Three days ago, my hound dog Vern started barking his alert bark. That particular bark can mean a dinosaur is attacking, an eagle is in a tree chasing a squirrel (that actually happened), a box turtle is crossing the driveway (that also happened), or something really, really bad is about to happen. I went out twice to look in the direction he was barking. No turtle, eagle, dinosaur, or possum (a regular visitor to our yard). 

Finally, my frustration at his incessant barking caused me to take the search outside the gate. I followed Vern’s gaze and saw a deer mouse pup that was struggling. It was fully furred but its eyes were not quite open, so it was probably just under two weeks of age.

I picked it up and examined it. There were no marks on it, it wasn’t bleeding, and it looked healthy except it clearly was not healthy as it couldn’t move well. It actually appeared to have neurological damage in the way it was moving. I held it to keep it warm and it perked up a bit. We walked around the edge of the driveway, me calling for mama mouse and looking for potential nest sites. After having no luck, I got a plastic container and cut a hole in the bottom, put a small, shallow water container in it and a little cloth and placed it there, under the carport, hoping the mother would locate it and take her babe. 

After a couple hours I went to check on it and it had crawled out of the container and a large ant was biting its tail. NO WAY would I allow it to suffer like that. So, I brought it inside to my bathroom/bathtub and created a little deer mouse pup habitat where it resided for the past three days.

I knew the mouse was dying when I found it, otherwise I would have taken it to a wildlife rehab facility. I wanted to show it love and care for however long it needed to make the journey to the other side. 

I kept it warm, offered tiny seeds, put out a shallow container of water, mixed a paste of ground almonds and water to leave for it. I tried not to handle it, but it loved curling up in my palm as I did Reiki on it. 

Several times I’d check on little Bobbi and think she was dead. I would pick her up and she would move around and snuggle into my hand or climb around on it. I’d gently place her back into her mouse house and leave her to her journey; however, I was frustrated that she might be suffering, even though she appeared to sleep whenever I left her. Late this afternoon I brought her a beautiful yellow flower from the garden and laid it with her. And finally, a few hours later I checked on her and she had passed.

It broke me open. And I needed to be broken open. I’ve been so saddened by the toxic behaviors of so many and I’ve found myself feeling depressed. Bobbi, the deer mouse pup, helped cultivate compassion and kindness within me, and through her three day and night dying process, helped remind me that there is still gentleness in me and in a world that can appear so full of hatred and meanness.

Now, more than ever, it’s important for us to find the depth of love within ourselves so we can reflect it out into the world. Little Bobbi instructed me on how to do this as she made her way to the spirit world. Our little woodland in the Smoky Mountains had a lot more light shining and going out into the world this weekend due to our work together.