The morning began by a walk to the water before sunrise while the silver light of the waning moon still illuminated the sea. When the blue was still kissed with silver I stood, toes in sand, sinking into the soft substrate while warm, clear salt water kissed my feet.
In the quiet, when the birds were still considering their opportune moment to call up the sun, I breathed in the day.
As dead pieces of coral tumbled and tinkled in the rolling water, small bits of colored sea glass glittered amid the neutral tones of sand and coral rock. I began collecting them, gathering them into my empty tea cup.
I bent over in my sea glass meditation, in a sort of salutation to the morning, and in a moment of clarity gained understanding. I realized how broken litter–human garbage–was transformed into objects of beauty by the constant motion of waves working the sharp edges and shiny surfaces into something new and beautiful.
Many sins humans commit against our planet can still be righted. There is still time for us to collectively turn the tide and create something wonderful and healing. We can stop the assaults, poor decisions and mistreatment we have leveled upon the Earth and all of Her creatures, the land, water and air.
I smiled at the thought of a global awakening and realized the same metaphor applied to my life…to every individual’s life. The constant movement through changes and obstacles keeps refining us, inviting us to allow a deepening of awareness and an unfolding and strengthening of our talents and skills.
Each of us has the ability to become more beautiful, more effective in our walk on the planet. We can choose to remain broken or we can allow the process of transformation to change us into brighter expressions of our highest selves. There is indeed still room for hope.
In my cross-training efforts the elliptical trainer provides an opportunity to catch up on TED talks. While I whirl and sweat I watch videos from these amazing talks and recently I’ve been viewing those related to oceans.
I watched three today and each one nurtured a perplexing subject that has been surfacing in my mind over the past few years. Today I heard a clear question whispered from the ethers: Is it really good to discover new sources of life and potential material wealth when human consciousness has not evolved at the same pace as technological development?
Shark caught and left to die on the beach. I asked the fisherman why he allowed the shark to die…’because they are dangerous’ he said.
As a species on the planet, we appear to be more at war with it than stewards of it. This is evidenced by the conflicts we wage on each other in our neighborhoods, in oil fields, in mountains hiding gold and other valuable metals, in our oceans. Exploitation is still the collective mindset of our species.
Machinery at Bon Secour National Wildlife Refuge trying to remove a large, sunken mat of oil during the BP Oil Spill
Billions of dollars are spent on cancer research yet we haven’t understood and acted on the realization that what we are doing to the water, air, food sources are all contributing to the increase of cancer. The toxins we dump onto and into our planet are killing us and all life. But we, as a whole, stick to the mindset that more is better and profit at any cost is acceptable. The disconnect is clearly destroying us.
We have tried to conquer, control, manipulate our oceans, soil, energy resources and have failed with this mindset. Only when we apply principles of cooperation and respect toward each other, the planet, animals, plants, air, water do we create opportunity for balance and plenty for all.
Our group from a week with Joanna Macy, our mentor who teaches how to stay sane while working to help the planet
My hope is that before we discover marvelous, new, wondrous places, resources and animals to exploit that we step back, take many breaths and allow our sense of ethics and conscience to catch up with technology that we use daily to destroy the very thing that gives us physical life. It is time for us to learn a heart-centered approach to living and allow the blossoming of love within us to guide us rather than our ego-driven and self-centered desires.
When we collectively can reach across the self-created constructs that divide us related to race, religion, politics, and more then perhaps we will be ready to care for new and marvelous discoveries on our planet. Until then, let us cultivate responsible stewardship and unconditional love.
The dark, heavy energy has shifted. I’ve been sitting on my back porch listening to the rain, listening to distant thunder over the Gulf and to wind chimes slowly moving in the slight breeze, their deep tones filling the courtyard with celestial music and serving as background sound to drops splatting and thumping on the metal roof. Frogs sing occasionally, adding their baritone to the soprano whistles and trills of birds darting to and fro.
