Category: Relationships

Years Pass, Love Remains

Years Pass, Love Remains

dadThirty-two years ago my father transitioned from his physical body. He was in his early forties and had been sick for many years. The memories of him seem distant now, faded like old photographs.

I was a senior at Auburn, my brother still in high school when he died. I remember my grandfather telling me, years later, that he wished he could have gone before daddy because the grief was so terrible. He said even worse than that of losing his spouse…our grandmother…after over 60 years of marriage.

When someone we love leaves, a hole is left in our being. No matter the cause or how long the illness lasts or if it is sudden, losing someone is difficult, it’s painful and we’re left behind trying to make sense of life.

Part 4 Image 14 (2)At my daughter’s wedding this past summer I thought of how my father would have loved seeing Emily and Kevin get married. He never got to meet Emily….or her cousins. Or see me graduate from college.

The morning of my college graduation I woke up before everyone else and felt my father there….strongly. I had no doubt he had come to congratulate me. It was only six months after he had passed.

With Christmas being 15 days after his passing, less than two weeks after his funeral, none of us felt in the spirit; however, mom and my brother came to Auburn, where I lived at the time, and we celebrated the holiday as best we could. It was a difficult Christmas.

In an illness that is lengthy and mysterious and debilitating as was my dad’s, all the attention is placed on on the patient, the one that is sick. And of course that makes sense. But the hero in my father’s struggles was my mother. She managed to work a demanding, stressful job at the post office, put one kid through college and help the other graduate from high school during the worst of dad’s illness. That’s what parents have to do isn’t it? Keep on going for their children.

Part 1 Image 27 (14)We never really talked about his illness and at the time there wasn’t much available as far as family counseling, grief counseling. Each of us did the best we could. My grandfather and other men cared for my father while mom was at work, when he got too sick to be alone. I was at Auburn, Lance in high school. And mom juggled it all.

When I got the call that he had passed, I had just finished my final exams the day before. Mom had gotten new tires on her car, at his request. I supposed he was tending to those last details, exercising what little control he had, remaining in his body until he could slip away peacefully, his mind at ease, his family as prepared as could be.

simonelipscomb (1)I’m not sure I’ve ever thanked my mother for being such a strong force during those years. I am so grateful for her strength and dedication to my father, to our family. So while I think of my father, it’s my mother I want to remember especially today. And thank her for everything she did for us…and continues to do.

A Precious Gift

A Precious Gift

1985....Emily loved the water from the beginning. Wonder why....ha!
1985….Emily loved the water from the beginning. Wonder why….ha!

In less than a week now my daughter will be married.

I have to give that sentence room to breathe. She and Kevin have been together for years but very soon we will be coming together to celebrate their lives and their decision to create a life together. I couldn’t be happier that Kevin is her chosen life partner.

simonelipscombEmily was born at noon on a Monday after twelve hours of labor. As I held her, moments after she was born, I recognized the strong feeling of love that poured through me. Life that had grown within my body was now present and about to be disconnected when the cord that joined us was severed.

But is a mother ever really separated from her child?

When I was pregnant I played piano to Emily and she would kick. I continued the practice after she arrived....
When I was pregnant I played piano to Emily and she would kick. I continued the practice after she arrived….

Whispers of each other’s heartbeat reverberates through the soul as mother and child journey through life. Sometimes apart physically, yet forever joined by blood….and something more. I remember hearing Billy Ocean’s song, Suddenly, while I was in the hospital. “This love is everlastingLife has new meaning to me, there is beauty up above and things we never take notice of. You wake up and suddenly you’re in love.” Holding her in my arms for the first time I knew that I had never really felt love before meeting her.

Emily meeting my Appaloosa pal, Tommy.
Emily meeting my Appaloosa pal, Tommy.

The birth of my daughter catapulted me onto a path of growth. It wasn’t pretty–this clawing and sweating journey to wholeness. No. Not pretty at all. I screwed up as a mother, as a wife and made more mistakes than I ever want to admit to myself, much less publicly confess to, yet my love for Emily never wavered. I credit my precious baby girl as being the catalyst that directed me to my spiritual path.

simonelipscomb (7)Never the smothering mother type, I was able to give my daughter space in which to grow into her potential without undue, un-requested influence from me. I laughingly say I studied counseling in graduate school so I could help her grow up without squashing her spirit.

simonelipscomb (3)She was a strong-willed, precocious kid but in a most charming way. Adventuresome, self-disciplined, driven to do whatever it took to achieve her goals from two to twenty-eight….this is my daughter. Not once did I have to nag her about her school work. The kindergarten teacher’s only complaint was that Emily completed her work too quickly. And maybe that she talked too much. Boredom was her biggest challenge. (Note to Kevin…boredom was her biggest challenge).

