How Do I Love?

The Sunday morning sea turtle patrol began so soft, so beautiful. Arriving at the east end of the wildlife refuge, I paused to give thanks for wild places and lands that are set aside for wildlife. So calm and still was the air, so peaceful that soft, white sand…I felt immediate inner calm.

Within moments of reaching the edge of saltwater, where land and sea meet, an immediate diffuse glow of rose illuminated the clouds and swept over water. I paused to take a few photographs with my phone and record a short video to share. And then suddenly the sky turned gray. Not long afterwards, so did my mood.

My phone buzzed with a text from my friend and team leader Sherry. She needed help in another section. A nest had hatched several days early and very unexpectedly and tiny tracks led everywhere except the water, where they needed to go. Being only a third of the way through my mile and a half patrol, I texted a friend who lives in the same section who would be helping track the turtles and asked her to pick me up at my exit point. Then I kicked into high gear.

The sand was super-soft this morning so walking was difficult but I had to get finished quickly so I started running while looking for nesting tracks. It felt like quicksand even in my 5-Finger running shoes but I managed to do what felt like a bull-doze run to finish.

When Cathy and I arrived at the house, the weekly renters saw us and started directing us to hatchlings that had come under the house in which they were staying. There were tiny sea turtle tracks everywhere…everywhere except where they were supposed to be. I followed the inch-and-a-half wide tracks to find babies dead and covered with fire ants. They had crawled under the house, into the driveway, into the roadway, near ghost crab holes, over dunes and dunes and dunes but mostly the largest group went due east toward the bright condo lights of Gulf Shores. And so….with foxes and ghost crabs and other predators…well, you know.

With a heavy heart I helped in the recovery efforts of those precious ones that died due to fire ants. I, along with four other teammates, followed tracks as they zig-zagged…obviously trying desperately to find their way to the sea. Intermixed with baby turtle tracks were fox tracks and ghost crabs. As I gently picked up the still-soft bodies, my salt-water tears splashed, reminding me of the tears their mother shed as she laid her nest of hope.

Hope? Every nest is one of hope. Sea turtles are protected by the Endangered Species Act due to their threatened status. Our volunteer group originally began due to instances just like this where babies were crawling toward porch lights, street lights and condo lights rather than to the water. And sadly, most tourists have no idea that their lights cause such damage, even today when green shirts walk the Alabama shore every morning from May to September patrolling our shores for sea turtle tracks.

This nest hatched early without any of the usual signs of hatching so we weren’t there to act as midwives to the babies to guide them to water. In the dark of the night, they erupted in a frenzy with one intention: crawl home. Unfortunately I found only four tracks that led into the water but hopefully there were more. Out of probably 120 eggs, this was indeed a great loss.

As I was driving to have breakfast with two of my turtle friends, I listened to my heart as it tapped a steady rhythm of love for the turtles and yet I heard myself saying how much I disliked humanity for its careless destruction of all things innocent. I felt love for wildlife and wild things. And then…then I heard a question: How do I love? Is it possible to love sea turtle hatchlings passionately, deeply and yet close my heart to humanity?

The duality of the work I do haunts me. I love nature so deeply, so profoundly yet there’s the human element that always trips me up and causes frustration and anger to arise. Yet if I’m in a state of anger and frustration can I also–at the same time–love sea turtles, dolphins, whales…the Ocean? Oh…. I got it: it’s not possible to compartmentalize love.

It felt like a wise part of me awakened and said clearly: Love has no boundaries. You either love or you don’t.  The lyrics from Will Kimbrough‘s song Love is  the Solution started playing in my mind: “Love the sinner, love the sin.” For the first time, in a long time, I understood. I got it. Thank you sea turtles who continually take me to the depths of who I am and meet me there in the shadows, in the light. And Will…thanks for a song that sums it up perfectly.

If we truly open our hearts in love, we don’t have the option of choosing who or what receives our love. Love is the answer. It is the solution. It is everything.

Lyrics to Love is the Solution by Will Kimbrough:

Love is the solution
Love your neighbors; love your friends
Love yourself if you can bear it
Love and laugh and heal and mend

Love is all that matters
Love the rainy days
Love will set your soul afire
Love will take your pain away

Love the rich and powerful 
Love the poor and meek
Love the jerk who honks in traffic
Love the carnival geek

Love is all there really is 
Love unlocks your mind
Love will make a fool of you
So love the fool in kind

Love is all your really need 
Love is all you’ll find
Love is the solution
Love the traffic lights and signs

Love the lovers loving
Love the park bench where they kiss
Love everything you fear the most 
And love the fear you miss

Love the warrior and the preacher
Love the grumpy old men
Love the sun and moon and stars
Love the sinner; love the sin

Love the garbage in the gutter
Love the gutter; love the drunks
Love your father; love your mother
Love your babies; love the punks