Category: Magnolia River

My Life is a River

My Life is a River

Over a week ago coastal Alabama had 8 inches of rain in a short period of time. This created a great amount of water than ran into our creeks and rivers. The Magnolia River, where I live, was no exception.

Beach across the river
Beach across the river

After the high water subsided I wheeled my SUP board down to the little beach near the headwaters of the river and noticed quite a change. Brilliant white sand had built up on the beach across the river and on our little beach.

This might not seem like such a big deal but since Hurricane Isaac last summer, high tides from the storm had deposited large amounts of very dark, sticky mud on the beach so every step left feet or sandals caked with mud. It stained feet, gummed up flip-flops and was a nasty mess. That’s the thing about this tidal river–it is affected by whatever is pushed into Week’s Bay or Mobile Bay.

The beach where I put in used to be a muddy mess...now white sand graces the shore
The beach where I put in used to be a muddy mess…now white sand graces the shore

It was exciting to see that the old snag by the rocks had been flushed away. There had been too many close calls with that bit of debris and my SUP board narrowly escaped slices and gouges from the old, dead wood laying just beneath the surface.

Taking a moment to contemplate life
Taking a moment to contemplate life

As I paddled along today I thought how my life is like this river. There has been a lot of dark, sticky yuck that has lurked just beneath the surface for many years. Finally, a series of events brought these unpleasant, dysfunctional behaviors to my attention and I’ve been working to clear them.

A big gully-washer of tears from grief and sadness over what I have lost throughout my life flushed out of my unconscious in bits and pieces. The darkness was loosened and freed and the beautiful light within was brought up. I call it love…unconditional love. Like the white sand on the beaches, new ground has formed for my life. The old inner snags that hooked me have been flushed away and I’m left with clarity and peace.

Clowning around for the camera
Clowning around for the camera in Crystal River, Florida

There will continue to be tides that bring change and heavy rains that clear away the old but one thing is certain to me–my life is a river of love and light. I finally understand that. And so is yours. And someday, maybe we can have ‘inner rivers’ that are crystal clear and filled constantly from the Source of Life.

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Animal Teachers

Animal Teachers

Two days ago I launched  my SUP board at a small, sandy beach on the river and noticed otter tracks. Native traditions speak of the otter as teaching playfulness. The water is an ancient symbol for the feminine, creative forces and emotions in life so otter’s play reminds us that we all need to allow our creative side a chance to come out and play and to not take life so seriously.

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As I paddled I thought about the tracks and was excited to know that an otter had visited our little beach and reminded me to lighten up. Life had been very serious and heavy for the past couple of weeks so the otter’s visit was a little nudge to play a bit.

The otter tracks were still present when I launched my board this morning. It was foggy and cool, the dampness permeated everything. The cypress trees stood as silent centennials along the river bank. The absence of wind made paddling especially enjoyable as my board sliced through the mirror-like surface.

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I rounded a bend in the river and to my horror saw a pelican floating head down in the river. It was obviously dead but I wanted to remove it from the water to offer respect and to acknowledge its life….and death. I knelt down on my board and grasped a wing and pulled. It hardly moved. I looked closer and saw its neck was fully extended with the bill potentially stuck in the shallow bottom. I grasped both wings and pulled very hard. Nothing. I tried several times but made no progress.

How was this possible? In over 50 years of life spent enjoying the water and especially pelicans, I had never seen anything so strange. What happened? I wanted badly to free the bird but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t help. Finally I gave up, said a little prayer and paddled on, still thinking about this strange occurrence. Still disturbed by such a strange accident. And determined to understand the teaching being offered.

I thought of the native teachings about pelicans–renewed buoyancy. “Being able to be buoyant and rest on top in spite of the heaviness of life circumstances. The pelican teaches that no matter how difficult life becomes, no matter how much you plunge, you can pop to the surface,” writes Ted Andrews in his book, Animal Speak.

Well…unless you miscalculate your next move and get yourself stuck…deadly stuck… like my poor friend did.

This strange occurrence, along with the traditional meaning, spoke to me quite deeply.

