The Doe
My nervous system felt like it had been tightening and fraying all week. I wasn’t sure why until Saturday arrived and I had a serious day of showing my beloved home to three wonderful couples, two of whom really felt and saw the magic of this peaceful home under ancient live oak trees as I did seven years ago. I didn’t sleep much Saturday night, my mind wondering about the next step as my path unfolds into deeper communion with deep earth in the mountains.
Sunday morning I had to give my nervous system some relief, even in my fatigue. So my uber-fun road bike was loaded into the wagon and off I went for a nice ride.
Once I got helmet, gloves and cleats on I saddled up and started pedaling. A quick warmup past the bald eagle nests, with babies no less, was my plan. But I was struggling from lack of sleep and a mind that refused to stop the chatter. So I said aloud to nature, I need you to help my mind quieten and let go.
As soon as I turned the corner on the trail, standing in the trail was a big white-tailed deer….a doe. She didn’t run. She stayed right there staring into my eyes. I felt a deep peace envelop me. I wanted to grab my phone to take a photo but dared not move any more than I was already. (These photographs were taken by me in Cades Cove in the Smoky Mountain National park).
It seemed as if our eyes were locked forever as she showed me a deep sense of grace and grounded peace. I know my lower jaw was hanging slack until I managed to whisper….thank you.
She finally stepped off the trail, but just barely so, and looked back at me as if to say, Did you get that?
Tears slid from my eyes as I experienced the answer to my request.
I rode past the eagle nest and saw a tiny head peeking above the edge which reminded me of the poem I wrote a few days ago…my love letter to Mother Earth.
The state park is my cycling place, my place to take Buddy on long walks and has been a place of incredible beauty…and frustration as I watch the park get more city-park-like every day. They are chasing the wild out….but that’s another blog.
I continued for nearly 20 miles feeling immense gratitude for places that are wild and especially for this place that has been in my life since I was a child swimming in Lake Shelby….a teen working in the campground or at the interpretive office…and later as park naturalist after I graduated from Auburn. It’s where I worked when my daughter was born…and where I go to to ride through the flat, coastal living landscape.
I’ve seen deer, a jaguarundi, bobcats, foxes, bald eagles, osprey, cottonmouths, armadillos, all kinds of other snakes and lizards, owls, shore birds and hawks. I even saw a groove-billed ani on a Christmas bird count one year….a rare sighting for our area. And lots of woodpeckers and alligators, raccoons, opossums, squirrels….oh, the other day I had a squirrel run between my tires as I cycled past…the closest I’ve ever come to running over one. I always wondered how bad the crash would be with a squirrel….it doesn’t take much for a crash to happen. So yes….a lot of wildlife has been revealed to me at Gulf State Park. And no, I didn’t crash but I don’t know what happened to the squirrel.
So I felt some sadness about moving away as I pedaled but also felt a deeper sense of my work calling me forward where I know more adventures and more people await.
It’s funny how one encounter can so change me. I still sense the energy of that beautiful doe staring at me, reminding me to stay in my body, to release my racing mind and to simply be present…with her, baby eagles, squirrels, pine trees….and myself.
All photographs copyright Simone Lipscomb.
In preparation for our move I’ve been telling Buddy about bears….that really, they are just cows with longer fingernails….so he doesn’t freak when he sees one and get him and me both in serious trouble. He loves the black cows that live in the pasture next to our home….so here’s hoping a big bear won’t be too much of a shock.
On my final day in Ireland a gift was given in meditation. A cave was my point of visualization and in this amethyst cave I found a black zippered case. A Grandmother being was with me and said, “Once you open it, you can never go back.” I unzipped it and removed a small harp. “This is the gift from Eriu and you are now a trusted carrier of this wisdom. You have to carry it forth.”
I had absolutely no idea what a harp meant but she told me, as the meditation ended, to research the meaning and the significance would unfold.
After the meditation ended I went to my laptop and began researching the harp and Ireland. Coat of Arms….King of Ireland 13th century….high status among musicians in Ireland historically….in 17th century traditional musicians were outlawed or under control…harpist accompanied poetry recitations…became the resistance to the Crown and England….banned at end of medieval period…legend of Dagda, protector of people, had a magical harp that played itself….Queen Elizabeth I banned harps and harpists and even executed them as they were suspected to be the focal point of causing rebellions among Irish people against the crown….motto: It is now strung and shall be heard. 