In the distance, the sounds of children laughing and playing in the rain provide nurturance to the joy taking root within the dark recesses in me that have stored grief over bad new– environmental reports this week that seemed endless. Swinging in my hammock chair with my buddy Stanley Kubrick purring contentedly on my lap, I realized that I have ridden the wave of grief to the other side.
A spark of light ignited this shift. A favorite musician posted yesterday on his FaceBook page, “So happy to be playing music. There is no finer place on earth today than Oklahoma.” Ben Taylor’s post planted a seed of light. I nurtured it by having a session of Thai Yoga yesterday afternoon that helped stretch me out of my funk. Then the morning of rain and gentleness helped me grow the light seed and expand it like a candle igniting a thousand inner lamps.
Being present in the moment and happy to be doing something I love to do is something to celebrate. Finding joy within a storm of bad environmental news gives me a stronger foundation from which to work and helps me gain footing on the Path so I can take the next step in my work. With my inner lamps rekindled I move forward with joy, in celebration of this beautiful water planet.
Stanley Kubrick and I celebrated this delicious, rainy, soft morning by dancing on the back porch while listening to Jolly Holiday. “Ain’t it a glorious day? Right as a mornin’ in May, I feel like I could fly….When the day is gray and ordinary, <Stanley> makes the sun shine bright!”
Staying present with grief, with joy…with beauty. It’s all part of this turning point in which we find ourselves on our Earthly planet.
After two days of rather strenous yard work I found myself listening to a guided meditation this afternoon in a most excellent and comfortable chair in my office. Feet comfortably elevated, orange cat curled up in my lap, I was totally supported by this amazing chair. I relaxed and went into the place I call the drool zone. Usually it happens when I am on a massage table and am so relaxed that drool slips out of my open mouth. But today, it was in was in my home office which I have recently cleared out, rearranged and named my office temple.
Ruby Beach, Washington
While the name office temple might sound a bit strange, I view my photography and writing as closely aligned and interwoven with my spiritual practice. Until recently, my thoughts about the work were directed out into the world almost constantly. My grief and concern over the abuse of our planet and its creatures weighs heavily on me. Often I have such frustration that I’m not doing enough or the work I have done (i.e. books, photographs) isn’t making a difference, isn’t out there far enough. And so this outward directed energy pulls me further and further off balance and I get more anxious and upset at the plight of the world. It’s a vicious cycle.
Then, over the past week or so, I have realized that the work I am called to do right now isn’t so much about ‘out in the world’ but rather inside my own heart and mind. Like the cycling of the seasons, we have our own cycles of rest, action, going within, going out.
Blue Mountains (?) Washington
With the help of an amazing bodywork therapist I am going deeper within myself and rediscovering the importance of simply being. If I surrender completely, everything will be made known that I need to know. But especially, what I need to do. Acting before this guidance is received can be exasperatingly futile.
I’m not suggesting that we focus on ourselves in a selfish or self-centered way. I’m simply advocating an inward focus to listen for guidance, to connect with the love and passion that pulls us to the work we feel led to do. When we put that as our first goal, everything else falls into place. In the right timing.
Asheville Arboretum
Recently I had a colleague on the spiritual path tell me that I was trying too hard, in more than one area of my life. Relax and allow it to happen from your place of inner quiet and peace, I was told. And as I’ve thought of that sage advice, I have come to a place of surrender. Not just about my environmental work but with everything and everyone in my life. My frustration has lessened, my patience increased and expanded. (sigh)
Statue in Bicentennial Park, Greensboro, NC
Sitting in my chair of surrender, I feel completely supported, at ease and relaxed. From this place of total trust, I am assured that all will unfold exactly as it is intended to unfold. In the right time, in the right direction and with exactly the right companions.
This is NOT representative of this morning’s behavior from my darlings.
