Home in the Sky
Sometimes it’s easy to dwell in the littleness of life…or even get stuck there. When we feel stress or anxiety the tendency is to curl up in our little space with a blanket and binge-watch crappy television. At least that’s what I do sometimes. As the mind focuses on the chaos of (fill in the ______) it seems safer to be small because the chaos feels so big.
The Perseid Meteor event pulled me out of my little bubble and an amazing gift unfolded as I found myself immersed in the present–not in my head chasing mental rabbits down endless holes.
Friends of mine have a beach house in a relatively dark section of beach and they allow me to go there to photograph the night sky. Last evening found me standing in white, soft sand wondering if the heavy cloud cover would remain as darkness fell. “I came here to see meteors,” I exclaimed.
Maybe it was the polite way I asked for a window to see stars or just a weird beach phenomena….but a pathway to the stars opened and a bank of clouds held just east of Mars to allow viewing of the vast night sky.
After tiring of standing and craning my neck with the tripod, I adjusted the legs to a short extension and laid on the sand under the tripod. With my cable release wrapped around a tripod leg, I could lay on my back, watch stars, take long exposures and adjust the settings from a most relaxed point of view.
Taking long exposures with my camera always brings me to a place of stillness as 20, 25, 30 seconds pass. I can’t move or walk away….just have to stand (or in my case laying) in stillness as the heavens expand overhead.
There was one amazing shooting star with a bright sprinkle of star dust that trailed over the Gulf of Mexico and there were smaller ones that zipped quickly through the night sky…and that was amazing. But the real show for me was the Milky Way as it emerged from the darkening sky.
The Earth Mother supported me in my rest and opening to the endless depths of space and stars and I felt layers of worries fall away as I focused on the bigness of the Universe. Bigness….such an understatement.
By surrendering to something greater than me, I found profound peace. Allowing the depth of the Universe to touch me and awaken me, I found home again….in the sky….in myself….beyond….beyond….beyond.
Do you dare look? Can you bear the grief? Sea turtle nearly decapitated by propeller. Children ripped from their parents. Whales dead full of plastic. This takes courage friends. To deny our grief is to make ourselves sick. The planet is suffering. All life is suffering. So what can we do?
The face of suffering is evident every day whether we watch the news or read it or listen on the radio. From every direction we are made aware of the destruction. Perhaps our natural inclination is to look away, but not because we don’t care. Perhaps, as Joanna Macy says, it’s because we don’t know what to do with our grief and we feel overwhelmed.
Last night I dreamed I was helping a sea turtle whose throat had been slit. This morning, on sea turtle nest patrol, I came upon a critically endangered Kemp’s Ridley sea turtle whose neck had been nearly severed from an apparent propeller strike. Even in my dreams they reach out asking for help. And so today, I share this turtle’s story and use it to illustrate the bigger story happening in the world and with every one of us.
Lately in meditation I have received the same message repeatedly….be emotionally honest. I’ve shrugged off the idea because who wants to hear it? I don’t even want to. But with the recent suicide of Anthony Bourdain I thought perhaps it’s exactly what people need to hear…so they wouldn’t feel alone in their pain.
For the past twelve years I have dedicated my life to documenting and sharing beauty…and destruction…of our beautiful planet. The Deepwater Horizon Disaster awakened me to get serious about the work and after a year spent documenting seven beaches along the Alabama coast I was an emotional wreck. I was angry and broken-hearted. I saw people turn away once the well was capped….and I thought that event would awaken humanity to rise up and be planetary stewards.
When people ‘went back to sleep’ I was so frustrated. So angry. Still brokenhearted.
In an effort to heal my brokenness, I attended a week-long intensive with Joanna Macy. She’s an eco-philosopher, Buddhist scholar and created a body of work called, The Work That Reconnects. I found, during that week of healing, a strong desire to document beauty. People don’t turn away from beauty…maybe that would help generate planetary stewardship.
I returned to North Carolina determined to continue the work in a bigger way….write more, create more books, take more photographs, travel to experience beauty and power of the planet and its wildlife. My energy went into opening my heart more, my mind more and listening deeper to Nature, the Ocean…to Life.
Good things have come of that but when people comment positively about the work and say, It’s so cool that the work supports you financially….well, I smile and say….It doesn’t. Everything I have has gone into the work and I’ve made leaps of faith that would scare the strongest soul. I’ve never been ‘in’ the work to make money…but rather to give to the planet my heart, mind, talents. All of who I am and what I have is ear-marked for Mother Earth.