That message echoed throughout my consciousness and today, as I write this, it is especially meaningful. Yesterday, during a session with my life coach, we discussed the deep work of allowing my self to be seen for who I really am, to cease hiding my light and strength and allow my beauty and the beauty I offer the world to be fully seen.
The same message came to me months earlier when I was in Ireland on Inis Mor. I was standing in the prehistoric fort and a modern-day fencing pipe stood facing the Atlantic Ocean. The wind was fierce that day and it played the pipe. The low notes of the pipe reverberated in my body and I was reminded that we are like flutes…the more we clear out the inner obstructions, the more beautiful our expression as Spirit moves through us.
Resistance to an old, repressive authority was symbolized by the harp. By gathering together all of who they were, the Irish played their ‘harp’ and let England know that independence was theirs. They claimed their right to live in freedom instead of oppression.
The Grandmother reminded me of my right to freedom from the old, inner oppression. From birth and experiences of life, I organized my thoughts and behaviors and direction…we all do this and all through our lives we have opportunities to unlearn the unhealthy, deadening patterns. Once freedom is experienced, returning to a fear-based life is not acceptable…but the journey out of fear can be challenging.
As much as I love Ireland and appreciate the raw, elemental beauty perhaps the greatest gift I received there was the symbol of the harp that reminds me to gather in all of who I am…the fearful parts, the strong parts, the gifts, talents…and allow the Universe to move through me.
When I play my low Celtic whistle, the mellow tones remind me to be an open channel for Spirit. When I sing or speak….or photograph nature….or write….or just sit and do ‘nothing’ it’s about being fully present with all of myself and letting that be enough. Because it is enough and it’s wonderful just to feel wholeness and to embrace the journey of the Pilgrim who goes out into the world seeing everything as sacred, including the self.
John O’Donohue said, in A Celtic Pilgrimage, “Always in a pilgrimage there is a change of mind and a change of heart. The outer landscape becomes a metaphor for the unknown, inner landscape.” Traveling into beautiful landscapes reflects to me the beauty of the soul. It reminds me that we are part of nature…we are nature. There really is no separation. Travel is sacred to me because it is a reminder to reflect inward to that precious journey of the soul.
The journey to wholeness is perfectly summed up when John O’Donohue said, “If you enter into the dream that brought you here and awaken in its beauty in you, then the beauty will gradually awaken all around you.” Beloved Eriu, Beloved Ireland, you showed me beauty that awakened me and gave me glimpses into the beauty of the soul that still shines through the eyes of my heart. It is time to shine….the harp of my heart has been strung and now must be played.
It may seem strange for a nature writer to focus on an abbey but it was a magical place that seemed very much in harmony with the spirits of the land. When we visited, it was under repair so I couldn’t photograph it. What I noticed was the seamless integration of human and nature. And….I had an experience there that still makes me laugh.
Rain was steadily falling as we added a top layer of waterproof jackets and pants to keep us dry. I brought along a collapsible umbrella to protect my camera. Ireland is known for its rain and changeable weather. But that day the radar showed rain rain rain rain rain.
I like the inner stillness that comes from being outside in rain. It’s not easy to extend my energy out there when rain is constantly giving a soft boundary that is immediate to my physical body. Even the drip drip drip of sprinkles insist on my being mindful of the present moment. Keep my camera dry, keep my head dry, stay focused on this right here.
The Abbey is huge and beautiful but I was more drawn to the trail that wandered through the grounds. We passed a small waterfall that emptied eventually into the beautiful lake. The mountains of Connemara were the backdrop of the still water.
A walk along Lough Pollacapull led to a small chapel that was simply stunning. The dark, wet stones seemed part of the woodlands. The inside was carved with beautiful nature elements. It was the most deeply peaceful chapel I’d ever visited. I felt surrounded by sweetness. This was most likely due to the chapel’s devotion to Mary.
