I was reminded today that each of us has our own, unique voice. Words you use might be different from those I choose. But that doesn’t matter. Each of us has our own muse, our own connection to whatever it is that motivates us to allow our voices to be heard. The challenge is to allow our words to move out into the world without filtering the message wanting to be birthed through us.

My words today–I find myself anxiously awaiting news from my beloved birth place in coastal Alabama. The winds are shifting and moving the oil to and fro and frustration is growing as nobody can tell for sure where it will make landfall. It’s like a hurricane–a major destructive force that is going to hit somewhere but nobody knows where for sure.

As I email and chat with friends and family from the Gulf Coast they, also, feel as if they are waiting for a hurricane. But this won’t be over in a day or two and cleanup will take longer than a year or two. The oil flow cleanup will effect the coastal regions of the Gulf of Mexico for many years, possibly decades.

I wonder what residents of  my home county are feeling today. I wonder what they would say if given the opportunity. What would they tell their neighbors or scientists working on the oil flow? Censoring the words longing to be birthed helps nobody. Each of us has a voice inside, a light within…why hide that?

I realize I am taking the oil flow/spill and the resulting environmental catastrophe very personally. I was discussing this with a friend over the weekend. I suppose the best response I have is, ‘How can I not take it personally? I feel a part of the ocean.’

Walking upright doesn’t separate me from the ocean in the deepest sense. Every time I slip under the water while scuba diving I feel as if I am finally home. I am comfortable and at ease and greet the sea turtles, tiny blennies and other ocean creatures with gratitude and delight. When I hover in stillness and calm, different fish and even sea turtles will approach me and stay around me. I always feel a communion happening between us.

So yes, I do take it personally that this is happening as I feel it is home to me and in a very real sense it is home to creatures I consider part of my family.  But I do not want to get stuck in a blame game. Yes, there are people responsible and they will pay for their mistakes from a financial level and in other ways I am sure. But I want to ask one simple question: What can I do to make a difference? Rather than point fingers outward I want to challenge myself to be involved in the solution, whatever my role in it is.

I believe this is an opportunity for humans to learn to work in partnership with each other and with Earth. Latest figures show that there are 10,000 employees working on this crisis. There are 275 vessels working and one million feet of boom being used. 3.5 million gallons of oil/water mix have been recovered.

For today, here is what I can do to make a difference….ask one question to the ‘powers that be.’ Given the fact that the toxic effects of the dispersant are unknown on the marine environment and the toxic effects of oil are known, why have 325,000 gallons of dispersant been used? That’s a lot of toxic waste to dump into the marine environment with unknown side effects. And why would consideration be given to using the other 500,000 gallons of dispersant that is available? There was already a dead zone in the Gulf of Mexico before the spill. Are we not running the risk of creating a monstrous dead zone that would wipe out an entire ecosystem by using this chemical with unknown toxic effects?

Is is possible for us to pay attention to how the ocean naturally deals with toxins, such as oil, and work within the same model? I believe there are answers to be discovered by simply watching, observing the natural way the ocean cleanses itself and them assist it in its own, natural process. I heard one scientist comment, when asked about the dispersant being toxic and what her concerns were….she said, “I guess it depends on whether you are a sea bird or a fish.” If the oil floats, it is more likely to get on birds. If it sinks due to the dispersant, fish and the underwater environment are more likely to be affected.

Sometimes we have the idea if something is not visible then everything is okay. But let us remain vigilant and remember that oil in the marine environment is toxic whether it is a slick on the surface, or in billions of particles coating everything underwater.  Let’s ask questions and keep this a personal issue because ultimately we are all connected to everything in this web of life–this web of light. And ultimately each of us has to be part of the solution.

One of my friends keeps reminding me to breathe. I hadn’t realized that I’d been holding my breath but looking back on the past couple of weeks, I realize I had been. Yesterday I was finally able to inhale and exhale fully and finally the tears came.