I awakened to soft thuds overhead. Cat play on carpet. I had been dreaming of a white vulture soaring overhead and waked in the middle of the dream. I lay there half awake wondering the meaning of such an unfamiliar symbol. Heady thoughts so early in the morning and soon interrupted by the thundering of cats down the stairway.
Gracie practiced her balance beam act on the footboard while Stanley practiced his gymnastic moves above me on the headboard. The hawk screeching outside my home and the combined acrobatics of my cat companions called me to get up and check the weather forecast.
Last night I read where high winds were predicted for today so when it was quiet outside I literally ran to put on my SUP boarding shorts and shirt and was out the door before coffee. I could smell the salt marsh far upriver so the wind announced itself with gentleness, prior to anything more than a whisper. By the time I reached the downriver side of Bemis Bay the ripples began. As I rounded the corner at Washer Woman’s Point, I saw and felt the beginnings of the ‘serious’ wind…but that wasn’t what really caught my attention.
Black vulture near Crystal River, FL
Perched on a cypress tree was a beautiful vulture, wings spread, heart facing the morning sun. Her wing feathers were white and so I remembered the dream. But I had the rest of my four mile paddle to complete and lucky for me, had a downwinder on the way back up river.
My experimental wall garden..the 2 x 4’s will be painted once they are dry
The rest of the day was spent putting together a project I’ve been dreaming of for weeks–designing and building a system to grow veggies and herbs on the east side of my home. Literally…on my home. It’s very sunny there, while the rest of my yard isn’t and the garage gets very hot in the summer so I wanted to install some sort of green wall to see if it would keep my garage from boiling during July and August.
My new bromeliad friends make the courtyard an even happier place
I would rather grow flowers because I simply have a thing for them. But my farmer genes nudge me to try my hand once again at growing food. My dad and grandfather would probably laugh at my vertical garden. And honestly, I bought more flowers—some outrageous bromeliads. I can’t help it. Can’t I live off of beauty? Do I really have to eat?
All through the day of building, possibly cursing at trying to hold 8 foot 2 x 4’s up while screwing them into the wall, attaching the boxes, planting the plants into the boxes….I kept thinking about the white vulture. When I finished my farmer-girl activities I ran upstairs and looked up ‘white vulture’ on my trusty internet search engine.
It is a symbol of the feminine in Egyptian mythology. In Pueblo mythology it is a symbol of restored harmony that had been broken. It is a symbol of the return of the self. (Pause…..and repeat please).
Photo of me probably 17 years ago….
How appropriate. How perfect. Since my father’s illness and death (when I was 21) I have been in a series of relationships with no gap between them. Recently I have done some deep healing as I find myself alone for the first time in 32 years. And I wanted to be alone as I found myself repeating the same old patterns. Sick of myself, I journeyed out on my own to heal. To grow. I couldn’t repeat the familiar behaviors anymore. It was deadening.
At this almost year mark of my time with only me and my baggage, I find myself dreaming of white vultures and realizing that I am discovering who I am…I had never given myself space or time to figure that out and in some ways had remained the wounded young woman throughout my relationships. How appropriate that in my time of conscious healing, the goddess of feminine energy pays me a dreamtime visit.
Self-portrait 2013
After all these years I am finally healing the old wounds. I have no idea where this new-found wholeness will take me but I’m guessing it has something to do with growing flowers or morphing into a vulture….once I figure it out I’ll let you know.
The morning began by a walk to the water before sunrise while the silver light of the waning moon still illuminated the sea. When the blue was still kissed with silver I stood, toes in sand, sinking into the soft substrate while warm, clear salt water kissed my feet.
As dead pieces of coral tumbled and tinkled in the rolling water, small bits of colored sea glass glittered amid the neutral tones of sand and coral rock. I began collecting them, gathering them into my empty tea cup.
I smiled at the thought of a global awakening and realized the same metaphor applied to my life…to every individual’s life. The constant movement through changes and obstacles keeps refining us, inviting us to allow a deepening of awareness and an unfolding and strengthening of our talents and skills.
