The audience sat transfixed as these magicians created a work of beauty, of art, from scraps of glass–bits left over from other projects. Recycling at its best.
Adam Burgess
Adam Burgess and Kerry Parks took us through their process of glass making beginning with a flat sheet of bits of different colored glass. With careful heating, molding and blowing, these artists wove a spell of magic as they demonstrated the art of creation.
Fire of creation
As I watched the intense heat necessary it reminded me of the heat present when this planet was formed….magma, lava, hot gases spewing and the end result was this blue planet…this ocean planet.
Kerry Parks
And our lives too are created from the stress of intense events or heat and pressure that cause us to evolve into higher expressions of ourselves…or break into pieces if we choose not to grow. It seems so simple writing it here but the process of self-transformation is truly a journey of creation, of becoming.
I’m grateful for Kerry and Adam and their art that reminds me to allow the fire of purification to consume me, burn off the dross and create within myself something really, truly beautiful. We’re all works of art going through alchemical changes that help us become, in essence, who we already are.
This is NOT representative of this morning’s behavior from my darlings.
I awakened to soft thuds overhead. Cat play on carpet. I had been dreaming of a white vulture soaring overhead and waked in the middle of the dream. I lay there half awake wondering the meaning of such an unfamiliar symbol. Heady thoughts so early in the morning and soon interrupted by the thundering of cats down the stairway.
Gracie practiced her balance beam act on the footboard while Stanley practiced his gymnastic moves above me on the headboard. The hawk screeching outside my home and the combined acrobatics of my cat companions called me to get up and check the weather forecast.
Last night I read where high winds were predicted for today so when it was quiet outside I literally ran to put on my SUP boarding shorts and shirt and was out the door before coffee. I could smell the salt marsh far upriver so the wind announced itself with gentleness, prior to anything more than a whisper. By the time I reached the downriver side of Bemis Bay the ripples began. As I rounded the corner at Washer Woman’s Point, I saw and felt the beginnings of the ‘serious’ wind…but that wasn’t what really caught my attention.
Black vulture near Crystal River, FL
Perched on a cypress tree was a beautiful vulture, wings spread, heart facing the morning sun. Her wing feathers were white and so I remembered the dream. But I had the rest of my four mile paddle to complete and lucky for me, had a downwinder on the way back up river.
My experimental wall garden..the 2 x 4’s will be painted once they are dry
The rest of the day was spent putting together a project I’ve been dreaming of for weeks–designing and building a system to grow veggies and herbs on the east side of my home. Literally…on my home. It’s very sunny there, while the rest of my yard isn’t and the garage gets very hot in the summer so I wanted to install some sort of green wall to see if it would keep my garage from boiling during July and August.
My new bromeliad friends make the courtyard an even happier place
I would rather grow flowers because I simply have a thing for them. But my farmer genes nudge me to try my hand once again at growing food. My dad and grandfather would probably laugh at my vertical garden. And honestly, I bought more flowers—some outrageous bromeliads. I can’t help it. Can’t I live off of beauty? Do I really have to eat?
All through the day of building, possibly cursing at trying to hold 8 foot 2 x 4’s up while screwing them into the wall, attaching the boxes, planting the plants into the boxes….I kept thinking about the white vulture. When I finished my farmer-girl activities I ran upstairs and looked up ‘white vulture’ on my trusty internet search engine.
It is a symbol of the feminine in Egyptian mythology. In Pueblo mythology it is a symbol of restored harmony that had been broken. It is a symbol of the return of the self. (Pause…..and repeat please).
Photo of me probably 17 years ago….
How appropriate. How perfect. Since my father’s illness and death (when I was 21) I have been in a series of relationships with no gap between them. Recently I have done some deep healing as I find myself alone for the first time in 32 years. And I wanted to be alone as I found myself repeating the same old patterns. Sick of myself, I journeyed out on my own to heal. To grow. I couldn’t repeat the familiar behaviors anymore. It was deadening.
At this almost year mark of my time with only me and my baggage, I find myself dreaming of white vultures and realizing that I am discovering who I am…I had never given myself space or time to figure that out and in some ways had remained the wounded young woman throughout my relationships. How appropriate that in my time of conscious healing, the goddess of feminine energy pays me a dreamtime visit.
Self-portrait 2013
After all these years I am finally healing the old wounds. I have no idea where this new-found wholeness will take me but I’m guessing it has something to do with growing flowers or morphing into a vulture….once I figure it out I’ll let you know.
Attachment: “A feeling that binds one to a person, thing, cause, ideal, or the like; devotion; regard: a fond attachment to his cousin; a profound attachment to the cause of peace” (dictionary.com).
One of the most difficult lessons I have learned is to let go of expectations. It started with my work as a state park naturalist many years ago. With deep love and passion for nature, it was difficult to watch as politics won over nature so many times. Environmental education was barely funded while other programs–the money-makers–were funded. I struggled with the question: How can you place a monetary value on environmental stewardship?
Then as a practicing psychotherapist I struggled with my attachment to clients understanding their issues and working to resolve them instead of expecting me to use a magic wand to make them feel better. (Draw circle on wall, bang head….).
Armondo, an artist in Akumal, Mexico, creates beauty on his property
And again, as a massage therapist and energy work practitioner, my attachment to clients taking responsibility for their health–physical, mental, emotional and spiritual–caused such turmoil that I invented a new kind of therapy. I called it Slap Therapy. And of course it was a joke that I shared with students and colleagues but in reality I was trying to work out my frustration through humor.
