Category: conscious change

Chair of Surrender

Chair of Surrender


After two days of rather strenous yard work I found myself listening to a guided meditation this afternoon in a most excellent and comfortable chair in my office. Feet comfortably elevated, orange cat curled up in my lap, I was totally supported by this amazing chair. I relaxed and went into the place I call the drool zone. Usually it happens when I am on a massage table and am so relaxed that drool slips out of my open mouth. But today, it was  in was in my home office which I have recently cleared out, rearranged and named my office temple.

Ruby Beach, Washington
Ruby Beach, Washington

While the name office temple might sound a bit strange, I view my photography and writing as closely aligned and interwoven with my spiritual practice. Until recently, my thoughts about the work were directed out into the world almost constantly. My grief and concern over the abuse of our planet and its creatures weighs heavily on me. Often I have such frustration that I’m not doing enough or the work I have done (i.e. books, photographs) isn’t making a difference, isn’t out there far enough. And so this outward directed energy pulls me further and further off balance and I get more anxious and upset at the plight of the world. It’s a vicious cycle.

Then, over the past week or so, I have realized that the work I am called to do right now isn’t so much about ‘out in the world’ but rather inside my own heart and mind. Like the cycling of the seasons, we have our own cycles of rest, action, going within, going out.

Blue Mountains (?) Washington
Blue Mountains (?) Washington

With the help of an amazing bodywork therapist I am going deeper within myself and rediscovering the importance of simply being. If I surrender completely, everything will be made known that I need to know. But especially, what I need to do. Acting before this guidance is received can be exasperatingly futile.

I’m not suggesting that we focus on ourselves in a selfish or self-centered way. I’m simply advocating an inward focus to listen for guidance, to connect with the love and passion that pulls us to the work we feel led to do. When we put that as our first goal, everything else falls into place. In the right timing.

Asheville Arboretum
Asheville Arboretum

Recently I had a colleague on the spiritual path tell me that I was trying too hard, in more than one area of my life. Relax and allow it to happen from your place of inner quiet and peace, I was told. And as I’ve thought of that sage advice, I have come to a place of surrender. Not just about my environmental work but with everything and everyone in my life. My frustration has lessened, my patience increased and expanded. (sigh)

Statue in Bicentennial Park, Greensboro, NC
Statue in Bicentennial Park, Greensboro, NC

Sitting in my chair of surrender, I feel completely supported, at ease and relaxed. From this place of total trust, I am assured that all will unfold exactly as it is intended to unfold. In the right time, in the right direction and with exactly the right companions.

To Be a Bromeliad Farmer….or Vulture Goddess?

To Be a Bromeliad Farmer….or Vulture Goddess?

This is NOT representative of this morning's behavior from my darlings.
This is NOT representative of this morning’s behavior from my darlings.

I awakened to soft thuds overhead. Cat play on carpet. I had been dreaming of a white vulture soaring overhead and waked in the middle of the dream. I lay there half awake wondering the meaning of such an unfamiliar symbol. Heady thoughts so early in the morning and soon interrupted by the thundering of cats down the stairway.

Gracie practiced her balance beam act on the footboard while Stanley practiced his gymnastic moves above me on the headboard. The hawk screeching outside my home and the combined acrobatics of my cat companions called me to get up and check the weather forecast.

Last night I read where high winds were predicted for today so when it was quiet outside I literally ran to put on my SUP boarding shorts and shirt and was out the door before coffee. I could smell the salt marsh far upriver so the wind announced itself with gentleness, prior to anything more than a whisper. By the time I reached the downriver side of Bemis Bay the ripples began. As I rounded the corner at Washer Woman’s Point, I saw and felt the beginnings of the ‘serious’ wind…but that wasn’t what really caught my attention.

Black vulture near Crystal River, FL
Black vulture near Crystal River, FL

Perched on a cypress tree was a beautiful vulture, wings spread, heart facing the morning sun. Her wing feathers were white and so I remembered the dream. But I had the rest of my four mile paddle to complete and lucky for me, had a downwinder on the way back up river.

My experimental wall garden..the 2 x 4 will be painted once it is dried
My experimental wall garden..the 2 x 4’s will be painted once they are dry

The rest of the day was spent putting together a project I’ve been dreaming of for weeks–designing and building a system to grow veggies and herbs on the east side of my home. Literally…on my home. It’s very sunny there, while the rest of my yard isn’t and the garage gets very hot in the summer so I wanted to install some sort of green wall to see if it would keep my garage from boiling during July and August.

My new bromeliad friends make the courtyard an even happier place
My new bromeliad friends make the courtyard an even happier place

I would rather grow flowers because I simply have a thing for them. But my farmer genes nudge me to try my hand once again at growing food. My dad and grandfather would probably laugh at my vertical garden. And honestly, I bought more flowers—some outrageous bromeliads. I can’t help it. Can’t I live off of beauty? Do I really have to eat?