Since I view nature as my wisest teacher and the components of nature  as my friends, hearing that twenty sea turtles were seen dead on a beach in Louisiana broke me and I wept for their suffering. I wept for the hole they leave and for the many other innocent creatures whose only mistake was being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

For the ignorance of the humans that create such possibility for disasters, I weep. For the greed and short-signtedness of all of us who, in some way, allowed this to happen, I weep.

My prayer is for the consciousness of all of us to expand and rise up so there is a massive jump forward in our collective ability to love and care for our planet. I believe we can do it and in the process create a better world.

When the oil rig blew out on April 20th sea water rocketed 240 feet into the air before methane gas and oil followed. Over 210,000 gallons of crude oil is flowing into the water each day. There are over 4500 personnel responding to the Horizon Oil Spill and at least 2500 volunteers. A four story, 100 ton concrete and steel vault was lowered over the main oil flow onto the floor of the Gulf of Mexico at a depth of 5000 feet yesterday. Almost 275,000 gallons of chemical dispersant has been used in the Gulf and the EPA says they really don’t know how toxic the dispersants are to the marine environment but they continue to apply thousands of gallons each day.

Eleven men lost their lives and more were seriously injured.

The oil rig costs BP $500,000 per day to contract from the owner, Transocean, the world’s largest offshore drilling company. The cost to operate the rig during the course of production is $1,000,000 per day…yes,  one million dollars per day.

Worldwide there are more than 4000 rigs working at depths up to 6000 feet. The deepest offshore rig, Shell Oil’s Perdido Spar, is operating in nearly 8000 feet of water in the Gulf of Mexico. 16,000 spills occur every year in U.S. coastal waters but most slip by unnoticed.

According to Dr. Sylvia Earle, “After the Exxon Valdez oil spill only 4% of the oil spilled was recovered during the critically important three weeks following the accident. Hundreds of sea otters died, thousands of sea birds died and billions of small creatures quietly died as a consequence of human error exacerbated by human indifference.” In 1991, in an act of ecoterrorism Saddam Hussein ordered the release of 500 million gallons of oil into the Persian Gulf after Iraq lost the war with Kuwait. 8% of that oil was recovered.

These are simply statistics and numbers from the recent past–1989 through today. We don’t know the lost income from fisherman and others who depend on a healthy environment to earn a living. We don’t know how many animals will die or how many people will get sick from fumes and exposure to toxic chemicals. When you begin to do the number crunching, it just doesn’t add up.

But rather than stay stuck in the gloom and doom, we can empower ourselves by taking steps to make a difference. The hair salon I use is saving hair they usually throw away and they are sending it to a non-profit who uses it to make oil-absorbing booms and mats. People along the coast are receiving training so they can safely help with cleanup efforts with the coastline and wildlife rescue and rehabilitation. Some are using anger to fuel positive changes, others are using prayer to ask for help and many are doing the day-to-day task of whatever their jobs call for through service in the Coast Guard, EPA, oil companies, local and state governments…..and the list grows.

The outcome of this tragedy is unknown because two flows are still occurring–but the smallest of the original three has been capped. This is a bit of good news. Dr. Earle says that up to half of oil spills will evaporate and there are naturally occurring bacteria and other microorganisms that can help break down some of the oil. She also reminds us that oil is organic, despite its toxic components, and it eventually breaks down if exposed to air. Small bits of hope to cling to but any bit of good serves to tip the scales against all the negatives.

Years ago my grandfather told me that the smell of cow manure or pig manure was the smell of money. It was one of the things we used to laugh about when driving along the country roads in coastal Alabama.

My mom emailed me this morning–she lives on Mobile Bay–and said the air had the stench of oil and neighbors living inland were calling to say they could smell it at their homes. It’s the smell of money, at least for the oil companies. That’s the smell that will permeate the entire region for months and most likely years.

May every whiff of oil be a reminder of the cost we pay, the cost the environment and animals pay, for offshore oil drilling. May we remember to demand oil companies use safety features that can prevent such catastrophic events no matter what the cost to the oil company. May the smell of money force us out of our collective complacency to stand up for what is dear to us, for what is important and worth the effort.