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I pondered the teaching all day, especially the feeling of giving up and feeling heartbroken that I couldn’t free this magnificent bird from the entrapment of mud. Eventually the application became obvious.

No matter how much we want to help a friend or loved one who is trapped in their misery, sometimes we have to let go. We are powerless to change another’s situation, powerless to free them from their stuckness. We can be supportive, can pray for them and offer to help, but ultimately their freedom comes from their own willingness to dive into clarity and love and let the lightness of their being lift them up. We are powerless to save them from themselves.

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Such grief and sadness comes with the realization that letting go is the only choice, the only thing left to do.

What a feeling of powerlessness….yet what a beautiful point of surrender. And for that lesson I am deeply grateful.

Rest in peace my friend.

Pelicans Up-River

Pelicans Up-River

pelicanWhile we don’t have dramatic seasonal changes in coastal Alabama, if a person pays attention there are definite shifts that result from changing weather patterns. I notice these while paddling my SUP board on the Magnolia River.

When cooler nights and days became the norm and the winds shifted, pelicans moved up-river. They hang out on boat house roofs, on channel markers, piers and they have quickly learned that people = food. I’ve seen them begging fish from local residents who clean fish on their docks. This morning I saw several gathering around a pier where guys were sitting and visiting on their dock.

Another seasonal change is that the river water is clearer and quite a bit shallower as the north winds push water out of Weeks and Mobile Bays. Magnolia River, being a tidal river, flows outward and offers a challenge for me at low tide during this time of year as I paddle through large, submerged rocks.

Cormorants are constant companions as they dive for fish and do their running take-off on the water’s surface–winter visitors who fly south for a few months of warmer weather before returning to cooler climates to raise young.

No, there’s no snow and we haven’t had temperatures below freezing yet but the pelicans up-river are a sure sign winter is here.

Land-Locked No More!

Land-Locked No More!

Awakening in the black of pre-dawn, I stood up and immediately missed the gentle rocking of the ocean. Sitting at my desk under the open windows beside the oak tree, birds singing to me, the entire house rocked me gently all day as I processed images and video. Or at least that’s what it felt like after a week on a boat.

During the many years I spent as a land-locked diver, I would always have a deep sadness at leaving the ocean and returning to the mountains. I love the mountains but the sea remains my constant, the core of who I am. And now, after dive trips, I find myself heading back to a coast and the joy is unmistakable. And the gratitude bubbles up in waves of heart-felt love for my beautiful home and the live oaks it’s nestled under….and the Magnolia River and the bays and the Gulf of Mexico–all a part of this life I inhabit.

The sights and smells of the rivers, bays and open water of the Gulf keep me grounded in pure ecstasy and appreciation for my wonderful home….yes, the outer home but mostly this inner home of beauty I discover as I open my heart and mind to beauty, to light….to unconditional love. I am free and the coast of Alabama mirrors this freedom to me, mentors my expanding efforts to bring all of who I am to this life.

Down to the River…to Pray, to Laugh

Down to the River…to Pray, to Laugh

It was 48 degrees when I got up and started my day at 5am. I had to wait two hours until sunrise so I could go boarding. I fueled my body with a big apple and yogurt and almonds and dressed for the chill. When the light popped out I headed out as well. Down the to river….to pray, laugh, dance on my board and be fully present in this glorious autumn morning.

When I am able to be fully present, in the moment, I receive the gift of beauty, laughter, joy. Nothing else but the river, mullet, alligator gar, osprey, herons, baby fish, kingfishers, and boats filled with jacket-clad fishermen staring at me as I stroked past like I was some sort of illusion from a wacky dream. I could almost hear their low droning voices as they said, “Check that out Bob. That one ain’t right.” Or, “What the heck are they gonna think of next?” But I’m booking past them, fueled by the chilly air and stroking fast, race-like and feeling strong.

Some days are like that. And when such a day comes along, I’m happy to say thanks and keep paddling. Joy, peace, beauty…we all deserve it, we’re all worthy of good things.

What are you claiming today that supports your joy? I hope it is something wonderful…you deserve it after all.