe…I will dance along the fringe and I will find those who will dance with me. I will connect with my sisters and brothers who also bear the scars of feeling in an unfeeling world. Clarissa calls us Scar Clan of the Tribe of the Sacred Heart. We recognize each other by our ability to feel deeply, love deeply and we have the audacity to care deeply.
And then I would suggest spending time to connect with our feelings of love and compassion and to do so without shame. We were taught to be ashamed of our compassion and kindness so let us un-teach that to ourselves and simply sit in stillness and silence with acceptance for ourselves….our beautiful, bright selves.
And lastly, I would suggest allowing the beautiful feelings to be expressed through the creativity we bring to the world….writing, photographing, painting, dancing, singing, speaking, connecting with Nature. What do we love? What do we feel such burning compassion and kindness toward? What are we waiting for my loves?
Still awake after waking at 2am, my mind wandered back to the little boy who broke my heart yesterday. I was working the cash register at my part-time job at a major outdoor clothing store. A man and his eight year old-ish son were at the counter looking at wallets. The boy was quiet and shy but given the way his dad was treating him, I understood why.
I smiled and teasingly said to the ‘man,’ “Hey, we’re almost an all-female staff. Be careful…” The guy laughed, not understanding what I was saying and kept on harassing his little boy. Finally, I walked over to the boy and said, “My brother is a man, he hunts turkey and deer and he wears pink shirts.” The little boy broke into a huge smile for just a moment and as we made eye contact I knew he felt understood. If only for a brief time, someone was on his side.
Tears prompted me to write this as a way to send love to the boy. But I also send love to his father who was probably bullied by his father. Shall we send love now, through our deep breath and exhalation, to all the bullies whose pain is so great the only way they feel relief is to pass it on to their children.
And to the little boy…may you find the courage to be yourself, to feel and express your emotions, to be the math nerd or the science whiz or musician or actor or writer or artist or professional soccer player….may you always be true to your heart and find support, sometimes where you least expect it.
In the too often pattern of not sleeping well, my mind was reviewing the long list of things that frustrate me. I had dreamed of a therapist friend of mine earlier in the night so decided that perhaps I needed to allow my inner psychotherapist to work with my meandering mind.
So if I’m feeling powerless, I’m guessing that others are as well. I know there are many people who care. There are many people who are frustrated and who wake up with anxiety, concern and breaking hearts over the brutality of the administration of the US government…and other governments and corporations who put money as ‘god’ and damn anything that gets in the way…who don’t abide by ethics or morals or even common decency. We are stressed by the state of things and more so because we feel powerless.
As I pondered this my inner therapist suggested that we use every negative thing we witness or hear about or read about as a call to open more to kindness…compassion….love. Instead of giving up in frustration, let every evil deed, every sting of anger, frustration and heartbreak be our cue to love immediately, to show kindness immediately….to open ourselves to compassion. Not as a concept or idea but as an action….an immediate action.
If I see the local state park being cleared of old-growth underbrush and get angry while cycling, send love to every plant I see as I go past. I mean…really send them love. Thank the plants for being there. Apologize for those destroying the flora of the park.
If I read about the ‘president’ creating a border crisis as a publicity stunt for his re-election campaign, allow my anger to be a cue to stop and love my dog and cats….to shower them with open-hearted affection. Take immediate action to show compassion, to take my mind and heart to a place of love…a counter balance to the other stuff.
Perhaps I read a story of polar bears starving from lack of sea ice on which to hunt and I feel overwhelming grief…I can pick up a book of poetry and go outside and read a poem to the Earth….and take my tears to the soil and share them with Her….she’ll listen.
What if I read of an oil and gas lobbyist being installed as head of the Department of Interior….I can go outside and walk among trees and tell them out loud how much I love them.
Angry at sonar blasts killing whales? Turn on whale songs and dance, opening my heart and allowing their songs to guide me to self-expression.
This isn’t a polly anna way of dealing with the insanity we face…this is the way to transmute it, to create the change we want by being the change. It’s not easy. It’s probably the hardest work we will ever do…but check it out beloveds….WE CAN CHANGE THE COURSE OF THE WORLD BY OUR KINDNESS, OUR COMPASSION, OUR LOVE.
Let us rise up. Let us create the world we say we want by taking responsibility for our reactions to what is happening. Let our anger, grief, sadness, frustration remind us to meet brutality with positive action that shifts us…real changes begins within individuals. And many individuals positively shifting their energy leads to really amazing and wonderful change on a large scale.
What’s one thing you can do today that adds compassion, kindness or love to the world? What’s stopping you?
Here’s a partial list of immediate actions of kindness, compassion and love we can take when our anger, frustration, grief, sadness is triggered. Add to it…share it with others. Let’s RISE UP!
Stop and hug your dog or cat or horse….have a favorite poem ready to read out loud to the trees…have favorite music accessible and play it and dance in joy and love….stop and smell flowers (literally)….walk among trees and talk to them and then listen….write a poem about your feelings….sing a love song to the Earth….walk in a park and notice every thing that is beautiful….write a letter to a friend….make up a funny story and write it down….call a friend to tell them you love them….play a musical instrument and imagine love pouring forth with every note….look in the mirror, look into your eyes and thank yourself for being part of the solution….write a love letter to the Earth or to polar bears or whales or whatever species your heart is breaking for and share it with a friend….use children’s building blocks to spell out words such as love, kindness, compassion…pray for wild ones, innocents…visit someone who is ill and read them poetry or a funny story…donate money to an organization or individual working to create positive change…sit in the sun and allow it to touch your heartbreak…walk barefoot on the Earth and let every footstep be a kiss for the planet…create a list of people you can call when you feel overwhelmed with grief or sadness or anger and reach out to one for support….
Whatever you do, do something that nurtures yourself, shifts your energy and from that positive change flows out into the world.
Do you dare look? Can you bear the grief? Sea turtle nearly decapitated by propeller. Children ripped from their parents. Whales dead full of plastic. This takes courage friends. To deny our grief is to make ourselves sick. The planet is suffering. All life is suffering. So what can we do?
The face of suffering is evident every day whether we watch the news or read it or listen on the radio. From every direction we are made aware of the destruction. Perhaps our natural inclination is to look away, but not because we don’t care. Perhaps, as Joanna Macy says, it’s because we don’t know what to do with our grief and we feel overwhelmed.
Last night I dreamed I was helping a sea turtle whose throat had been slit. This morning, on sea turtle nest patrol, I came upon a critically endangered Kemp’s Ridley sea turtle whose neck had been nearly severed from an apparent propeller strike. Even in my dreams they reach out asking for help. And so today, I share this turtle’s story and use it to illustrate the bigger story happening in the world and with every one of us.