I’m not Catholic but there were candles and I felt inspired to light one. I put my donation in and attempted to light the candle. I thought there were wicks already in the glass holders. My intention…. light a candle in prayer for ‘the’ man to enter my life. I had been six years single and in a deep healing process….sort of like a nun. I wasn’t looking for a man but should a compassionate, nature-loving, working-on-his-healing, creative one arrive in my life…I was open.
Frustratingly, the candle refused to light. I started to look around and noticed the box of small, white candles under the donation box. Doh! Lesson–if you want to invite your soulmate into your life make sure there’s something to actually call him to….in other words, show up! I was relieved that Gabriela and I were the only ones there as I felt a little ridiculous. I know the security footage from that day must be especially entertaining.
Later I discovered that Mitchell Henry built the castle in the late 1800’s, inspired by his love for his wife. His wife died and the chapel was built in memory of her. No wonder the energy there is so sweet. The love was palpable.
The gardens were magical, even with formal design and plantings. And all around were gigantic trees, perhaps saved from logging many centuries ago. I had a most profound experience with an old tree.
I stopped and put my forehead against the rough bark. I said, show me. I began to feel dizzy as images flashed through my mind like turning pages of a book very fast. Slow down, please, I whispered. Finally, the images slowed and came to rest on one of a small tree. I ‘heard’ a raspy whisper, Once I was a tiny tree and look at me now. Never give up. Always believe in yourself.
The Abbey and surrounding land shows that humans can interact with nature and live in harmony by practicing respect. Nature spirits can be celebrated in the design and operations of a place…even a big place. If humans are mindful of the energies of a place, there can be mutually beneficial existence. When we inhabit an area our presence doesn’t have to destroy the magic.
Ireland is a deeply dwelled in landscape with a long history of habitation by humans. And yet the energies of nature are strong and very present. I suspect this is because there is still a great respect, in many areas, of the Shining Ones that remain. I say this in reference to the rural areas–I didn’t feel that positive vibe near the airport in Dublin. The growth there has been exponentially destructive over the past ten years. It is my hope that the energies of nature will be honored and remembered because in my experience, that is why Ireland is such an incredible place.
Kylemore Abbey, as it is now called, is a Benedictine Abbey operated by nuns. They arrived in 1920 after their Abbey in Ypres, Belgium was destroyed during World War I.
By the time the hike was over I was very glad someone knew I was out there in that wild place. It wasn’t long after we separated that the weather began to turn. Thankfully I had my rain parka in my pack. Unfortunately I was wearing my new awesome ‘cow girl’ hat which didn’t take kindly to the eerie wind that started to build as I climbed up the mountain.
With every step up, the wind seemed determined to push me back. Heavy clouds appeared to come from the bowels of hell as the temperature plummeted. I stopped and removed my camera pack, pulled out the jacket, gloves and exchanged my big Nikon for a waterproof GoPro. And…it was steep. So with the exertion, there was sweat and yet the biting cold wind, my body struggled to regulate temperature.
“It was an unforgiving environment with steep mountains and changeable weather. I felt the nature energies unapologetic for their strength, unwilling to temper their power. This is who we are. Deal with it, is what I heard as I climbed. I thought….Oh, great!”
And it did feel like I was shown the incredible power of the spirits of nature. There was no touchy-feely sweet little faery energy. This was the unabashed, unleashed, in-your-face experience of the elementals.
I did okay until I got near the summit, even with wind whipping around me and fog mixed with sleet beginning to blanket the summit. Even now, a year later, as I write this I feel the fear of mis-stepping, slipping on the wet rocks. I was alone and the conditions were deteriorating fast. At least Gabriela could alert someone if I failed to return to the car.
I began to wonder if I should continue. The signs warned to not turn around, to keep moving forward on the one-way trail but the summit appeared to be a very narrow ledge and with winds increasing and fog hovering the wisdom of moving forward was questioned.
I met a guy hiking up the trail after I turned around. He stopped me to inquire about the conditions. He said he had tried to summit many mountains nearby in his travels and each time the weather had turned him back. He was determined to make it….I hope he did. Another time, I will make it to the 445 meter high mountain and finish the loop.