The wind whips my hair as I stand gazing into the ocean. The hot sun feels as if it is baking exposed skin. But the layers of blue and green call to me and I surrender my mind to the elemental forces.
Perhaps it is the fierce wind that constantly molds trees and shore that speaks to me. Or maybe the indigo-turquoise salty liquid feeds me. Or the cactus that accentuates the rugged, rocky landscape. Surely it is a combination of these wild elements that calls me back again and again.
The diving is wonderful but there are many places where diving is excellent. No, my friends it is much more that beckons me to return. My soul finds a home here amid the dry, barren landscape that is filled with life…..and under the sea frolicking with eagle rays and mantas, dolphins and squid.
Perhaps the thing I love about this island is that it provides a perfect mirror to my inner world and gives me a glimpse into the tenacity of life and the unboundedness of beauty.
Rumor had it that there was a rogue manta ray swimming around dive sites in Bonaire. The ocean is a big place though so I laughed about the possibility while secretly wishing it would happen. Mantas are pelagic animals–deep sea creatures so what were the odds of one hanging out the exact week I am here?
So imagine my surprise, when driving down the narrow, water-hugging road, to glance at the brilliant turquoise water and see the small dorsal fin and wing tips of the phantom manta.
After a quick u-turn we parked the truck and grabbed our fins and masks. Still in wetsuits from the last dive, we ran to the water and carefully stepped over reef, that fringes the shores, into the salty realm.
One of our group got a face-to-face with our new best buddy. The other two of us were not as lucky. So on we drove to our next dive site. Our compensation for missing a close encounter of the manta ray kind was three eagle rays feeding on the sandy bottom. I was close enough to see the smile of contentment on ones face after finding an especially tasty morsel.
After surfacing and finally peeling out of our wetsuits we headed for a very late lunch. We were happy….four squid, three eagle rays, huge grouper, tiny spotted drum, eels, blue water…salt…relaxed dive team. How could it get better?
But then there he was again! Like a flash we peeled out out of the truck. The guy who had already had his moment with our rock star manta stayed with the truck while the two of us who it still wanted an audience with him grabbed boots, fins and masks and headed out.
We were not disappointed. Each of us had our moment of delight.
Beauty of motion, flow, grace, hugeness gliding through the water in a most amazing dance of ocean greatness.
Where are the photographs you ask? The viz hasn’t been that great so the camera was back in the condo–sleeping. My heart was wide open even though my lens was not. And in case you are wondering….it isn’t a fish story. This really happened.
From a place of deep relaxation a vision emerged. I was in a vast Ocean, deep indigo in color and filled with beautiful creatures. A huge humpback whale echo-located me and swam very close. Harpoons with explosives sought him and massive nets and I urged him to swim away and escape. The ship came closer and closer and as his mate I urged him to dive deep. He constantly put himself in harm’s way to help others. In a frenzy, I swam trying to push his massive body down, deep into the blue depths. He sang to me and in pictures I saw his body taken into the ship that hunted him and watched as it took him apart, piece by piece. The thought came….people will pick his bones clean until there is nothing left.
And with one last surge of energy, I rammed him as the ship hit me. He was free but I was broken.
My whale body sank into the Void yet my consciousness remained. In that moment I knew that the essence of who I am lived on. It was love that drew me to him and love that kept me there. It was love that blocked the ship and kept it from breaking him.
I heard whale song and ocean sounds and felt total peace. Complete peace. As I opened myself to love, all fear disappeared.
And I knew that love is everything, in everything and available in endless supply. And because of this, I have everything I need. This is an abundant world of love.
My gigantic whale heart could hold love in unimaginable quantities and be a channel for it….for life force that is, in essence, love. What keeps us from swimming in this endless supply of love with conscious awareness? Are we so afraid of losing our ‘self’ or ego that we hold back and refuse to let the fires of love consume us, transform us?
I drifted back from this place of surrender, this place of unlimited abundant love, into my human form. With much to ponder I spent time in silence, listening and writing.
Love is like an ocean of vast immensity and we are like fish swimming in this limitless ocean begging for water. We forget we already have love and therefore, everything we will ever need.
As I breathe in, I breathe in love. It is the fabric of this physical world. The life force that holds it all together.
Nobody can withhold love from me because to receive love is as simple as inhaling. Nobody is gatekeeper for love coming to me except me.
Our minds create separation from Source…God…Great Spirit. Our thoughts create this feeling of aloneness. How could we ever be alone or separate from the Universe, from God, when we are surrounded by It? Are a part of It?
“Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.” I Corinthians 7.
My daughter Emily in the Caribbean waters of Bonaire
“Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls….when love beckons to you, follow him, though his ways are hard and steep…For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you….Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself. He threshes you to make you naked. He sifts you to free you from your husks. He grinds you to whiteness. He kneads you until you are pliant; And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast. All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart……Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love….But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.” Kahlil Gibran
This passage from The Prophet narrates the journey the soul takes in an effort to find love…looking for it in others, in things, in titles, letting ego define it. Ultimately, finding love requires sacrifice of the ego, a laying down of limits and limitations. And the realization that it is what created us, sustains us and breathes through us.
