Category: healing

Diary of a Wild Heart–Part Seven

Diary of a Wild Heart–Part Seven

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One of the things I love about diving Bonaire is the house reef in front of resorts is always a great place to dive and its one I can do solo and feel comfortable.

(Before I proceed let me assure my mother that solo diving as an instructor is something we do every time we take new students into the water and actually diving without four new divers is safer than diving with them. And…I stay at 35 feet of depth or less and take extra safety precautions…and yes, there’s actually a speciality for solo diving).

No other divers were nearby as I slowly moved through the water. Being by myself yet surrounded by the immensity of ocean life is soul food for me. As I glided along, a hawksbill sea turtle was foraging for breakfast, I was foraging for beauty.

Ocean creatures constitute an amazing community of life. The coming and going, the territories, cleaning stations, hiding, defending, hunting together–all of this demonstrates a most effective and efficient community. Each time I journey into these well-organized societies  I celebrate the instinctual wisdom demonstrated. And I always wonder why humans can’t learn from these marvelous cooperative neighborhoods. It was a good way to begin to bring the week of diving to a close.

The next morning our entire group decided to dive together so we headed south from the condo. We had entered the water and were making our way out to Tori’s Reef. My dive buddy and I had dropped down on the reef as had two guys a short distance from us. Just as we dropped over the edge of the reef I heard squeaking and whistles. I excitedly began looking around.

Three groups of four or five dolphins swam past, within 8 to 10 feet of me. I was screaming in excitement through my regulator and clapping my hands. So much for remaining calm underwater. In the last group that swam by the large dolphin closest to me turned over on his back and drifted by looking at me while swimming upside down. I couldn’t contain my joy! And so caught up in the moment was I, I forgot to take photographs of these amazing friends with the exception of one rather blurry one of their tails as they swam past.

I have been to Bonaire many times and this was the first time I saw dolphins. They brought a special gift to me, one that I am still unwrapping in my heart and mind.

During the first dive of the day I had so much grief surface about planetary destruction. I remember looking at tiny fish and crustaceans, sponges and corals and wept into my mask at the violence humans have done to the planet and each other. After the dolphins swam away I allowed those feelings of sadness their space but allowed them to be surrounded by the joy and happiness the dolphins evoked within me. I was so grateful, so frustrated, so joyful and sad all in the same moments as I glided along.

So in love with the ocean was I, in touch with life in a deep way. This depth of passion and emotion is what pulls me forward to continue the environmental work I feel called to do. The only way to proceed through the trying times–times of frustration, sadness and anger–is with an open heart. The pod of dolphins opened my heart. Only through love can I do the ‘Work’ and visit places that are polluted and damaged, deeply injured by humans. That is the only resource strong enough to see all of us through who have dedicated our lives to helping this water planet heal.

My wild heart was nurtured the entire week I was on Bonaire. From my time there I came back renewed and ready to do the ‘Work.’ May it continue…for all of us on this path.

Blue Dawn

Blue Dawn

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Today’s sea turtle nest patrol didn’t yield a new nest or crawls but it yielded over 100 pounds of trash in a mile and a half stretch of beach. My regular patrol volunteer buddy couldn’t walk today so I walked by myself. I arrived at the beach before 5am and took time exposure photographs of the Gulf. The water looks magically calm and surreal in the images but in reality it was quite rough.The high seas add to the regular beach trash by dumping all manner of junk along the shoreline.

When I got to my turnaround point I saw another volunteer and she had ‘mistakenly’ walked the beach looking for nests. I was busily picking up trash, as I made the return trip, with a bag I had secured from the kind folks at Gulf State Park Pier. Lu and I filled the bag to the point where we had to empty it three times. A 30 minute walk to over 2.5 hours to do while picking up litter. Here’s a sample of what we found:

Plastic drink bottles, plastic water bottles, glass beer bottles, been cans, soda cans, two disposable diapers, a plastic tampon applicator, over 100 plastic bottle tops, plastic bins, plastic tubs, oil containers, balloons, kites, string, monofilament fishing line, fishing leaders, latex gloves, flip flops, broken sun glasses, cheap snorkeling masks, wool sock, countless kids plastic beach toys, plastic floats, candy wrappers, foil drink (Capri sun) plastic straws, styrofoam cups and plates and pieces, plastic cups, pieces of large plastic ‘things,’ large plastic water bottle (for a cooler), half an Otterbox brief case encased with all kinds of ocean life, food wrappers, foil, unidentifiable plastic things…..and on and on and on. There were also cigarette butts by the thousands that we didn’t pick up. The problem with EVERYTHING we picked up and the cigarette butts is that none of it degrades, decomposes…goes away. At least not for a VERY long time.