But it doesn’t stop there…no, this pattern continued. I want people to love the planet. I want them to feel their own value and worth. I want them to treasure themselves and the planet and place self-care and planetary care at the top of their to-do list. And so forth…until finally I realized that the only way to find peace within myself (and therefore model that which I am wanting to help create) was to end my attachment to anyone ever gaining understanding or waking up to their own beauty. If I base personal joy and contentment on other’s actions I’ve got some long, frustrating years ahead of me.
Mantee interacting with woman at Three Sister’s Springs
Can I be detached and still have passion, feel love and continue on the path? Can I let go of ego and surrender to simply loving for the sake of loving?
Sunset at Gulf Shores, Alabama
Can I continue the work, the love, the expression of beauty I experience without knowing if it is received?
I recently discovered that all I have ever wanted (since childhood) was for the love I feel for others, animals and the planet to be received. And truly, the only way I know to experience that wish coming true is simply to keep loving, regardless. I will always love but I am no longer attached to knowing this love is received. (deep breath….heavy sigh). Perhaps the biggest magical transformation in life is to let go of all attachments to what we want the most and simply keep practicing, keep loving.
Orchid…their faces amaze me
It is the flow of love itself that is my focus. It is not conditional. It is not a faucet that can be turned on and off. It is a state of being that I choose each day, every moment. No matter what. That’s all I’ve really ever wanted.
Curious about the SUP board, the juvenile says hello.
It is no secret to anyone who knows me that my best friends are finned or flippered, feathered or furred. My heart is touched by an encounter with wild dolphins or a gentle nuzzle of a manatee in ways that surpass any human connection. Maybe that’s why men I’ve shared my life with have moved on…never content to come second after my love of wild animals. Connection with all creatures wild is my Communion, a way to rise above the mundane and connect deeper, more fully with beings more evolved than humans. (Personal bias).
Today I received an early-morning call from a friend and she tearfully expressed her love of the woods surrounding her home was about to be logged, destroyed so the landowner could purchase a vehicle for his son. How can you put a price like that on a sacred woodland? When will humans learn that the planet is not a commodity to be pillaged, a land to rape for spoils but rather a sacred cathedral?
The mentality of profit at any cost is not a luxury we can afford any longer.
Joanna Macy’s teachings come to mind. She explains the necessary evolution from a life-taking society to a life-sustaining society. We are in a time of moving from a profit-at-any-cost world to a life-sustaining world. We are in the middle of the dissolution of the old way and are awakening to the reality of the mess we’re in economically, socially, environmentally. And within the mess, within the reality of how we have treated the planet and each other, we find positive change occurring. Many, many people are choosing to act from a place of responsibility, a place of compassion and love. We are waking up to the idea that it is possible to live in balance with respect for all life.
Wildlife reminds me of the connection we have to the whole. The manatees scarred by propellers remind me that humans still have a huge impact on fragile species, that we have done great harm to our planet. And when I see volunteers paddling their kayaks, overseeing interactions with these gentle beings and acting as protectors, hope is refueled.
While snorkeling recently, a juvenile manatee came to me and demanded my attention. My goal is passive observation, in or out of the water, but while filming them, one insisted on connecting face-to-face and drew me out from behind the camera. He swam in front of me, stopped and I felt his gentle spirit guiding me to remove the camera from between us and commune, one wild heart to another. I gently placed my hand aside his face and channeled as much love as I could to him and his kind. And I listened in silence to him.
In those moments we were one with each other. There was no me, no him. In that neutral stillness was birthed understanding. Deep, profound understanding.
As we parted, sobs wracked my body and soul for the trust demonstrated by a species so abused and wounded by humans. The future of this planet is in our hands. That is both frightening and empowering. What will we do to create a better world? Will we do anything?
It can start with daily communion with the natural world. Let it show us our next step each day.
He checked out my dry suit, my fins, my snorkel, my camera…always learning more about humans, these little ones.
Over the years there has been a narrowing of focus. I steadfastly have endeavored to serve and help humanity evolve, with the end goal of promoting planetary stewardship. Sound idealistic? Unrealistic? Did I drink hemlock-spiked egg nog?
Paying attention, listening, being still with a calm mind….little tools we can use to help us find our way. And as we progress through our trials, dead-ends, and times lacking in joy, and surrender to our life’s calling, we become more content.
My personal journey has led me deeper into beauty, most significantly the beauty found in nature. The glance of a pelican as it soars past, the gaze from a shark as it swims alongside, a sea turtle hatchling gazing up at me as she scoots past….the whisper of trees as they sway in the wind and countless moments spent outdoors call me to recognize beauty, to champion it and to celebrate it.
Over the years I’ve struggled with direction and purpose and wandering…and wondering. It comes down to this simple truth for me: Beauty is my passion. It is my sincerest desire to translate it to others through photography and writing. With no agenda, no push to make others see….because without this expression my life dries up and I feel off course.
What is your passion? How does it influence your life?
I’m grateful for Kerry and Adam and their art that reminds me to allow the fire of purification to consume me, burn off the dross and create within myself something really, truly beautiful. We’re all works of art going through alchemical changes that help us become, in essence, who we already are.
What is your passion? How does it influence your life?