Living on the edge like this has allowed me to experience joy, wonder, gratitude, as well as fear and anxiety…society says, Play it safe, but my Path says, Leap.
Nobody promised the journey to wholeness would be easy, that the Path would demand anything less than my complete attention…not only to that which I am called to do but to my self as well. When we ignore the feelings they don’t go away. They build and get stronger.
Last week I joined an online book club with Joanna Macy and many others about her book, Active Hope. As I sat at my computer looking at faces looking back at me through computer screens… people that love and care for the planet….and listening to Joanna share, I felt such a sense of relief. I realized how very alone I have felt in this journey of dedicated work. Yes, there have been people in my life but I’ve never been truthful about the despair I feel for our planet. I keep it superficial because….maybe I felt a strong person makes a good leader. People aren’t always comfortable with emotions. I don’t think that anymore….I suspect powerful leaders are those who are emotionally honest and have the courage to share with others their experience of pain– that are willing to risk opening the heart to reveal truth. Anthony Bourdain’s suicide yesterday really spot-lighted that truth.
So here’s my emotional honesty….I feel despair about humanity’s destruction of our planet. The grief is so strong that I have ‘armored’ myself so I don’t feel grief….which cuts me off from the work and people willing to help. After documenting the oil spill I lost my ability to accept simple pleasures for a few years. My heart breaks every day when I see cruelty. I cannot pretend everything is okay in the world. And…I have a deep and abiding trust that Spirit is guiding me, even when I feel afraid. I am determined to heal whatever needs healing within myself to become whole…for with that wholeness comes the ability to channel more love and light into the world. I am passionately in love with this planet. She is my Beloved. Nothing comes before the work I feel called to do….nothing.
A parting thought….Joanna said this the other night during our cyber meeting: “Let the strengths of that which we love pour through us as grace.” When we remember we have a dynamic relationship with that which calls us, we feel less alone. When we surrender and allow that strength to move through us we stay centered in our Higher Selves and let ego rest. Joanna also said, “Don’t be afraid of the suffering of your world.”
In this journey to wholeness we are called to adventure and face trials and tests. We experience dismemberment of our lives–our hopes and dreams–and wander in the desert of our own lives. We sacrifice things we have accumulated….material possessions but also emotions and thoughts that have possessed us. All of this is laid down with love, with gratitude, in order to clear the way for something ‘more.’ We are resurrected and become dancers of the world, masters of our inner world and our outer lives. And then….then, my friends…we are able to fully embody the light within and do our good work in the world in miraculous ways.
As I reflect back on my life, the promise I made to follow my heart’s calling has been the most prominent method of determining each next step. Oh, how I wish there was a black and white formula that could be easily shared with people to determine each next step…but it involves more than carefully calculated rational thought processes. Much of the journey of the soul is discerned through the language of the heart, feelings and intuition.
Helen Keller wrote, “Life is a daring adventure or nothing.” Perhaps there is no greater truth about the Journey.
A few months ago I begin to question aloud…Where? When? And the resounding answer every time was, Wait…you will have more information in March…just wait and you will know.”
I had a book signing scheduled in Crystal River, Florida March 17th and while there…at the book signing….felt the stuck energy of the past several years ‘whoosh’ open. WHOOSH! Something shifted within me and I knew that the long-awaited answer was beginning to be answered.
I stayed a night with a friend on the way back home about two hours north of Crystal River and remembered how much I love the area around High Springs and Ft White. But….really? Florida?
After arriving home I was significantly freaked out. I thought I would be moving locally, downsizing to a smaller home and staying in the area…and that may be the case. But the energy is opening towards the freshwater springs of Florida. And as I type this fear begins to rise. It’s one thing to keep it in my head and another to share it with the world before I am 100% sure.
The other day my mom and I were texting about decisions we are both making. In an effort to encourage her to follow her heart, I told her if I had listened to all the negative comments people had and their judgments about my life and the decisions I’ve made through the years, I would never have created the work I’ve put out into the world. But it’s challenging not to listen when people begin giving you their opinions and telling you what’s best for your life. So fears arise when I share something that might happen….because everybody has an opinion….
Show me, is my prayer. How can I serve this magnificent planet? Where can my work best take root and grow? 
As I was floating in the water–surrounded by sleeping manatees–while at Crystal River a few weeks ago, I heard myself saying, I don’t spend enough time in the water. I listened to what I heard myself saying.
My work is centered on our Ocean planet….water. Being underwater or in the water is imperative to the work I am called to do and being able to be in or under the water on any and every day is what feels like the exact right next step in my life’s Journey.
What’s your next step?