Here’s the time frame of decomposition for some of the trash we found:

Wool sock–1 to 5 years, cigarette butts–10-12 years, foamed plastic cups–50 years, plastic containers–50-80 years, aluminum can–200-500 years, plastic bottles–450 years, disposable diapers–550 years, monofilament fishing line–600 years, plastic bags–200-1000 years.

Take a minute and think about this….breathe it in and sit with it. (Pause).

Just yesterday I read an article on recycling cigarette butts. Did you know they are made of plastic? They don’t decompose as some may think. A cigarette tossed on the ground is there to stay for a LONG time.The filter is made of the same material as plastic bags. One company is making guitar picks and other happy things from cigarette butts instead of the butts being put into land fields or worse, ending up on the ground. Cigarette butts are the most common type of litter found.

Yesterday I read an article by a favorite reporter of mine, Dahr Jamail. Oceans of Pollution, is an important read for all concerned about the health of our planet. Jamail quotes a study that warns, “without profound and prompt changes in human behavior, we will cause a ‘mass extinction in the oceans with unknown ecological consequences.'” He also quotes Alanna Mitchell, “Every tear you cry…ends up back in the ocean system. Every third molecule of carbon dioxide you exhale is absorbed into the ocean. Every second breath you take comes from the oxygen produced by plankton.”

If our plankton dies in the ocean, we die. It’s as simple as that. The ocean produces the majority of oxygen we breathe…even if you happen to live in the center of a continent with no access to the ocean, the ocean is what gives you oxygen. As plastic gets more deeply rooted into our ocean food chain, we are seeing more ill effects and consequences from the toxins used to create it. We are quite literally killing our ocean and therefore, killing ourselves.

As Lu and I walked, several people came up and thanked us, one guy expressed his love of the planet, another young man expressed his frustration at how people can be in the presence of such beauty and completely miss it and trash it. A few people actually helped us along the way. Some hung their head in shame as we carried the heavy bag, filled with human-generated pollution and as I made eye contact, I saw their grief at what, collectively, we are doing to our planet.

It was no coincidence that two strong articles came across my desk yesterday and today I found myself surrounded and astounded by a mountain of trash in just a mile and a half of Gulf of Mexico beach. We no longer have the luxury of turning away when we see places like this. We must breathe deep and connect with our compassion for all life and do whatever we can to make a positive difference. We can no longer luxuriate in anger, frustration, hopelessness. Now is the time to be active stewards of our Ocean.

Diary of a Wild Heart–Part Six

Diary of a Wild Heart–Part Six

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I gazed out over the green-blue-indigo water and felt my soul resonate with it completely. Waves of color reverberated through me and in response, my connection to the sea was strengthened. I wanted to know the secrets, the mystery of my soul and the journeys it has traveled and experienced. I longed to feel the wisdom rise up within me and illuminate my path.

Entering the water before sunrise was a primal experience for me. Feeling the cool, salty kiss of the sea before the heat of the day began was a gift I wanted to bestow upon myself.

As I floated weightless on the surface, the sun peeked through the palm trees and bathed me in golden light. The clouds were golden, the water sparkled with gold flecks and ripples and I merged into that silent place of deep gratitude. I swam in swirling circles of light and play and frolicked joyfully. Ocean love….ocean bliss.

The couple I had a brief encounter with a couple days before arrived as I swam and left before I got out of the water. She had helped me find sea glass and gifted them to me one day but never spoke a word–she just smiled at me. They exited the water,  on this day, and I noticed she stayed on the beach after he left but I didn’t think much about it.

After swimming I collected a bit of trash–wire, a bottle cap and some sea glass. As I walked up the stone steps I noticed a brown, dried circular leaf on the step. On it was several pieces of sandy sea glass, carefully arranged. It stopped me completely and literally in my tracks. I’m not sure I’ve ever received a gift so appreciated, so precious–so completely thoughtful.

I felt completely humbled and opened by this beautiful gift, so thoughtfully and freely given. I felt tears well up inside of me.

I walked back to the condo and shared my experience with the couple and the gift she had left me and salty tears rolled down my cheeks. This gift emerged from a heart connection we felt even though she and I never spoke a word to each other. Our hearts understood each other. Our souls shared a deep love of the Ocean.

The gift appeared to be a small leaf with tumbled bits of sea glass; however, the true gift was the hope in humanity this gentle, loving couple restored to me. For that, I am forever grateful.

Diary of a Wild Heart–Part Four

Diary of a Wild Heart–Part Four

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As I stood along the water’s edge, absorbing and connecting with the elemental energies, I relaxed into a blissful reverie of sea-glass gathering. I think about how the sea transforms trash into small bits of beauty. Ragged, sharp-edged cast-off waste turned into smooth treasures of green and blue.