Photo by Ed Jackson of me and my buddy in a cave, Akumal, Mexico
Love is as close as the air we breathe, as we open to receive. We live in an ocean of love.
The crisp dawn air was a shock. What happened to spring? But soon the chill was forgotten as I found myself surrounded by carnivorous plants. The big, showy pitcher plant blossoms were obvious, but less so were the tiny sun dews that glistened in their dewy crowns. I wandered for over an hour allowing the light, plants and land to guide me.
Finding myself alone in such a unique ecosystem was surreal, but as I tuned-in to the energy of the plants I felt a tingle of dinosaurs and the cauldron of creation on this planet…so ancient did these plants feel. It was like taking a time walk through the natural history of the place before development and toxins and other human-created challenges faced these delicate, meat-eaters.
Overall winner of the race…
Then it was time to photograph runners at a very large mud puddle as they splashed their way through in the Jog the Bog run at Graham Creek Nature Preserve. Such an odd pairing of work. Documenting ancient, insect-eating plants at dawn and then humans as they slipped and tripped through a gigantic, muddy bottom. Both were quite fun.
And later, I visited my friend at her beach home and participated in our turtle team’s yearly training–in preparation for sea turtle nesting season. As the afternoon progressed, the sky became darkened with clouds and the Gulf began to draw me closer. I don’t know why storms draw me, especially considering my respect for lightning (having two very, intensely close calls with it will do that).
What an amazing area….pine forests, pitcher plant bogs and less than ten miles south, the Gulf of Mexico. These ecosystems, while different, depend on each other. Filtration and water holding is vital to a clean, clear Gulf. A strong dune system provides protection for inland areas. Wildlife, plant life, land and water share a connection that is part of a cycle of life. Freshwater, brackish water and salt water all creating different ecosystems yet part of a greater whole.
Wandering among carnivorous plants in a bog, communing with the Gulf and the clouds and shore reminded me of the interdependence of all life. As humans, perhaps we can learn from this amazing dance of connection, of being a part of the whole…as opposed to being apart from the whole.
I was beginning to think it was a bad April Fool’s joke. I was standing on the beach asking the lifeguard if he knew where the dead dolphin was that had been reported. He didn’t but rode west three miles down the beach on his three wheeler looking….nothing. I called our stranding coordinator and told her the lifeguard reported that someone said there had been a dolphin with rope on its tail…but no dead dolphin materialized. Not sounding good….could we be getting pranked by spring breakers?
A little nudge from my intuition sent me walking east. It was looking pretty hopeless but my intuition nudged me again…ask the fisherman. I did and he said…”Yes, I know exactly where it is. Can’t you smell it?”
Recovered dolphin last week
Great. And I thought last week’s dolphin carcass was challenging. The bloating was significant and so was the smell. But I was observing a necropsy of a very large, adult male dolphin inside a facility. Some decomposing and a lot of blood…the smell of blood was what wore on my stamina. Tissue samples were taken, counting of teeth, and all the other data that must be collected from a marine mammal death. Hours upon hours of locating, loading, hauling, photographing, and bit-by-bit taking the dolphin apart and taking samples from organs, blood, eyes…a very intensive effort on the part of several people.
Thankfully it wasn’t an uncounted dead dolphin
But today, I witnessed another large dolphin…this time in the final stages of decay. The body had been dragged with a rope and there were parts missing….the lower right mandible, the dorsal fin…and even in the ragged state this dolphin was in, I could see where tissue had been removed. Between our coordinator, my on-scene eyes (and nose…significant putrid smell) and another biologist via telephone, we pieced together the story.
This dolphin was found in December, processed by the other biologist and dragged up in the dunes by the resort gardener and buried. It had been recently unearthed by someone or something and the smell created a curiosity in spring break celebrants who reported to the resort management there was a dolphin on the beach with a rope around it. They forgot to mention the fact that it was nearly skeletal….but that’s okay. We want to be sure it is a dolphin that has already been counted….and not an unreported death.
I had nothing to measure the length of the carcass except my flip flops…. x 9 lengths
Perhaps I did feel like an April Fool….but in a good way I suppose. Not another dolphin death, just a resurrection…of sorts….VERY ‘of sorts.’
Every marine mammal that washes onshore (bays and rivers included…not just the Gulf) and is reported has to be confirmed, measured, tissue samples taken and a lot of paperwork completed by the coordinator at Dauphin Island Sea Lab. She is working to build the volunteer program so our state can do its part in reporting dolphin and manatee mortality and stranding.
It’s not a pleasant job as most ‘strandings’ are really recovery and examination of dead dolphins and manatees. But it is very necessary to gather the data and samples so the reason behind the nearly 900 dolphin deaths since the BP Oil Spill can be determined. Everyone isn’t capable of this kind of ‘death’ work…but there are different jobs you can do to help the Alabama Marine Mammal Stranding Network. It’s one way you can make a difference.