Graduation from Auburn University
Graduation from Auburn University

When we went wedding dress shopping in November with Kevin’s mom, my mom, and my niece (her maid of honor) I was totally shocked that I started crying when we walked into the bridal shop. Me? Cry about Emily getting married? I excused myself to the restroom and gathered my emotions into a tidy basket of surprise and the rest of the day went wonderfully. So even though she has been on her own for several years and she and Kevin have already established a loving home together, there is still something about the celebration with 130 of their closest relatives and friends that makes this a big deal…besides the crowd of well-wishers.

simonelipscomb (19)In a couple days I fly to their home to help in the last minute preparations. I have the dress and high-heels, my camera and yes, I purchased waterproof mascara.

simonelipscomb (9)A child is a most precious gift. Thank you Emily for being my daughter. You taught me how to love.

Kevin and Emily
Kevin and Emily

 

Message in a Bottle

Message in a Bottle

simonelipscomb (16)Perhaps the biggest and worst surprise of my life is that the relationship with a good man–with whom I thought I’d spend the rest of my life–dissolved…ended. I haven’t seen him in more than a year and the ghosts of who we were, when we were happy together, roam the corridors of my heart.

One of my strongest desires in this life is to have a life partner with whom to grow and play and with whom a strong bond of love will carry us through changes, trials and challenges. And yet….here I am with this heart full of love not knowing what to do with it. When a relationship ends, especially if it ends amicably, where does the love go?

It’s not like I sit around and whine and cry and gnash my teeth. Nothing like that. Life is good for me. I laugh, have fun, enjoy life. Yet I long for a partner–a spiritual, emotional, playful, fun-loving partner. So I’ve been diving deep within myself lately and doing the work on myself and asking, ever so gently, for this partnership to arrive…when the time is right.

RumiquoteYesterday was spent painting my bedroom and bathroom a most beautiful, soothing color to brighten the center of my home. This soft color and lighter drapes give a fresh, open feel to my space. All day long I painted with the intention to let go of anything holding me back from being fully open to love flowing within my heart…within my being. Within my life. To dissolve all internal barriers that keep love from me. As I told my husband before we parted, “I’m not going out there looking for love. It will have to find me.”

simonelipscomb (2)This morning as I was walking the beach during my sea turtle nest patrol I saw a square bottle that had just washed onshore. As I walked to it I noticed paper inside. WOW! I thought, A real message in a bottle.

I stuck it in my pack and continued my walk. Savoring the mystery, waiting until the time was right to sit and open it, was my plan.

Breakfast with turtle friends at the beach, a drive back to the house and as I scurried to get a shower before meeting more friends in Fairhope, the bottle caught my attention. Oh! I forgot you, I said. I had a few minutes to spare so I sat with it.

simonelipscomb (13)I uncorked it and carefully began removing the contents. A sweet perfume filled the air. The first thing I unrolled was a Maya Angelou poem. Next came a Yin-Yang symbol with hearts in the swishes. Then a tiny photograph of  a home on the beach. The final item was larger and quite tightly-rolled and stuffed into the bottle. I didn’t want to damage it so it took a bit of engineering but I finally got it out. It was a prayer–a beautiful prayer–that was obviously part of a wedding ceremony. Or life commitment ceremony.

As the beauty of the intention came into focus I thought back to a prayer I said at my altar just yesterday morning before staring my home transformation: When the time is right please bring my partner to me. And then I let it go after saying a BIG thank-you.

simonelipscomb (6)The strength of the couple’s love deeply touched me. Their message was to God and somehow at 5.45am this morning it was directed to me. And that was a God-thing, too. Anything could have been in the bottle….but this prayer, this lifting of hearts to Source was exquisite and sacred. And affirming.

The right man will arrive when the time is right. That came in loud and clear when the Universe sent me a message this morning….in a bottle no less. This treasure will serve as a reminder of great things yet to come. I am already deeply grateful.

Isn’t life amazing?