I feel the Ocean does that to me as well. I come to Her ragged and worn and She transforms me, heals me, smooths my sharp edges and I leave a better person.

This morning the local couple I’ve noticed each morning came back and he commented to me that I am here each day. I smiled and said, “You, too.” We all laughed and went about our tasks. Mine–gathering glass and smoothing my rough edges and theirs chatting and playing in the water together quietly, gently.

For days I watched this couple, amazed and inspired by their gentleness with each other, with the sea. You could feel the good-will toward each other oozing through their shy and playful gestures. The lightheartedness….beautiful. What a gentle way to greet the day and each other.

This native couple mirrored the essence of the calm sea to me each morning and modeled for me how humans can live closely tied to nature and yet fully engaged in their humanness. I’m not sure they realize the gift they are bestowing to me. I am filled with gratitude.

Beauty Expanding

Beauty Expanding

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I left the house at 5.30am, destined for the Gulf beaches. A short 20 minute ride later I was standing at Gulf State Park watching the sun rise over the sugar-white dunes. An hour spent walking this undeveloped beach started my day off in a state of beauty. Clear blue-green water lapping at my feet, warm breeze blowing from the southwest bringing salty air from across the water onshore. This balmy hug created a joy within me and so I left the beach ready for breakfast and more beach time. I had an appointment at 11am with a special someone.

After breakfast overlooking the Gulf, I motored down to Alabama Point, another part of Gulf State Park, and sat on the beach for about thirty minutes. I got out my pad and wrote a few notes….

“Sitting on snow-white sand watching blue-green waves roll onshore. A school of medium-sized fish are jumping and leaping about 50 yards offshore. My mind moves to wonder…what is chasing them?

A sanderling wanders toward me from the west and just east of me a family has arrived. The little boy ran to the water with his mask and has already called for a net so he can catch fish he is seeing. I don’t understand the need to capture and control nature. Isn’t it enough to be a quiet observer? This has been a struggle throughout my life…why must we dissect, catch, control all the beauty surrounding us? Why can’t we appreciate beauty for its own sake without destroying it?

Ten feet from my foot the sanderling rests on a mound of sand preening in this early morning sun. Running brown and white speckled feathers through her beak she glances over at me occasionally and then she is done and scurries off to peck among the seaweed for tasty breakfast morsels.

The sand is still cool from the night’s respite. Starlight is still embedded in the crystalline sand. It lingers as the heat of our golden sun star warms it and imbues it with wild, hot solar energy.

An osprey is gliding overhead, freshly caught fish tucked streamline under her white belly feathers.”

And onward to Gulf Islands National Seashore.

I stopped for water and then visited this narrow strip of sand that is surrounded by the Gulf of Mexico on one side and the bay on the other. Nine a.m. and I still had two hours before my appointment back at Alabama Point so I meandered through blue sky, blue-green water and white sand beauty that continued to expand from my sunrise walk. It felt as if the amount of salt water-induced bliss was getting out of hand. It was glorious and wonderful and the best was yet to come. I still had to meet Freddie.

One final stop at the National Seashore to breathe in a nearly perfect water and sky-scape and it was time to leave for the meeting.

Many of us had been summoned to this gathering at 11am. A special guest was arriving and we wanted to be there to see her off.

Freddie had been in rehab a few months, rescued from the pass at Alabama Point. She (or he…the sex was unknown) had been found floating, unable to submerge due to an intestinal blockage and other issues. After being assisted medically, this loggerhead sea turtle was ready to be returned to the Gulf, not far from where she had been found ailing.

Once our volunteers and the NFWS had gathered and the media had arrived, the walk to the water began. It’s probably the most exciting steps I’ve ever walked. Not just because Freddie was returning back to the Gulf but because so many humans cared and were there to cheer her on. Beauty…it was indeed expanding and not only in the outer scenery but in the hearts I saw wide-open surrounding this precious ocean friend.

Freddie crawled from the place her bearers placed her. She got to the water’s edge and stopped. The sand was moist and wet with surf but she just stopped. People formed two lines on either side of her and left the pathway to the water open. Even as I write this tonight, hours after the release, I have to pause and catch my breath. Tears come again as I reflect on the beautiful souls there to welcome her home.

She waited and watched, looking at children and adults cheering her on and finally a wave washed over her. She lifted her head in recognition of the glorious saltwater and who knows what else….for sea turtles don’t share their innermost thoughts. As I knelt on the sand taking photographs I saw in her eye a spark, a light that ignited as the wave called her home. And then….she scurried into the water.

I know what it feels like to come home, to have been away healing, learning….and to find myself back on my home beach watching a sea turtle crawl back into her home….there are no words. There truly are no words. All I know is this–I, too, am home.