All through the day of building, possibly cursing at trying to hold 8 foot 2 x 4’s up while screwing them into the wall, attaching the boxes, planting the plants into the boxes….I kept thinking about the white vulture. When I finished my farmer-girl activities I ran upstairs and looked up ‘white vulture’ on my trusty internet search engine.

It is a symbol of the feminine in Egyptian mythology. In Pueblo mythology it is a symbol of restored harmony that had been broken. It is a symbol of the return of the self. (Pause…..and repeat please).

Photo of me probably 17 years ago....
Photo of me probably 17 years ago….

How appropriate. How perfect. Since my father’s illness and death (when I was 21) I have been in a series of relationships with no gap between them. Recently I have done some deep healing as I find myself alone for the first time in 32 years. And I wanted to be alone as I found myself repeating the same old patterns. Sick of myself, I journeyed out on my own to heal. To grow. I couldn’t repeat the familiar behaviors anymore. It was deadening.

At this almost year mark of my time with only me and my baggage, I find myself dreaming of white vultures and realizing that I am discovering who I am…I had never given myself space or time to figure that out and in some ways had remained the wounded young woman throughout my relationships. How appropriate that in my time of conscious healing, the goddess of feminine energy pays me a dreamtime visit.

Self-portrait 2013
Self-portrait 2013

After all these years I am finally healing the old wounds. I have no idea where this new-found wholeness will take me but I’m guessing it has something to do with growing flowers or morphing into a vulture….once I figure it out I’ll let you know.

Blue Heart of the Planet

Blue Heart of the Planet

simone (2)When the weather doesn’t cooperate with my exercise plans I use the elliptical trainer. I’ve been watching TED talks while working out–specifically the series on the Ocean. One of the presenters referred to the Ocean as being the ‘blue heart of the planet’ so on this first day of spring, I wanted to celebrate the Ocean….the one massive Ocean that covers 71% of the Earth’s surface and contains 97% of the planet’s water (NOAA).

We know that the Ocean is the lungs of our planet. Although estimates vary, somewhere between 70 and 80% of Earth’s oxygen is produced by phytoplankton in the ocean. Rain forests and trees are very important and provide the other 20% to 30% of vital oxygen.

Dr. Sylvia Earle reported in one TED Talk that 90% of the Ocean’s big fish are gone. Ninety percent….gone. This is directly the result of overfishing…taking fish faster than they can reproduce.

simoneI was thinking about the interconnection of the Ocean and all life on the planet. Truly, if the Ocean dies, humans will die…unless we learn to breath a mixture of less than 21% oxygen. Divers know better, so do scientists….and physicians. We simply cannot survive on less oxygen…at least not for any length of time.

After watching the TED talks, two stories came to my attention that broke my heart. First, over 200 manatees have died this year due to red tide or an algae bloom in Florida waters. Red tide is caused by a combination of factors that can include warm Ocean temperatures, high nutrient content (from fertilizers and sewage effluent) and low salinity (that might happen after heavy rain). Manatees are endangered and their recovery was looking very good so this is a major setback. You might not care about manatees so why should it concern you? The algae associated with red tide can cause respiratory distress in humans and can make people sick if they eat shellfish or fish that have eaten or been exposed to the algae. That interconnected idea…it’s for real!

The other news was especially difficult to hear and even though it doesn’t involve ocean animals directly, it is a species genetically related to manatees. A story on NPR told of how poachers are killing African elephants in numbers so great that their numbers have been reduced 62% in ten years. A reporter told of witnessing 100 men on horseback rounding up herds of elephants and using assault rifles and grenade launchers to kill elephants for the ivory trade in China. Diplomatic jets from China transport the ivory back where the growing middle class and upper class pay over $1300 a kilo (2.2 pounds).

Overlay image of dolphin necropsy taken from a baby dolphin in Key West
Overlay image of dolphin necropsy taken from a baby dolphin in Key West


Can you imagine our planet without elephants? Or manatees? Can you imagine humans capable of murdering innocent animals such as elephants…or dolphins like they do in Japan? Innocent creatures.

The heart of our planet is in danger and not just the blue heart. It seems as though the collective human soul is filled with violence and greed. While listening to the elephant story I sobbed and screamed….I am so angry about human arrogance and greed. We are capable of such love and beauty and at the same time capable of unspeakable acts of violence and aggression.

simone (3)
One of the TED talk scientists spoke of how easy it is to become overwhelmed with all of the horrible things happening on our planet. His suggestion was to do everything you can in your own life and then choose one place or one animal on the planet and call that your project of hope. Support it, educate people about it, study it. If we focus on everything that’s wrong we get depressed, angry…we become ineffective. But if we work on our home life and that one special project of hope, we can continue to be an advocate for positive change in the world.

Now is not the time to give up. It’s not too late. As Sylvia Earle said, “The good news is there’s still 10% of the big fish left on the planet.”

simone (4)May our hearts join together in support of the blue heart of the planet and may there be a collective awakening of love and light. Nothing else will create the change that is necessary for planetary health…of which humans are an important part.

A Little Shark Love

A Little Shark Love

Grey whaler SharkSharks have been in the news lately. Or perhaps the lack of sharks has been in the news. It is estimated that up to 90% of the total shark population has disappeared from our oceans worldwide. That means that only 10%, or there about, of all sharks are left in our oceans.

Last October was the first time I had seen a shark while scuba diving in years. I was on a reef off the coast of Turks and Caicos and it was just a small reef shark but I was thrilled. It swam along beside me like a friendly puppy. So much for the demon, man-eater.

When I first started diving, many years ago, I remember being told divers can go years without seeing sharks. My first year brought some close encounters with these sleek, gorgeous beauties. One experience in particular was unnerving but only because I was on a reef where sharks were hand-fed regularly. They had lost their fear of humans and exhaust bubbles and were so overly-friendly that they thought every human in the water had a hand-out for them. (Read more about that adventure in my book, Sharks On My Fin Tips. Chapter 3, page 29). I am against feeding any wild animal. Ultimately it hurts them.

book
But that same summer I had a huge hammerhead shark…ten feet would not be an exaggeration….casually swim past and was so close I saw his eyes moving on his enormous hammers, watching me. The little mouth was underneath his head so I didn’t feel any fear. I was simply in awe of this beautiful animal.

About a decade ago my partner and I went to California and joined a charter leaving from San Diego for the Coronodos Islands. I didn’t like the cold, Pacific water but I hardly noticed, so lost was my mind in looking around every kelp strand for the denizen of the deep….the Great White! Which brings me to unjustified fear, induced by media. In this case, Jaws.

I grew up on the Gulf Coast and loved swimming in the Gulf until the movie came out. That so warped my understanding of sharks that I never recovered any decent appreciation for these massive creatures until a few years ago when I educated myself on them. I still have no desire to meet a twenty foot shark face-to-face but I want them to survive and thrive…for their own experience of life and for the health of the Ocean.

A large bull shark has been within arms-reach but I tucked my hands and shooed it away with my internal scolding. Have you ever felt like a shark was peeling you out of your wetsuit with his eyes? I did but nothing ever came of it. I remained calm and that was that. No blood, no carnage. Just a good memory.

book (2)It is time the media stops sensationalizing the dangerous sharks they want us to gasp and fret over and start informing the public about the amazing creatures these apex predators are…we owe it to sharks. We need to right the wrongs done to them.

Wolves, snakes, mountain lions, bobcats….all of these animals deserve their place in the world. They all have a valuable part to play in keeping ecosystems healthy. Let’s show a little shark love and protect these darlings of the deep. Can’t you just see them smiling their toothy grin when more humans gain understanding and wisdom about living a life of balance.

The Flowering of Love

The Flowering of Love

DSC_1223“When a woman awakens to the beauty/power within her she will bloom as a flower she has always been and always will be.” Sharon McErlane wrote this quote as a message to women across our planet. Her words touch my heart and resonate with intuitive nudges I’ve been receiving.

We currently see discourses that are gridlocked. The US Congress shows us what no longer works. Trying to push and shove our way, shout our way or use anger to influence decisions is an outdated way to interact. We absolutely must find a new way–not just in our government but worldwide…beginning with ourselves.

hibiscus2During the past several months my journey has made me see my use of angry, aggressive out-of-balance masculine or yang energy. Wanting to heal and move forward in my life’s work, I found myself acting aggressively in my healing process. In anger I attempted to close my heart and mind with ‘pull and jerk’ moves. I actually thought I could force myself to heal by ignoring my heart, ignoring unconditional love patting me on my granite head…tapping at my heart.

A strange series of events knocked me out of my usual mode of operation and I tired of ricocheting against my self-imposed walls. I finally became conscious and saw how totally ineffective the old way was. It was the exact opposite of how I want to live.

DSC_3894Attempting to heal in an aggressive manner goes against the very idea of healing (shaking head, rolling eyes, laughing).

When my heart was given the space to open, I recognized the gentle yet consistent pushes I’ve been getting–focus on beauty; allow my heart to open, to flower; cultivate compassion, gentleness and softness. I couldn’t move forward with my work in the world until my inflexible, ineffective patterns were broken and released…then healed.

DSC_0226
I believe people across our planet are awakening to yin energy. We are in dire need of it. Yin energy is receptive, strong, balanced, compassionate and is a container for love, a holding vessel.

Using balanced feminine energy doesn’t make a person weak and it isn’t manipulative like unbalanced feminine energy can be. And it’s not only about women. We all contain both masculine and feminine energy within us. We simply need to balance our fast-paced, active, aggressive lives with this softer energy. We need time to reflect and enter into a friendlier relationship with ourselves and others.

DSCN1424Flowers reflect the essence of feminine or yin energy in their blooming and unfolding. They are strong and have an amazing capacity to bring healing energy to any situation. Flowers make us feel better. So I’m focusing on one of  nature’s expressions of the feminine to remind me to stay open, stay soft yet strong.

DSC_0229Balanced feminine energy holds the earth and cradles all life. This is what I wish to strengthen on the planet and within my own life.